Tuesday, December 31

Light my fire 2014

I have to say the year 2013 was definitely a year of "ermahgerd is this my life" - in addition to being introduced to the crazy world of memes (the side effect of working with tech savvy funny pants), I feel like I've catapulted into a new level of achievement not only in my own ahead but in my real world too.

I don't think I've ever mentally and physically pushed myself before like this - stretching to the edge of what I know and who I am and flinging myself off of a few metaphorical cliffs. It's been amazing!

This is the good shit right here - this whole pushing yourself and rolling yourself forward into a life of constant and never ending improvement. And push you must. I'm not a fan of forcing yourself into anything, but I'm definitely a cheerleader for challenging yourself into new avenues of expression and mastery. What am I here for if not to master my own being, mind, body, and soul?

To know people is wisdom, but to know yourself is enlightenment. To master people takes force, but to master yourself takes strength. - Lao Tzu
 And it is the limitlessness of your own strength that you discover and call forward when you challenge yourself.

I wrote more, I stretched more, I expressed loved more, I inspired more, I was inspired more. I'm pretty sure I even drank more...of both water and wine. And that's okay.

The only thing I didn't do was blog more, but that's because of the whole commitment to writing two books bit, initially it was three books but that was just making me crazy. Which was AWESOME! The going crazy bit and the writing two books bit. I feel more fueled than ever. It's like the more you stretch yourself, the more energy and resources you find to stretch further. Funny eh? You grow what you focus on. If you focus on growth, then you'll get growth and find reasons to grow even more. Life's magnetically comedic like that.

I'm pretty stoked for this new year. If I'm already at this momentum, and only finding more fuel for the fire with each breath, I can only predict that I'll be skipping and leaping even further in the next 365 days that follow. Yipee!

I be like Tigger Yo!


Thursday, December 26

I Love Where I Work

I love where I work...like a lot.

In addition to being one of the coolest most chillest environments I've ever been in, on statutory holidays fun things happen. Like on Christmas eve, we had all the Star Wars episodes playing on two big screens all day so that staff had a leisurely atmosphere. Today, being boxing day, we have Lord of the Rings playing creating the same effect.

I'm grateful for a lot of things in my life, and I feel it every day. This just adds chocolate sprinkles to the already delicious cake that is my world.  

MMM MMM Awesome!

Saturday, December 14

We were driving way too slow

I wrote and published two books this year. I did. I had set the goal of doing three at the beginning of the year. Everyone I've mentioned that to has looked at me like I was crazy. I was. Having put two full books out I've decided to have a one project a year goal now so that I can give that project my heart and soul without feeling like I'm in a self created pressure cooker.

Why am I using my iPad to write this? Cray cray...

Anyway...so that's my vision now. To focus on one book and bring that to life. Heavens know I'm never going to run out of words...and it seems I'll never run out of people who want to dance with my words.

All and all 2013 has been incredible. It's for sure been my most productive year. From working two jobs, coaching clients, and writing two books, I upgraded to a kick ass full time job because I got promoted, grew my coaching practice, collaborated on a kickass article on energy medicine, and even won an award for being a team player at work. What's amazing in all this is seeing I have room for more, energy for more, and the drive for it. I feel it down in my bones.

I feel like I'm just getting started. Every year I seem to achieve more than the last that when I look back I have tangible evidence of how much I've grown. This is kick ass and makes me look ahead at 2014 with wide eyes and pure excitement. 

Life is full of little and big accomplishments. And the best way to immerse yourself deeper into your capacity for greatness, to connect to the master within yourself, is to stop and acknowledge yourself, stretch it out and ready yourself to go even deeper and farther.

I'm driving my self much faster than I was before.
Zoom zoom zoom.
Watch out 2014.

Thursday, November 21

Early Bird Ping Pong Thoughts

I'll never fail you at this game.

It's 12:55AM and I can't go back to sleep. Of all the thoughts that start up, this is the one that wins.

I have to get up early for work tomorrow. Today.


It's this that takes over my moonlit sleep time.

This is my favorite game to play.

