Thursday, January 31

Beside You, Inside You

Where could I go, that you are not?
Where could I be, that you are not?
We come and go together
We ebb and flow as one
We are formed and clothed together
Forever standing in the light of the sun
Where ever you go, I go
Wherever you are, I am
Where ever you stand, I land
As the ground you are standing upon
If I am to fly free,
then it's with you as my wings
If I am to come to rest,
then it's inside of you that I sleep
You are all the love there is
You are everything that I am
There is no coming
And there is no going
Without You

~ Kidest, January 2013

Monday, January 28

Going Growing Glowing Up

"When the woman has found the superior world, the man must not expect her personal love unless he also goes up to live in the same world. It is simply fair that he should do so. The woman who lives in a small world must not expect the love of a man who lives in a great world. He would lose much of his greatness if he should give his personal love to such a woman.
The tendency of all life is onward and upward. Therefore, to ask anything to come down is to violate the very purpose of existence. If we wish to be with the higher, the greater and the superior, we must change ourselves and become higher, greater and superior; and this we all can do." - Christian D Larsen
This is what I've lived, and when I read what I've lived through the words on pages, I take second notice in the lesson. I watched myself easily turn away from the pull of a sweet heart. It was an instant "no I'm not interested" - not only because I already feel myself spiritually coupled with my equal but also because I'm firmly choosing what I will and will not walk into now, consciously aware that not every space can support the reach of my internal heights.  Sweet hearts are everywhere but they are not necessarily expressing from spaces that will allow you to remain in your greatness and grow and glow in that greatness.

If it takes too much of yourself to make it work, if it asks for more of you to be focused in it than in the greater world, then it is not a meeting of equal spaces. To be of equal weight spiritually, energetically, means you are working or sourcing out of the same spaces of consciousness - you are standing on the same spiritual ground. And what I've learned is that we are not all working out of the same spaces of consciousness. And that's okay but when it comes to personal love relationships, it's that much more important to pay attention to what you're going to plug into. Imbalance of any kind where you feel the relating is taking more from you, or is sourcing from you, is an indicator of your leaving your space or "coming down" to reach your love. Sometimes we go into something because it's convenient, familiar, right next to us not really evaluating how much of ourselves can actually fit in that meeting, relating, loving, and how much the relationship is going to rely on us as its source of power.

What I see now is that a relationship is or can be sourced by the greatness in us both - that the light we are awake to in our being needs to be similar or equal, that we are showing up as wholes sourced by our inner source rather than looking to each other for power, support, balance and so on. There is a certain degree of sharing where we can share, and love, and express in the mutuality of our togetherness - but that togetherness is balanced and supported by our own connections to our Self, our Greater Presence. Any tendency to mistaken that sharing as the source of our being, any tendency to mistaken the relationship as the source of anything will create imbalance. It's the difference between me looking to the God-Verse in me and him looking to God-Verse in him for all things, all answers, everything, and me looking to him and him looking to me for those things. What we are sourcing from determines just how much we access and where we access it from.

I once stepped into the dance with a guy and for months felt like I was walking around a cloud of darkness half suffocating in the congested space and half determined to make it work. Make it work? I look back at it in gratitude now awake to the realization that's so beautifully illustrated in the quote above. Although love and loving are one, although higher, greater, superior are ultimately meaningless, in the expressive dance of diversity in our waking world, I have found you have to choose what you will and will not walk into, what you will and will not enter into relationship with.

I choose that relating with the being who is my equal on the spiritual scales of self awareness. I choose that relating that reveals and supports the greatness in us both. I choose that relating that awakens us to the power of Now and the spaciousness of Here. I choose that relating that is in service of a greater expression.

You can't diminish yourself enough to make anything work. In the end, all you end up doing is giving up the greatness you had so worked to move into, embody, and express for the sake of "making it work." In the waking world, not every space you walk into is a space made for you - not every shoe fits right, not every size fits well, not every color compliments. While on the one hand all is done by you and through you, on the other hand the diversity of that doing is something you have to consciously discriminate and evaluate.

Is this space before me one that takes me higher into myself, one that calls to the Infinite within me, one that fuels the 'never-coming-down' fire of my expansiveness, or one that asks me to come down from my Self?

You have to be inquisitive in the steps you take and unapologetic for what you graciously rule out as not for you.

I know where my Home is, and I know now that the things you want to step into are the things that...take you up, grow you up, glow you up.

No need to settle for anything less than the limitless. "Good enough" won't do.

Hand in hand we'll fly away for He and I are of the same and in the same greater, higher, superior world. If such a thing couldn't at all be described, you'll still know it all inside your heart.

