Sunday, March 31

Mystery, especially He

“Nothing you become will disappoint me; 
I have no preconception that I'd like to see you be or do. 
I have no desire to forsee you, 
only to discover you. 
You can't disappoint me” 
― Mary Haskell

To presume to know you, to judge you by your words or actions or anything else visible in this world, is to forget that you will always be the beauty of a great mystery expressed.  And if what I have seen and discovered, if what I have witnessed up until this moment, is only the edge of the beauty that you are, then it is only gratitude I hold in my heart for what of yourself you share. Everything you are only draws me deeper into our embrace. There is nothing in you and there is nothing of you that leaves me with anything short of awe and wonder. You are the long awaited miracle in my world, the eternal answer to the songs in my heart.

Dear earth inhabitant...part 2

"I’m saying that there are many things about our culture – from the way we live and how society is run - that actually contribute to people being sick....The only way to live healthy in this culture is to be in it, but not of it"  - Dr. Mate    http://torontostandard.com/the-sprawl/gabor-mat 

What will it take to tip the iceberg of unconsciousness toward consciousness? I went to a big store the other day only to see shopping cart after shopping cart being put into plastic bags. As far as I could see in all directions, I was the only person at the checkout line with my own reusable bags. I triple checked scanning the aisles on either side of me. It was such a weird moment. Really? We're still here? Come on.

While I can understand the occasional "oh I forgot my bags" person in line, to see that many people just without hesitation walk out with six or seven plastic bags of items was weird - I thought I had seen progress but it may have all just been in my imagination. I usually shop at smaller stores and notice how it's the other way around. So what will it take to create a massive shift in how we consume, what we consume, and how much of our consciousness we bring into that consumption?

To me, a lot of our issues, individually and globally, are the outcome of unconscious participation in the world - where we are driven and directed by uninformed impulses. We've given up our power to ask questions, to be curious about what something means or does, or what its consequences are. What we use in our lives, what we feed ourselves, what we feed our kids, what we bring home, how much of it we bring home, on so many levels is the perfect reflection of erratic gratification that is primarily sourced by ignorance.

This. Has. to. Change.

Can we be intelligent creators and consumers? Can we ask "if I create this thing, what will its impact be" before we birth things into the world? We've given up intelligence for convenience, and that's what's hurting our bodies, both our individual bodies and the shared body that is our home planet.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a quiet vegetarian who knows the power of the heart and mind in this play-field we call our world. We can make anything happen. I don't think everyone has to convert into any one type of eating style or consumerism or give up their home to live in a small portable box made of recycled material. I think we can have the capacity to marry luxury and convenience with intelligence and consciousness - to create and consume in ways that supports the expansion and evolution of our species while nurturing the earth ground we stand on. Diversity is meant to be enjoyed, and the fruits and variety of this beautiful earth are many. I think and feel, however, that if we set out to create and enjoy ourselves consciously in all that we do, in all that we bring into our bodies, minds, hearts, and homes, in all that we build and create, that our lives and ultimately our world and its structures would be transformed...for the better.

So I keep pondering...what will it take to roll this giant whale of unconsciousness onto its side and tickle it into wakefulness?

Cause this really has to change.

Saturday, March 30

Leaning into...disorder

Oh man, where do I even begin to write about the day that has made itself today?

Lately, the words and I have been on break. After releasing my new book, it felt like my brain had committed itself to solely be interested in speaking and interacting with images. I could stare at pictures and engage and interact with images of all kinds but the moment I turned my eyes and mind toward words, blankness, void, total death of thought would come up. I took it as a sign that portions of my word-threading self had flown off into the deep to work on the next book.

And then today happened. A total professional chaotic mess I was gifted to clean up. Cleaning up my own mess, I'm all over - cleaning up after someone else's total lack of organization however makes me want to break already broken things into tiny pieces of sand and then throw them into someone's eye. Okay, maybe it wasn't that big of a thing in the grand scheme of things, but for someone who is an organizational nut like I am, the effect of stuff like this on me is as predictable as rubbing two exposed wires together near gasoline. I keep laughing in between shaking my head in disbelief. What amplified the utter annoyance was that it didn't only affect me, it put me in the middle of and in front of two other people's disappointment, shock, and confusion. So not only did I have to deal with my own neurosis, but I had to keep myself in as much a professional cage as possible so as to not exacerbate the mood and matter further. This has never been the kind of professional plate I wish to serve anyone - luckily, most of the job environments I've been in have met my professional standards or raised them altogether.