What can I say?

What's that one thing in your life that you keep coming back to?

For me, it's this - the romance of it, the magic of it, the possibility of it, the it's-in-my-wildest-dreams of it. It's that one thing that's just a part of who and what I am. I'm more than married to it. Like a mirror that never fails to show me my reflection, no matter what does or does not go on, this is that thing that just can't be put down, dropped, put aside. It goes where I go, like a living shadow. Because in the grandest sense, it is what I am.

And I know, I'm never alone in my thoughts of this.

Monday, November 4

Life of a scholar

There's something about listening to classical music while writing on the nature of consciousness that transports me into feeling like I'm in some giant cathedral of a library, sitting on an elevated platfrom by a giant desk with volumes of books tossed around in every direction.

I'm actually just at a desk in front of a computer...but the feeling is still extraordinary.

Friday, October 25

Holograms of the Strange Actress

It's that same old song sung through a different mouth and I'm wondering when you're going to realize the web you'd trapped yourself in.

I wonder how long it'll take you to break this record you have repeating.

Your girlfriend says she's had enough, she can't take it, can't do it no more. She's getting off this roller-coaster ride bending herself in half over all the dreams she gave up for you.

You try to play the song again and all it says is...failed to load.

You oughtta be grateful for that. Because when the old song won't play no more, is when you'll force yourself to live something new. The only habit left to break is the habit of being that old you. You know the one, the one that sought this song out, picked it out of a thousand faces, and convinced himself this was it.

It's nice to see you breaking down...it's nice to see you breaking through.

I'm swinging my legs sitting on a beam of a broken down floating castle. My legs dangle and swing to the beat of this something new. Yeah, I hear this you. Head cocked to the right, bent a little to the side, and I hear a new voice ripping through the old you.

Maybe you'll accuse me of being cruel, of playing games fit for middle school. Or maybe you'll thank me for my warning and you'll walk by knowing I'll never tell a soul of the secrets locked in your graceful stroll. Your eyes stay locked to my eyes and you know what I know, and still I'll never tell a soul.

Tuesday, October 15

Galactic Humor

"I find it inconceivable that the galactic mind is less funny and perceptive than I am" 
- the perceptive lyrics of Leary

Wednesday, October 9

To Your Knees

Let's call Her Dante's mistress
And not his muse
Let's see through Her mystery
Riding into brown eyes with black irisis
Taking a trip deep into
The spaces of Space
From which she hails
No man can father his creativity
Without first fixing himself to some muse
Tucked under the arms of an inspired man
Is always Her
From folklore to whore to mistress to muse
She has many forms none of which have to do
With the physical guises that she assumes
She is nature and woman and lover and man
She is the subject of a relentless obsession
A provocative hallucination
Causing a collision of your own senses
Born for the sole purpose of bringing
Every creative heart to its knees
Let's not call her Dante's mistress
Let's call her his Divine Undoing

(c) Kidest M. 2013

Monday, October 7

We Are Sound

We are only patterns of sound doing the dance of sacred form, are we not?

Sunday, October 6

Hello Marco

Thrice in the span of a single day did I hear the name Marco
Three different stories speaking of the same name
I like to pay attention
And when the strings of life dance together
to knit me a new sweater
I think to myself...I can't wait to try this new garment on
Marco Marco Marco
Now that is a beautiful name that I'll never tire of speaking.

Wednesday, September 18

The Human Technology

Our evolutionary potential excites me. I imagine that the technologies that will really blow our minds away are the internal ones - when we begin to cultivate our ability to create new, never before imagined, emotions and states, new frequency ranges of feeling, perceiving, and experiencing through the nervous system, we will begin to understand the magic of being human. Can you imagine discovering a new emotion? A new neurochemical sequence that communicates something beyond the happiness spectrum? More cerebral centers to evolve or activate. More bundled nerves, thinking centers, to discover in the body. More understanding of the infinite to unfold.