I once had a lady come up to me after I gave a talk on 'unleashing your creative power' and say "there's a man that's always standing beside you." She was very adamant about the presence of this imaginary man who stands beside me and serious in how she just had to tell me about him. Funny how she could see him even before I could really feel him. At the time I just  nodded and smiled like I do when people extend their hallucinatory observations. Now I realize that yes, my equal, soulmate, other whole, or whatever definitions you want to give to him has always been Here beside me, even now unseen as he may be to my physical eyes. My disinterest for unbecoming spaces is manifold and probably also due to the fact that I feel his realness now. And for all the doors that opens and closes, I am eternally grateful.

Thanks dude! I will keep licking the apparently empty space next to me until you place your face into it and your hand in my hands.

Sunday, January 27

Glory Being You

What if you clothed yourself in thoughts of the extraordinary?

You can tell the thoughts an individual is holding onto simply by looking at them. No matter what is said or not said, we paint ourselves with our thoughts - our thoughts of life, our thoughts of our experiences, our thoughts of our own being, our thoughts of our achievements and the endless flow of waking reality we use to inform and define ourselves by.

We have the option to drop everything of the limited and let ourselves be defined by the limitless. We have the option to let go of all self definition and self judgement and make way for the expressiveness of the indefinable. We have the option to cease being defined by the past or the future or the world of temporary passing changing things. We have the option to be born of the Infinite in this moment rather than being born of the mind, the world, the temporary.

Why be bound by the confines of the unreal when the real awaits to rewrite us anew?

Every moment we are new. With every breath we are new. In every second we are new.

What if you clothed yourself only in this ever new miraculousness?
What if you recognized only the infinite capacity within yourself for intelligence, grace, beauty, creativity, right here and now?
What if you at once saw the radiance that bursts through your eyes awaiting your own recognition?

Miracles are you.
Grace is you.
Beauty is you.
Creativity is you.
Intelligence is you.
Limitlessness is you.
Infinity is you.

You are the Supreme expressiveness of life, the source and resource of all that is, was, and will be. Let go of the false definitions. Let go of the false bars that would say you are defined by the temporary passing showcase of form. You are always the more-ness that cannot be contained in form. Touch the formless in yourself and let that be your only source of self definition.

I bow to the glorious in you.


Friday, January 25

Plants And Me

There went another one yesterday to my great disappointment. I drowned another plant. While the plants and herbs out on my balcony are fine, my indoor one's are in a rotation of experimental trial and error. Some are doing great - my hassle free bamboo, my jasmine, aloe, and this tropical plant are great and have continued to be great. Other's on the other hand seem to only last in my keep much shorter than I'd like.

The first plant, a banana tree which I absolutely loved, rotted. Rookie mistake - I hadn't drilled holes in the pot it was in. Yep. New to indoor houseplants over here, I had no idea what you were supposed to do. And so it drowned in stagnant water and turned into mush right before my eyes. Disappointed, and having learned, I tried again with a different plant. And again it just didn't last very long before it too fell apart in its pot. About three or four months and then poof. So I tried again and brought it something else.

Then yesterday I woke up to my morning routine and flipped the lights on in my living room to find yet another plant which had actually been doing really well for about 5 months, turned brown and dropped about 60% of its gorgeous spiky leaves overnight. I whined about it all day. I was actually really upset about the whole thing. My friend suggested that it may be that my apartment is too humid. I only water my plants about once a week. I stick my finger in the soil and if it's not moist, then they get water. So having a humid apartment is the likely culprit because I have the heat on cranked high and all the windows closed most of the time. I'm wired for warm weather so the moment the temperature drops, my apartment turns into a warm escape. So this may be it.

Dear plants, I'm determined and committed to having our relationship be one of health and vibrancy rather than death and sadness.  I love you, please bare with me while I work this out and transform myself into a fluent master Gardner.

So off I go now to get more plants except this time I won't transplant them right away but will let them hang out in their mini pots until they're used to my apartment and see how it goes. I'm determined to have an indoor jungle of thriving happy plants. And I'm determined to really be able to discern what my plants need and when they need. I don't yet speak plant fluently. I just need to figure out the right balance of what they each need and go from there.


These are my troubles right now. And for that I am so grateful.

Monday, January 21

Choosing You

You think it's just you choosing someone or something.
Until you realize this something or someone is also choosing you.

And then you awaken to the reality, it is you choosing yourself in the illusion of being two...two people, two events, two-ness or multiplicity being your dream of separateness.

What you want, wants you.
What wants you, you want.
In the end, it's the same You on all sides of the equation.

All of it is the same movement of love, of consciousness, of life, in the guise of two-ness.

This is the dream you dream as us, we, you and me.

Everything is alive.
Everything is you.

And of course, What I choose is You.

Sunday, January 20

the ground of limitless creativity

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Emerson 

(I needed more room to finish this thought.)

