Do you ever wonder why it is we leap toward some things and inch only little by little into other's? I find myself to be a mixture of recklessness and cautiousness.
I don't so much leap into some things as I hop into them like a three year old who has just figured out how to play hopscotch...wobbly and slow. I figure if an alien ship came tomorrow with a friendly alien and said "hey want to come see my home planet", as much as I like to think I'm adventurous, I'll probably ask him to draw me a map of his home planet in great detail, then send me pictures, and then arrange to have an intergalactic skype session or two first. I like steps.
Life has always been gentle with me, every situation that aims to help me grow seems to be wrapped in comfort, love, and nurturing energy - like the whole entire universe is whispering to me "it's okay if you can't do this yet, go ahead and try, and if you don't want to we'll try it again tomorrow." It seems to be my pace in some cases, gentle, one step at a time, feeling ready and steady.
It's weird though, when I look at the moments I need steps for and the one's I don't, I don't really get me. I didn't have to work up to anything to jump out of a plane. I didn't have to think twice about moving out to the westcoast. I'd do that again in a heartbeat without a doubt. It's when it comes to love that my steps seem to be measured and small. Even then, this love accommodates showing up in ways that only affirms the love I am held in. So what is there to do but let yourself melt into it all? Lose yourself in it?
I dreamt these moments. Once again I saw them unfold in the nether-spaces where sound is form and all form is only sound. The space between whatever dimension contains this and this one we wake up into, everything is waves and swirls. I heard these moments in that dreamscape. I didn't understand them. But as the scenes unfolded it all made sense. How I woke up today, the shirt I put on, the love I felt all day long and how long I felt it as love showed up in every direction from my workspace at work, to all the cars I kept seeing, to the blossoms on the trees, to my laptop at home in my bed, to the text message on my phone, and how I feel right now - loved, lifted, tickled, and spent like this small measured step was actually a run up ten flights of steps.
But maybe that's the thing. Steps that may look small to our eyes may actually be leaps of sound to our being. I like not knowing what's up or down.
What's amazing is how many opportunities you get and how life so gently keeps forming and reforming moments until you're ready to take that step. Patience and gentleness. These are as much our paths as are leaps and furnaces of fire that burn everything away. So many ways to grow, so many ways Home.I've had so many opportunities to show up and to come through that just felt too overwhelming at the time. Like I couldn't hold the energy or stand in it or be my Self at One. And life kept coming back because I kept moving into my Self. There's a saying that when you take a step toward God, God comes running to you. That is the dance we have with life - that when we take a step into knowing It, knowing our Self, Love in all its splendor and Grace is what comes rushing to us.
I am grateful for this.
Thank you for being gentle with the key.
Life's always got our best interests in the plan. And I love the love that has my hand.
Now I go to sleep undone.
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