Friday, August 16

Don't Deny the Animal

There is a great marriage
all around me
of animal and spirit
of chaos and structure
of form and the force that plays it
Nature is sex
and Sex is Spirit
Now with open eyes I look
and all I see is
what's looking through
the lustful eyes of a beast
we have our concepts and our stories
we have our morality and our boundaries
we have arbitrary lines of do's and do nots
and in it all we've forgotten
that there is no refining the animal within
where boundaries are not
where forms run free
is a world where
the animal is only a mask
worn by an otherworldly light
don't deny the animal
the animal is Me

(c) Kidest M., 2013

Saturday, August 10

My Live As A Happy Camper

Ever wonder where our over used phrases come from?

Happy Camper

I use that  one a lot, even though going out into the woods and sleeping on jagged rocks rarely ever appeals to me. The only type of "camping" I've done and will do is one's in which there is a cottage by a lake with beds and a toilet - and of course good company. I love being in the woods and in nature, but not exposed to the bugs and wiggly things and having to sleep on hard ground while having to work to keep warm, build fires and the like. Granted I do like sitting around a nice bonfire by the beach sippin on all the good foreign beer my heart adores.

Moral of my post?

There isn't one. I  was just reflecting on how content I feel in my bubble, how much I feel like "a happy camper" when my brain farts led me down the road of this train of thought about camping and being happy.

Life is good - I look around me at what unfolds and how it unfolds and I can't help but remain in wonder at this whole being alive thing.

Reasons for my happy campdom-ness
#1 I'm alive and present
#2 I'm living in the most beautiful environment ever - where ocean and trees speak a language I've always been drawn to
#3 I'm surrounded by beautiful sparkly shiny people and every new face I meet, effortlessly falls into that description - I'm in love with the friendlies in my life

There's more to my list, but I have to go shop for food before the Saturday shopping craziness commences. I love being at the store when it's practically empty. That too adds to my feeling like a "happy camper".

Sunday, July 21

Forever In Your Heart

I never left
I kept telling you
I crawled into your skin
And became one with you
I'm not just yours
I'm only ever you
Where ever you go
There I am too

I came freely into your sight
To remind you that you are the light
Forever lit, I am with you
There's nothing for me to leave on for you
I never left
I keep telling you

We crawled, we walked
We shred the shackles around the heart
And now we glide side by side
You are the dream I live inside
You are the flight into new heights
You're not standing alone anymore
You are flying inside the love you adore

We don't have to hold anything
We don't have to remember
We are forever here in this present
As lover and beloved
Always one down in the heart
Darling, I'm forever in your heart
I'll never leave
I'll always remind you

~ (c) 2013 Kidest M.

Thursday, July 11

Wonder Not Wander

I realized something recently - I stopped searching "out there" for things, for everything. I caught myself having interest only in the magic of being and having completely got over the wandering into thoughts of "what's happening over there." This to me is the beginning of trusting life completely, trusting that come what may and whatever comes this way, it is all so absolutely perfect that you can't help but just know that life is on your side, that it is life that's got your back. The things that come and the things that don't come are blessings equally, and for as long as you keep yourself in alignment with the higher energies of the unseen realms, your waking world unfolds in ways to continue fueling the journey of your heart.

It feels freeing to throw away your cares, your wanderings, your what if's, in favor of this knowing that all is well, all was well, and all will be well. You can know that, you know? You can feel into that reality thread and let it be what leads you into your next moment and the one after that and the one after that. There is no deadline, there is no rush, there is no holding back - there is only the affirmation that YES, you are indeed powered and supported by an invisible Super Being every which way you turn. You can give yourself permission to deeply let go into that recognition.

When you focus on how life is doing you, how life is being you, when you allow the marvel of existing in all the ways you do come into your awareness, every other care in the world dissolves away and you are absorbed in the full bliss of being here, being you, right now. This is the integrated journey of being that will allow you to access resources beyond the reach of the wandering mind. Neither here nor there, neither yesterday or later, matter.