This, to me, is the essence of true creativity. Not to repeat and recreate what has already been done, not to parrot and regurgitate what has already been said, but to bring to life new ways of seeing, being, living in this playfield that is our life's stage.

Birth from the unknown and be birthed by it in each and every blessed moment. Let go of going by what's been said and done. Let go of going by the apparent rules, means, and paths that are said to be the way and the how of this world. And instead create anew, new rules, new means, new ways, new platforms - untouched by the hands of familiarity.

We are Here to be Sourced by and to Source from the Unknown - this is the ground of limitless creativity!

Limitless and unbounded we are free to draw from the ocean of infinite creative intelligence and bring that on through to here. To repeat and recreate what's already been made visible is to perpetuate limitation, to stay in the same loop of the conscious mind. To demonstrate, or to materialize, from this vast unknown on the otherhand, is to demonstrate godliness.

We succumb to the practice of merely perpetuating the creative exploits of beings that have come before us - we've taken on rules, ideas, that were left here for us and have donned them like valuable heirlooms holding to the notion that they are the beginning and the end of what we can know, what we can be, what we can manifest in this world. We call those that go where there is no path pioneers, rule-breakers, and hero's and yet, in my eyes, that is the destiny of every heart and mind - to really blaze a unique trail of creativity in the world.

Nothing that's been said is the final word.
Nothing that's been done is the only act.
Nothing that's been demonstrated is the only possibility.

Source from the Infinite Unknown and be Sourced by it also. Go into the Unfamiliar. There is no end in sight to the creative intelligence you can uniquely materialize in this realm of never ending wonder.


Saturday, January 19

Dreaming Strange Dreams

So until the end we are asleep, dreaming strange dreams. We dream we are in prison and we dream that we are free. We dream we have money and we dream we are poor, and whatever we identify ourselves with, we externalize.
- Neville

This is really all it comes down to. Dream it any way you want it - 'cause it's yours to do with as you so please. In the end, waking up is all that's left to do, so in the meantime, dream it big and dream it good, sprinkle it with all the wonder that makes your insides turn into fire.  It's all very much worth it ;)

Wednesday, January 16

Self Shining Sun

Glimpses of Self
And the world dissolves 
In you
There is no greater
Sight or height
Attention down to 
The Heart 
And up into Space 
You are only
There is nothing like This
Everything is This

Tuesday, January 15

3 Suggestions

I have 3 suggestions posted in my bedroom in three frames.

Speak as a Master speaks.
Move as a Master moves.
Live as a Master lives.

The worthwhile goal of any endeavor,  in my view, is mastery. Mastery isn't dominion. It is a full merger, a full becoming of that thing you want to master. You move yourself into whatever 'it' is for you, to the point you realize I Am That. There is no longer a 'you' and an 'it'.

A few days ago I vertically fell on the framed 'Live as a Master Lives'.

Nothing has been the same since.

Out beyond the realms of waking, dreaming, sleeping, story weaving, rests a point of awakening from it all.

Sunday, January 13

On Strength

Man is ever in search of strength. It is the strong man that wins. It is the man with power that scales the heights. To be strong is to be great; and it is the privilege of greatness to satisfy every desire, every aspiration, every need. But strength is not for the few alone; it is for all, and the way to strength is simple. Proceed this very moment to the mountain tops of the strength you now possess, and whatever may happen do not come down. Do not weaken under adversity. Resolve to remain as strong, as determined and as highly enthused during the darkest night of adversity as you are during the sunniest day of prosperity. Do not feel disappointed when things seem disappointing. Keep the eye single upon the same brilliant future regardless of circumstances, conditions or events. Do not lose heart when things go wrong. Continue undisturbed in your original resolve to make all things go right. To be overcome by adversity and threatening failure is to lose strength; to always remain in the same lofty, determined mood is to constantly grow in strength. The man who never weakens when things are against him will grow stronger and stronger until all things will delight to be for him. He will finally have all the strength he may desire or need. Be always strong and you will always be stronger.
--- Christian D. Larson

Wednesday, January 9


I don't know.
Images stream
eyes open
cast off the covers
nothing is working
have to be up in the morning
can't sleep
the songs start
try again

Sunday, January 6

Divine Destiny

What I have observed and what I want to make known in our world is this:

Life is so playful and so joyful and so fun loving in layers upon layers; the mysterious and the obvious, the visible and the invisible, is all an echo of this deep eternal belly laugh that Creation is engaged in. I look at my own experiences and they are riddled with amazing intricate beautiful Intelligence that's just resonating this pure unconditional joyful love to me - in all of existence there is this endless chant and echo that says "you are loved, you are loved, I rejoice in your being, you are loved."

How do we bring ourselves to listen to only this?

