Saturday, February 23

I'm A Director

It was sometime around the time I decided to drop out of graduate school. I had been reading Eckhart's A New Earth for the second time and was in This space I often expand into when I'm contemplative. I passingly thought, "I wonder what my life's purpose is."

That same day my roommate and I had a movie date - I'd known her for years, since junior high school and was renting the second bedroom of her condo in Toronto from her. Because she worked shifts at varied hours, and because I was likely going to be leaving the city, we had decided on seeing Happy Feet, just the two of us.  We were both completely in love with the idea of penguins that sing and dance - singing and dancing was a big part of our group of friends.

We got into the subway station. I went through the gate first. And just as she was about to go through, the gate stopped working. And everything slowed down. Literally. It was as if time and space had warped and I stood there near a pillar in the underground metro station while person after person stopped and asked me for direction. It was very weird, like I was the only person standing there who could be asked for direction. I stood there pointing this way, and that way, and up the stairs and toward the exit over and over again. Meanwhile, the line had formed at the entry gate and people were now coming in via the person booth. My friend walked up to me and said "what was that, that was weird". Time and space returned to their normal speed and I walked through the rest of my day more aware of my purpose in the world.

I recognize that what we contemplate is what we create a template of consciousness around. Whatever we ask, we are participants in the answers we receive, and sometimes it is blatant how grand this whole design really is. You have to pay attention to the questions you are asking, because you're constantly asking questions. The answers always show up with a loudness  that is to the degree of attention you've put into the question. Ask attentively and the answer will be loud and clear.

Friday, February 15

When You Wake A Sleeping Giant

I wonder what happens.

I keep trying to go back to sleep but something keeps poking and prodding at me and all I feel like is an angry grizzly bear who is a couple of galaxies tall and a few universes wide.

I don't know what all these jolts of electricity amount to, but I sure am excited to find out. The flow comes in and I feel like I can run a few times around the whole planet. I'm getting much more energy for the effort. It's as though God stopped drawing me in ice patterns and has now started using fire to paint my portrait. Or maybe he's using neon colors instead of invisible ink.

Don't mind the burns. Don't mind the brightness. It all amounts to dreams fulfilled in the end.

This was always going to be a good show.

Thursday, February 14

My Jessica from Brooklyn

Once upon a time, I drove down winding roads into a little town called Killington Vermont and met a girl named Jessica who was born on the leap year of February and at the time lived on the east end avenue at 63.

I always like to think of her in exactly the thread of detailing she showed up in 'cause it adds sparkle to the marvelous painting that this entire life is. We became instant friends and she's even the first love-face to gift me with rainbow knee-high toe socks.

Love is rad. Has it really been 5 years?!

And today I am so over the top happy and proud and in ecstasy about her bus adventure of standing up for herself and owning the space she occupies and the ground on which she stands that I had to immortalize the EPIC feeling that's just flooding my being. If every being on the planet spoke up and spoke out, if every being on the planet stood up and stood out, my what a world this would be.

Good God may we all breathe fire and send out a thunderous roar when we need to.

Damn straight you deserve to be treated like the queen you are. Respect! (said with a Jamaican accent)

I high-five the Giant in You!

(turtle-love forever)


I knew nothing about Valentines day when I first moved to North America. There was no such thing in my culture, so I was beyond stoked at this expressiveness of love, friendship, and togetherness when a bunch of my 5th grade classmates came flooding into my world with little cute cards and candy my first year on this side of the pond.

And at this point in my life, anything to do with cultivating love awareness whether directed inwardly at the love of self or outwardly toward an apparent other, is a blessing no matter how it is expressed.

Some odd thoughts on Valentine's Day
by Jean Houston
"Who is your double in the extended realms of the Soul? For whom are you here as the asymmetrical partner, the exotype of the archetype? Who or what is it that is yearning for you, calling to you, the Beloved you are always trying to remember?" 

The remembrance, discovery and development of this union enables the emergent creative forms of the depth world, the world of your archetypal Beloved, to enter into you and, by extension, to enter into time and space. Thus the critical importance of
the yearning for the great communion which completes our reality and causes the patterns of essential and existential realms to connect.

The great desire for the Beloved of the Soul, while always present, emerges from backgound to foreground when civilizations undergo whole system transitions. This occurred in the ecumenical and cosmopolitan culture of the Hellenistic Roman empire when, with the relative freedom of movement and cultural interchange, people were free to pursue the spiritual and psychological realities of other cultures. At the same time, the Mystery religions, with their emphasis upon dramatic inward journeys of anguish, grief, loss, redemption, joy and ecstasy of union with the archetypal Beloved gave people a sense of deeper identity, deeper belonging.