Disorganization is strange to me. It's a foreign language. If I walk into someone's home or come to the office I frequent only twice a week and see paper everywhere with no order to it, I stare at it like it's twelve week old garbage.  I am very detail oriented - I actually enjoy working with databases, spreadsheets, and lists, filing things and organizing them. I like creating order - I LOVE creating order, structuring things, grouping them together, creating clean lines and corners. So when a situation or space that is not a reflection of that comes up, some corner of my brain twitches.

Oh control, how I love you so.

I think if I take anything away from today, it's to be as comfortable in disorder as I am in order. While I'll never be one of those individuals who seeks out chaos to thrive, I sure as hell can give it a wink and a nod the next time it shows up. I just have to remember, that not everyone I meet or cross paths with will work the way I do, and the reflection of that is not always going to be a situation or space that makes sense to me. Maybe I should throw a bag of crumpled up paper onto my bed and roll around in it to drive the point home.

Saturday, March 23

This Love Is On

I feel a great love brewing
I feel it in my bones
Where ever you are my heart
There I am most at home

I heard you but I didn't listen
When you wrote about how you adored me
I was looking but I didn't see it
The love you were extending so freely

You blew away my ego
As all it kept saying was no
And you elevated my heart
In this love that's a work of art

You brought me into being
In this world we are dreaming
I once felt so far away
Traveling  galaxies, you brought me to stay

You floor me with your telepathy
And your heightened heart alchemy
A reader of light so clear
The beauty being, you were never not here

You put on the hair I like
Top it off with that hat
Your eyes are lit with love
And I'm all ready to start

Do you feel like starting something?
Do you feel like taking my hand?
What was that thing you said
About the ocean and the sand?

I feel you in my breath
I feel you in my chest
I feel you in everything
And in that I know I am blessed

~ This Love is On ~
(c) Kidest, March 23, 2013

Wednesday, March 20

Oh, Hark

I wanna do it big like Oprah.
Build schools in Africa
Build some bridges and blur some lines
All the while redefining open minds.
I wanna stretch you out into the stars
Leave a mark in your open heart.
Remind you there is no dark
When you're the light, oh hark
Hark the songs the silence sings
There are no binds, there are no stings
You know the saying, let freedom ring...


to be continued... (c) Kidest Mengistu, 2013


Sunday, March 17

Love is...

Love is what fills you up of life while emptying you of all your wounds. That's why it stirs you and strips you at the same time.

Scribbles from my journal.

Sunday, March 10

I will see the world


I know that some way and some how I'll get to stand in all the places I dream of standing in, taking in the sights, and sounds, and energy of all that is great and here. And while this map shows the places that have history, structures, places that excite my heart, I think there's something for my heart in every inch of this beautiful world. Travel excites me. Adventure excites me. New experiences thrill me.

Thursday, March 7

One Soul

The highest state of human love 
is the unity of one soul in two bodies 
- Sri Aurobindo

Tuesday, March 5

2013-03-05 Reading

One of my go to mirrors is cards and oracles. It's a way to just notice what maybe circling in my field, and I find so useful to bring to light those parts I may not be consciously aware of - and most often it accurately echoes exactly where my focus is. 

For instance, right now I'm in the process of finishing up a book on success that I'm hoping to have available for readers in the next month. I just have a couple of the chapters left to tweak and wrap up, send to a few friends for feedback, and it'll be good to go. Success has been my focus for the past several months and sure enough, it's what's in my field and showing up in the cards.

I am totally manifesting and being manifested by dreamy things - life is a good dream.