It's just you and this pulse of life that lives you in this moment. Look at that. Feel into that. Delve into that. And then whisper your dreams into it. This is the communion of being alive. To be still, to feel, to connect to the life that is being you and that is doing you in this very moment, that is orchestrating everything to do with you in this instant. When you do this, when you get still and connect like this, your are speaking to the current of life itself. And when you've developed your ability to commune with this, you will let yourself be carried trustingly by it into the worlds your heart has always dreamed of.

Life is epic, every second of every day.

Sunday, July 7

Immortal Fame

Entertainment is a funny culture to me - and not at all the arts and crafts of movies, the genius and coordination that goes into filming a story or putting on a great concert - the culture I'm writing about is all the fan-dom pandemonium that surrounds movies, their actors, musicians and their music. There's true appreciation and then there is freak-me-out crazy obsession. It's a very strange range of human behavior to witness in action. I've been physically present watching someone totally flip out because someone "famous" was in their sight. And for as much as I love observing, decoding, and understanding human behavior, this part of the reaction to someone "famous" is one that still leaves me to scratch my head. Like what is that person seeing in that moment? How are they perceiving this person and translating it in their minds eye?

Because in those moments, and there have been enough for me to repeatedly study this, what I see and what that person freaking out sees are two completely different realities. I see another human, who eats and shits like everyone else, but who also happens to have either an incredible voice I love or a talent to bring some character to life and make me believe in it. But I've still seen them as a human being. I've yet to meet someone that I've looked at and gone screaming crazy jumping up and down, and better yet, completely losing all consciousness over. It's not that I want to have that experience really, I doubt I ever will, but more so I want to understand what's behind that reaction - what stories, definitions, concepts, reactions are being internally cycled for someone to look at another human being, a complete stranger most of the time, and lose their shit? Sometimes to the point of over-accelerating their heart rate and cutting off the oxygen flow to their system and passing out? It intrigues me. Completely. Like, why would you put your nervous system through that and then lose out on an actual connection or conversation with your idol in the process? A reaction is never a reaction. A reaction is always a self-imposed state of being you throw your nervous system into.

So it's really one of those patterns that makes me wonder: who was the first famous person on our planet? Who was the first paparazzi? Who was the first person, caveman, cave woman, village person, to even care about what that famous person was doing with his lunch? When did that first star struck dumb-founded out-of-the-skin-freaking-out reaction take place on this planet of ours? In what century and under what circumstances? Did the play writers and performers from centuries ago evoke the same reactions in their audience? Did the first man or woman to ever hum like an angel have followers that went to his or her show in every village he or she traveled to on the back of a donkey or a caravan of camels? Who coined the term celebrity?

When did we get like this? When did we collectively accept that it was normal and an every day occurrence to go bat shit insane screaming crazy over another human being?

This whole culture of celebrity and billions of dollars made on the coming and going's of screen and stage gods and goddesses is one that absolutely fascinates me. That we have erected an entire industry of "news" and magazines, that we have mass consumerism around it, that we have rituals and practices in response to gaining the attention of some celebrity - all of these things and the wide-spread nature of them, scratches my curiosity. The concepts of fame and celebrity and the way so many human beings relate to them...its something I totally love looking at under a microscope.

Monday, July 1

Catch A Feeling

I want to grab this feeling and write it down.

Today is all about laughter - the kind where you throw your head back, open wide and let it out loudly from deep within your belly. Laughing without reservation with the volume set to high - 'cause this is when we're high.

This is when you and I are the real you and I, this is when we find ourselves back to the real dance of being what we really are. The look, the sound, the feel of laughter...this is us.

And thank god for that.

Sunday, June 30

Twirling Maddness

I feel like putting on a flowy girly long dress, walking into the middle of a grassy field and twirling endlessly while my skirt skirts itself like the song of a sufi dancer. That's what I feel like today. That's what I used to do when I was six or seven years old. I've always loved spinning, twirling, getting dizzy. I'd put on one of the dresses that belonged to my mom, short on her, dragging on me, then I'd walk to the center of our gated neighborhood and spin myself, with no one around, with nothing else stirring around me but that feeling. That's what I feel like doing today.

'Cause it's good.

Starting from the flustered hello's of the tattooed young man to the way my whole entire day has unfolded, that's what I feel called to do.