Today the movement is even more profound, for we are moving from cosmopolitan to planetary culture, with a convergence of the sharing of the whole palette of human culture, beliefs, and practices. There is occurring, as well, a revolution in the relationship between men and women, and a revisioning of forms of friendship and community. A new natural philosophy of love seems to be on the rise everywhere. It belongs perhaps to a "geo-theology" of love as the creative force in evolution, the Spirit as the lure of becoming, finding renewed expression in the rising archetype of the Beloved of the Soul. When the world is trying to coalesce into a new and higher unity for which we are seemingly unprepared, the only preparatory force that is emotionally powerful enough to call us to re-educate ourselves for sacred stewardship is the communion and partnership with the Beloved.

There is a delightful story about this partnership. A young man in Northern India went on retreat with a master of Bhakti yoga (the yoga of love and devotion). The master told the young man to go into a secluded room and just think about love for a while.

After a few minutes the young man came out and sheepishly told the master that he couldn't concentrate because he was worrying about the precious little bull he was raising and for whom he cared so much. The Master told him that that was just wonderful for now he had an object of meditation.

"Go back in the room and meditate on how much you love your little bull."

The young man did as he was told. Hours went by, and the young man did not emerge from the room. A whole day and night passed and still he stayed there. After 24 hours had gone by the master peeked into the room and saw the young man sitting there, lost in meditation, a beatific smile on his face.

"Why don't you come out and have something to eat," he inquired.

"Oh, I cannot, Master," said the young man, beaming with happiness. "My horns are too large to fit through the door."

I am grateful that everything I've ever been told or taught about relationships, about men, about women, wasn't it and that we are in a time of redefining so many of the concepts that were the basis of a world steeped in separateness and limitation. Dig enough into yourself and you will know that the truest partnership you can ever step into, is the partnership with the Living Light of your own being...which reveals itself as the Living Light in all.

May all beings be blessed, lifted, and nourished by the love that lives us all ways.

Happy Valentines Day ~ K.

Wednesday, February 13

Cure for Headaches

It's been a weird stretch of moments of late. I keep hitting my head, literally. I flung myself off the edge of the bed and ended up flipping head first onto the floor. WTF. I underestimated how close to the edge I was sitting so when I leaned back to get something, boom-smack-thump. My dog ran out of the bedroom freaked out because of how all of a sudden I went from sitting and doing arts and crafts to cirque du soleil-ing myself onto the floor. I laid there until the dizziness went away and was just like...umm. Funny thing then is that my headache went away.

But it happened again only this time I ran my head into someone's arm. I normally wouldn't care except for the repeated after-effect on my head and vision.

Dear self. Get it together. There are better healthier ways to enter into altered states of consciousness or cure headaches. I would much rather opt out for a nice sit down meditation or energy session to reach whatever I need to reach than flinging my head into hard objects. Request sumbitted.

"I'd like to keep my head in tact" Kidest

Monday, February 11

Many Worlds

The whole drift of my education goes to persuade me that the world of our present consciousness is only one out of many worlds of consciousness that exist.
- William James
Nothing is ever as it seems.

Saturday, February 9

Finally Here

It's Saturday night and I feel so light
Dropped in my heart and I took to flight
Right over to you
And I'm coming through

Time stands still as you feel me
Wrapped in the colors of our destiny
I'm all you've known
I'm all you've seen
From yesterday and all eternity
And here we are both
Floating out in the atmosphere

I'm sitting here and you're lying there
Working out this rendez vous
Not knowing if we're coming through
Yeah, you're coming through

We let go of the memory
That told us absence was a reality
Now all we know is our inseparability
And now we see we're both right Here

It's a lot of laughter and a lot of awe
A little bit of crying and a little bit of sighing
'Cause finally, finally we are  right Here
Finally, oh finally, w're both so clear

~ Kidest Aum
Feb.09 2013

Friday, February 8

Stronger Together

If there's anything I've come to recognize in more ways than I can explain, it's that we're stronger together.

What pulses, what moves me, what emerges and stirs, and the levels I reach within myself are deeper and higher, wider and brighter. And the reflections that come are louder, bolder, and more beautifully colorful than anything I could ever imagine.

That's all the evidence I need to know how perfect whatever comes next is and will be.

I am fearless.

And I am ready for it.

If I am to step, I'll step up with Grace. If I am to leap, then I will leap in bounds. Whatever it takes and whatever's at stake, I'll meet You all the way.

Not just halfway.

This dream is more than worth everything I am.