Here's the spread for right now:
 
The World
Card 1 (The World) : How you feel about yourself now  »
You are about to reach, or are already enjoying, a period of total fulfilment, wholeness and satisfaction - the arrival of your hearts desires. You feel satisfied with what you have achieved and are enjoying the rewards of past efforts. A time of happy outcomes, material wealth and greater spiritual awareness.
The Chariot
Card 2 (The Chariot) : What you most want at this moment  »
The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is success, to win and not give up the fight. You are successful and assertive in most things, or if you haven't quite got the success you want, you will get it. This is a time of movement and change - expect a journey relating to work, or if you want that car you've been looking at, go get it.
The Empress
Card 3 (The Empress) : Your fears  »
You are feeling insecure, perhaps have money worries, as a parent you may have concerns over your children, or perhaps it's an unplanned pregnancy. There are people around you who love and care for you and they will give you support. Try not to be over protective and do not resort to emotional blackmail, it won't do you any favours.
The Tower
Card 4 (The Tower) : What is going for you  »
Sometimes sudden disruptive change is inevitable, and as painful as it may seem, we come through it a stronger and better person. No matter how disruptive things are at the moment, or if you feel life is really against you, re-evaluate and move on - often a new direction can bring new opportunities you never dreamed of. If you have been planning to move home you will be experiencing setbacks.
The Sun
Card 5 (The Sun) : What is going against you  »
You may experience a few delays on your quest for success and achievement but don't worry, you'll get there in a blaze of glory. Success may go to your head a little so a little modesty wouldn't go amiss. Other than a few minor delays, look forward to a period of joy and happiness. If you are experiencing problems with conceiving a baby, The Sun often heralds good news around children and a much wanted pregnancy or birth of a longed-for baby.
The Star
Card 6 (The Star) : Outcome  »
This is a time of good luck and fortune, perhaps after a period of struggle and heartache. Good health, possibly after a time of illness, and good fortune that will give you a new zest of life. If considering a new love affair, new job or career, or travel, then go for it. You may also receive a gift or gifts!

Monday, March 4

Once Upon A Muse

once I was a muse
now I am a friend
then I will borrow a heart
that I don't intend to return
~ Kidest 
March, 2013

I think if what you're doing in your world always seems normal and sane and "just like you" to those that know you best, then you're not pushing out your boundaries of being enough, you're not growing yourself into new spheres of being and experience.

I don't know how healthy a precedent it is to state that for myself but I recognize how many times I've heard "this isn't like you" or "Kid this is crazy" to know that those are the exact moments that moved me into bigger playing fields of being, of seeing, of feeling, of living. And I love that.

It's not that I propose a life of recklessness, but more so occasions of it where you do what you don't expect yourself to do, you say what you don't expect yourself to say, you live what you don't expect yourself to live. There's actually no such thing as recklessness outside of the word recklessness. We confine ourselves with false prisons, the expectations and definitions in our own minds, those around us, our cultures, our overall social world. But we are not at all creatures meant to be imprisoned in this way. Freedom is what we have and what we're after in so many ways.

I feel that we are healthiest when we afford ourselves opportunities to do and be the unexpected, the unpredictable. It short-circuits the left-brain and teaches us to know that there is always so much more than our comfort zones would allow us to explore and to live.

Every moment is a wide open opportunity to live the cageless way.

Saturday, March 2

The Spotlights

oh man.

i don't always understand the energy that pulses and moves. this is so new. one moment i'm washing my hair and watering my plants. and the next i'm standing in a surge of heat and focus that's coming through like like a thousand spotlights have just been turned onto you. i suspect it's the special effects of the dragon totem i've tapped into.

the difference though?

i dive into these surges and swirls, these spaces and movements. hands and legs and heart and mind. all in. and that part of it i love. even if the ringing in my ear gets louder and the push through feels like i'm ploughing through some non existent snow bank, i move into whatever moves with commitment. my motto seems to be 'fine, let's do this' but with almost a combatants attitude. no more hiding from power. no more shrinking from change. no more hiding behind the curtains of dream things made of nothing.


and then i know i'm in the right flow when this is what shows up right after:






okay. let's do this.

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