Funny thing though, I don't have a long girly dress to twirl in. I need to get on that like stat!

Saturday, June 29

On Magic and Books

Sometimes I forget just how magical I am. I really forget. I don't know why. Because it's just a fact of my existence. I am magical. Not unlike the mythical unicorns and faeries of old tales. I'm not convinced that they are tales anyway but that's a whole other thing. But then I'm reminded of it. Like I'll have a thought in some place and forget about it, I'll wish a wish, like a whimsical passing sigh-inducing kind of feeling that passes on, and I move on. And then somehow some way I'll end up back in that spot I made that wish, I felt that feeling, and lo and behold it has manifested into something magical, real, and tangible. It's like I'm this magical gardener who plants with thoughts and consumes with her senses the forms those thoughts have brought to life.

I like it. I like it a whole lot. I have it in my heart to keep writing about that.

I'm also reading a lot. I don't know what brought it on. And not like the non-fiction laborious philosophical mind bending stuff I've been reading for a decade. For over a decade that's all I ever did. I was constantly in deep thought annoyed by the everyday stuff of ordinary thought and enamored with the abstract spaces of consciousness. And then suddenly I walked into the world of fiction. It's a different world. A world of stories, a world of total and utter escapism where you live moments experiencing feelings and living realities you never experienced in your own everyday manifestation of life. Wow. The world of fiction within fiction within fiction is extraordinary, making you yield yourself to the power and color and feelings of worlds that weren't a part of your everyday experience. I've let myself get lost in so many stories that they're blending into this giant blur of an adventure. I'm allowing it. I feel like I'm reliving a childhood of play and wonder all over again in a completely new way.

I'll get back to the metaphysics, to the philosophy, and the deep undoing of everything I currently hold to be true. That will always be a way of being. And this? This world of fiction? That will be the elevator I ride from one magical moment of my own to the next. Somewhere along the way I have fallen in love, even more deeply, with the power and adventure of words.

Wednesday, June 26


Days like today say we're on the right track.

Equal treatment, equal offering, equal support, equal opportunity for every being on the planet is not something that should ever be up for debate.

Wednesday, June 19

Unsent Letters

I'm dreaming of the South of France and Northern Italy.
I'm dreaming of hopping flights to end up in scenes right out of my mind movie.
I'm dreaming.
I'm breathing.

I'm living in between worlds that have gone
And worlds that are coming.
I'm seeing.

Sometimes it feels like a wormhole of some kind had swallowed me and then has spit me back out. That's when I realize I wasn't here but now I am. It's a strange feeling, to go for days and days and wake up one morning feeling like...oh hey, I'm here. Where have I been? Maybe we all travel through time and space and universes as unseen parts of ourselves take on missions that are greater than our little minds can understand. So we feel partially here and partially somewhere that our conscious minds don't understand. And when these missionary parts of ourselves return, we feel like our whole selves again. Perhaps?

I'm going to stop promising I'll stay in touch with everyone I keep promising I'll stay in touch with. I've decided that those hearts that are meant to be on my path and in my life will be there whether or not my commitments to earthly commitments and lifetime priorities make it evident how in love with them I will always be. I'm available. I'm not available. I'm available. To take and not take your call. A friend asked why I committed to write three books in one year. I don't know really, but the responses I get and the changes I see in those that take in those words that come through...I'm here to give all I can give so a ready mind and heart can fly to the center-less sun of our creative existence. What happened to our sense of connectedness before phones and the internet anyway?

Let's live in those times where we knew that we just knew how loved we were regardless of the number of words and voices and gifts that reached our eyes and hands and mouths. Love is all that is real, whether or not we succeed in showing up when we were and are supposed to show up. I'm always showing up. Just not in the forms you're used to or expect me to. I never leave the heart or the sides of the pieces of my self that show up as loved one's. But I have things to accomplish, minds to crack open, and hearts to fuel into the love of a great big something that we all think is nothing. That's what has my undivided attention more so than any forms of social and conditioned obligations. I wonder what kind of mother I'm going to be. Someday. A great one, I'll decide that right now too.