Tuesday, February 5

I Am Electricity

That's what I feel like today. Like I could power a light-bulb. Or even a small town.

Don't ask questions.

There are no references for this. No labels to put on it. No names to give it. No conditions to impose upon it.

This is What Is.


In the zap and sting of a Great Love. This is what this love looks like.

Monday, February 4


Do you ever wonder why it is we leap toward some things and inch only little by little into other's? I find myself to be a mixture of recklessness and cautiousness.

I don't so much leap into some things as I hop into them like a three year old who has just figured out how to play hopscotch...wobbly and slow. I figure if an alien ship came tomorrow with a friendly alien and said "hey want to come see my home planet", as much as I like to think I'm adventurous, I'll probably ask him to draw me a map of his home planet in great detail, then send me pictures, and then arrange to have an intergalactic skype session or two first. I like steps.

Life has always been gentle with me, every situation that aims to help me grow seems to be wrapped in comfort, love, and nurturing energy - like the whole entire universe is whispering to me "it's okay if you can't do this yet, go ahead and try, and if you don't want to we'll try it again tomorrow." It seems to be my pace in some cases, gentle, one step at a time, feeling ready and steady.

It's weird though, when I look at the moments I need steps for and the one's I don't, I don't really get me. I didn't have to work up to anything to jump out of a plane. I didn't have to think twice about moving out to the westcoast. I'd do that again in a heartbeat without a doubt.  It's when it comes to love that my steps seem to be measured and small. Even then, this love accommodates showing up in ways that only affirms the love I am held in. So what is there to do but let yourself melt into it all? Lose yourself in it?

I dreamt these moments. Once again I saw them unfold in the nether-spaces where sound is form and all form is only sound. The space between whatever dimension contains this and this one we wake up into, everything is waves and swirls. I heard these moments in that dreamscape. I didn't understand them. But as the scenes unfolded it all made sense. How I woke up today, the shirt I put on, the love I felt all day long and how long I felt it as love showed up in every direction from my workspace at work, to all the cars I kept seeing, to the blossoms on the trees, to my laptop at home in my bed, to the text message on my phone, and how I feel right now - loved, lifted, tickled, and spent like this small measured step was actually a run up ten flights of steps.

But maybe that's the thing. Steps that may look small to our eyes may actually be leaps of sound to our being. I like not knowing what's up or down.

What's amazing is how many opportunities you get and how life so gently keeps forming and reforming moments until you're ready to take that step. Patience and gentleness. These are as much our paths as are leaps and furnaces of fire that burn everything away. So many ways to grow, so many ways Home.I've had so many opportunities to show up and to come through that just felt too overwhelming at the time. Like I couldn't hold the energy or stand in it or be my Self at One. And life kept coming back because I kept moving into my Self. There's a saying that when you take a step toward God, God comes running to you. That is the dance we have with life - that when we take a step into knowing It, knowing our Self, Love in all its splendor and Grace is what comes rushing to us.

I am grateful for this.

Thank you for being gentle with the key.

Life's always got our best interests in the plan. And I love the love that has my hand.


Now I go to sleep undone.

Sunday, February 3

Romancing MsKidest

I am not really sure what made it come about but I had a strong inkling to create a new personal twitter account that's not related to my coaching/empowerment endeavors. It's kind of funny but I never really felt like using @kidestom for anything other than inspiration, motivation, metaphysical poking and prodding of the concepts we entertain. So @mskidest was born for all other in the moment brainfarts and brain thoughts I feel like sharing - a place to be my personal self without having to be wise, contained, focused or anything else. Everything from the erratic neurotic randomness that goes on in my head to the wide eyed tranced-out happy stoked-ness for life will, I imagine, make it on that page. I love words. I don't seem to refuse the opportunity to keep plastering them everywhere!

I want to blog about my dreams of late, they've been utterly romantic and warming. And yet the words right now have not fully formed, so I'll leave it at this: I love this love that is emerging. I don't know the whole of it, the all of it, but the fringes of feeling that have made themselves known in dreams and even in the canned food aisle of the grocery store have felt marvelous. I am beyond grateful for all that it comes from and all that it points me toward. Thank you life, I will embrace such an extension of love with all of myself!

Friday, February 1

Ain't It Funny

After my body pretended to be on a cleanse (even though I wasn't), I've written pages, posted a new post on my website, created more items for my zazzle store, and uploaded a new video to youtube all within a span of about a day and a half. Peculiar ain't it, how things work?

Baby Smiles as Meditation

You know when you're having a frazzled day and something pops up in your face to get you to slow down, get back to earth, and just remem...