This morning I woke up with a new kind of feeling swirling all around and in my being. My meditations for the past six months or so have been on a whole new level. So has my life. I say this even though I've been meditating for at least about a decade and every single one of those sit downs, eye closed, watch breath moments haven't been anything other than utter deliciousness. But lately, thirty year old memories evaporating and all the juicy good feelings I've ever danced with taking up center stage has been the game. I smile a lot these days. Uncontrollably. I laugh in my bed early in the morning for no reason. Yes, exactly like a crazy person. It's wonderful!
Only the feelings I'm giving me I now know I'm giving to me. Breaking the old stimulus response loop, breaking that thing we do where we are entirely dependent on the environment to tell us who we are and what we feel and what we think and the like is a magical, a very magical thing indeed. What do you mean you can live life in a state that is totally independent of what does or doesn't happen in the world around you? What do you mean you can live a life knowing who you are on every level without the environment needing to tell you so?
I'm not rapping about intellectual enlightenment and the detachment and headlessness that brings. That too has its place but it's an incomplete puzzle. There needs to be an emotional enlightenment right along with that. When mind and intellect are awake alongside emotions and the body, oh what a swirly world it looks to be.
That probably won't make any sense to eyes that have not gone inside and looked at how the whole doing the human thing happens. That's what I said. You know that whole "you are not a human doing, you are a human being" thing? Well, you're actually not a human being either - you're doing the being human thing. You're doing all those beliefs and sighs and deep gut wrenching tearing yourself all up inside and rehearsing the same old emotions over and over again thing. What you are has no such boundaries of being-ness or no conditions or rules for operating in such a way. But alas, that is the game you play.
When was the last time I blogged anyway?
Well that is the juice for this early day after the leap year morning.
And the ending? Well...Love Wins Big.