This is the letter I'll never send, the sentiment I won't put to words and send to particular eyes. There, I'll just be leaving it with...I'm sorry, I love you, I'll do better...next time.

Now back to our regularly scheduled hallucinations.

Saturday, June 8

Some Things Just Can't Be Written Off

Life is good. And quiet right now. It's always like this before things bubble up again and it gets even better. This is my birthday month after all.

My days are spent working through my various commitments - jobs, clients, books, dog, exercise. That's the gist of what fills up my right now coloring book. That and text messaging with family. Things bubble and I get the usual preview of things to come, inklings of passing thoughts in someone else's mind, and I shrug to myself hoping my telepathic replies reach the intended destination as my relied upon words through this blog are few and far between. That and the dream-scapade are my chosen platforms of play and communication. Expect me there and you'll find lots more info than in this little corner of the internet. I get a lot done when the body appears to sleep. And I'm assured that it is a much more vivid and lifelike delivery system than our electronic world currently offers us.

I've been off the internet more often than I'm on it - I've let go of my reliance on the world of social media to keep me posted on my friends and loved counterparts. I've replaced the time it takes to go through status updates with arts and crafts. I have glitter stuck in my finger nails as I write this and am 20,000 words deep into book #2, and have randomly started writing a love story which is about 10,000 words deep in the first week. It's an interesting process, where my metaphysical book feels like I'm bending myself in eight different directions to complete it (I feel stretched beyond description), this unnamed love story randomly presents itself to my mind in clips of scenes. I literally see the characters acting and talking in my head and then go to write about their life. It's been such a contrast in the writing process. But nonetheless, it all completely swallows me into different worlds, and I love it. 

I tune into life differently now, hovering above my life like a spaceship hovers above the earth. My ground is different and has been for what seems like months, but the whole idea of months is really childs play as time doesn't exist, nor has it ever existed. This is good. Because I'm not coming back "down".

The thing of it is, everything  I see is what's destined to be. There is no wiggling out of your own skin, that lifetime that is your whole body - you can tweak and alter and re-design, but the heart of it all is gratefully shaped by an untouchable hand, and how it has written it all out in the stars and in your cells, is what spells out the inevitable magic of who and what you really are. Who you are is an entire life-time, a streaming atmosphere of life playing out the play of materiality. So the thing to do is settle in the realization of the choiceless choice, the love in your heart that will paint itself into moments that blow your mind away over and over and over. You have flexibility in so much, but the love atmosphere that lives you, the ethereal wonder that paints you, that is just an un-erasable part of your makeup. Some thing's just can't be written off or denied, no matter what you tell yourself, because those love things are etched in a world beyond the plausible one you hold so dear. This incredible Love that writes us, is above and beyond us, the us that you take us to be.

So just enjoy all that there is to love and all that there is to be loved by. Hover along if you will or don't. We are firmly pasted on every possible stage and every possible page, and we have never been or will ever be anything that can be written off. You have never been without. Anything. Not even whatever version of me you think is missing or has disappeared. 

Sunday, June 2

Clean Energy, Clean Planet

We're going in the right direction: Germany has the world's first algae-powered building. The largest wind farm on the planet now sits in the southern hemisphere. France is building a completely solar-powered sports stadium scheduled to open in 2015.

Algae powered building in Germany

  Solar powered sports stadium (concept) - France

Friday, May 31

Will you...prancercise with me?

This. This just makes me happy. I now envision a world of happy prancercisers every where.

Definitely one of my favorite humans on the planet.

Sunday, May 26

Licking SoulMates

Sometimes I meet people and sitting across from them looking into their eyes, glistening maybe from happiness or maybe from cannabis, hearing the details in their names or birthdays and jobs or where they've moved here from, I realize with deep giddiness just what the moment is.

Something that will only ever be significant to me. Something that will only ever hold meaning for me and the particular sequence of moments I have had up until this moment where I'm sitting here and they're sitting there and we're looking, laughing, and sharing.