In our world, in our field, we have created monstrous thoughts that negate the beauty, divinity, perfection of all that is created. And yet even these unsightly monstrous thoughts we let fill our being are made of the very creative fabric of brilliance that we ourselves are made of. When we awaken to that, every weighted thought is lightened, every unlovely thought is awakened, for as we awaken from our soul sleep so do all of our creations.

You have never gotten anything wrong. There is no part of you that is exempt from the deep adoration that is your birthright. There is no aspect of you, past or present, seen or unseen, that isn't worthy of divine recognition. I See You. Do you see You? Let your light of unconditional acceptance shine on all parts of your being and you will let this cosmic loving touch you to the bone.

I think we are all here to be tickled by life, tickled by the magic that is born inside of us breath after breath. Magic lives us. Magic breathes us. Magic propels and drives us into the Infinite assemblance of Sound and Light that paints the cosmos as such. We are loved down to the last atom we take as our self. Nothing is excluded from this love, no part of us, no thought we have ever thought or no deed we have ever done is excluded from this all-encompassing all-inclusive adoration that is constantly swirling all around us.

For all the seriousness and wrongfulness we are awake to, we must equally be awake to the bountiful silliness and unconditional acceptance that births us all.

Be giddy for all that you have been no matter what. Be giddy. Love every part. Laugh at every part. Embrace and delight at all of your shades and shadows.

It is all Divine Destiny.

Saturday, January 5

Muskrat Love

I'm sitting here reading a text that's driving me into the deep philosophical terrains of conscious living when my mind erupts into MUSKRAT MUSKRAT MUSKRAT


I didn't understand until one of my HeartMates came back at me with some Captain &  Tennille

Okay. Muskrat Love is acceptable.


Muskrat, muskrat candlelight 
Doin' the town and doin' it right 
In the evenin' 
It's pretty pleasin' 

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam 
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land 
And they shimmy 
And Sammy's so skinny 

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed 
Singin' and jingin' the jango 
Floatin' like the heavens above 
It looks like muskrat love 

Nibbling on bacon, chewin' on cheese 
Sammy says to Susie "Honey, would you please be my missus?" 
And she say yes 
With her kisses 

And now he's ticklin' her fancy 
Rubbin' her toes 
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes 
As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle 

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed 
Singin' and jingin' the jango 
Floatin' like the heavens above 
It looks like muskrat love 

La da da da da ...

Now my Saturday morning is more disney like than anything.

I like the turns and curves of my moments, and when my brain farts actually lead me on giggle infused journeys.

Thank you for the laughter. 

Thursday, January 3

No Matter What


There is an art to saying everything and holding nothing back while appearing to be saying nothing at all. It maintains the balance between living loudly, boldly, declaring that you are here brilliantly alive in this moment in time and space, and, maintaining some boundaries of living and sharing an intimate secret with life.

I no longer hold back where it matters, where it counts to my heart. This is coming from the girl who used to so expertly play the part of the shy quiet invisible somebody off in the corner. Somewhere along the line that mask dropped, that self died, and out came this woman who would say without missing a beat: "naturally the only way to eat sushi is naked" while in an elevator with a couple of attractive guys.

I laugh at where I'm willing to go, what I'm willing to say or do, who I'm willing to be without hesitation now, what I don't filter or hide. What's the point? We're here, we're alive, we're gifted moments to be bold and loud about - so why miss a beat? "I shouldn't, I can't, I'm not going to" are all remnants of a dead self.

Nothing in the natural world demonstrates hesitation quiet like the human does. Nothing in the natural world demonstrates reservation of spirit, of aliveness like we do. Contemplation is useful, meditation is useful, deliberation with your own heart is useful. Hesitation, doubt, fear of getting it wrong? Let's throw all of that out the window. Let's boldly go where we've never gone before and go into it with all of ourselves, our voices set to loud, our arms ready, our whole entire being engaged in the living that awaits us at every turn.

I'm alive damn it, and I'm not going to be quiet about that.

Tuesday, January 1

A Good Day

I woke with a feeling of lightness today, a kind of easiness that's set from the inside. I felt it all around me, like I had pulled through into something completely new. I could see the light in everything starting with the sun that was painting the sky orange at dawn. How miraculous is all of this?

My whole entire day, from the time I woke up from dreams I recalled to the time I sat down to compose this blog, was filled with moments that arranged themselves so I could keep stepping into this feeling of awe, and gratitude, and surrender - a surrender to the beauty of everything in every direction.

I am grateful for this, for you, for everything.

This says it all:

Louie Schwartzberg: NatureBeautyGratitude. | Video on

It was such a good day today. And I know this is the feeling that lights the way.

This is what I've been waiting for.

Hello, You Beautiful Thing!

Baby Smiles as Meditation

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