And I want to reach across the table and lick this virtual stranger's face as my heart bubbles up with joy for what they represent.

But I don't.

Because for all intents and purposes that is (in)appropriate behavior reserved only for the closest of friends.


Sunday, May 19

I stop the world to blog

At times my blog feels like a body...my body. I want to color it up. Paint its toes. Lotion up its elbows. And scrape off the dried eye goo from its eyes. I'm constantly posting. In so many angles both seen and unseen. Sharing is my nature and when I come to share and I look at my blog or whatever other else, and it just doesn't look like what I know it to be...it changes. It doesn't reflect the frequency of my own changes but it changes  It changes in tone. In focus. In content. In color. In appearance. In readership.

The coolest thing over the years has been who reads these words. I don't know all of them. I know the friends who use it to stay in the loop of my shenanigans  since I still play the part of the busy i-hate-using-the-phone person. I'm grateful for them and love them. And then there are the rest of the eyes I may or may not ever get to meet. They are plastered around the globe from Beijing to Kazakhstan to Jaimaca. I don't know how they find me here. But they do. And have been for years.

This is the coolest thing ever to me.

I picture myself still blogging when I'm 80.

Here's to always having something to share!

Sunday, May 12

Queen of the Jungle

This one's for all the Queens of the Jungle and the way they know how to wear the mom's voice. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Wednesday, May 8

Dangling Side Ways

I've been dangling my feet sitting on the tiny point of right now and right here.
I feel like I am a billion light years above the ground
Smiling brightly and looking down
And all I keep feeling while reeling in the magic of being
Is how ecstatic I am to be Here

Monday, May 6

The Fourth Act

Laundry sits fresh off the clothes hanger in my living room and the Buddha stares at me with his eyes closed.

I don't know where the past few days have gone, or where I've been (have I been?), I only know that it is all backwards now.

This is the most important change I've ever made.

It feels like I've shaved thirty two years off my back.

My apartment and everything in it needs a redo.

My belly needs emptying.

And I need to get myself to a desk before everything changes for the best.

Saturday, May 4

I am like Prozac

I got my 6 month review at my tech job. It was more like a high-five fest than anything else. My supervisor's unofficial comment was that I was like prozac for the environment. I just sat in my chair giggling and feeling all sorts of the warm fuzzies. That whole morning felt like an ocean of playfulness and happiness. I'm surrounded by people who can reflect that zing for life right back to me, and that just works to make the space around me that much more fun and infused with a kind of uncapped joy.

I don't try to be positive or work to look on the bright side of things. The world to me is a magical place, all I see is brightness, all I see is potential, all I see this something I can't for the life of me find all the words to describe - and if you notice it when you see me, or you feel uplifted, or you feel the happiness, it's THAT, that's what I'm looking at and communing with most of my moments - what touches you in those moments is this Thing that I'm aware of and see and recognize in everything. I can't tell you how often I fall in love with things inside myself. Even amidst all the crap we have unfolding in our world I'm so aware of the light and possibility in it all. We have work to do, yes, definitely, but we can do it while being in touch with this invisible but tangible thick like chocolate milk presence that has folded itself into everything.

The more I learn about our world, this shared space that is overflowing with life force in every direction, the more I can't help but see and fall madly in love with the hidden treasure that is most definitely in plain sight - this treasure is life itself, being alive, being here, being this inexplicable experiencers we all are. I look at pictures from when I was a kid, and all my baby one's are of me either grinning wildly like I'm so happy to be here or my eyes are wide and all you can see in them is that same happiness. I've concluded that I was just born to be happy. That's my purpose in the world. All the other stuff I do is just the icing on the cake, but my core purpose? Just to revel in the love affair with life, listening to the magic, and witnessing the power and light inside of me come into its fullness. The light inside of us, that is the source of happiness, joy, and is a wonder beyond all wonders.

I love it Here. So very much.

And it's with that love that this has been started: http://ichooseearth.tumblr.com

It will be a space of inspiration, information, and empowerment toward and into the world we're so ready to all birth. I'll see you here, there, and everywhere in between.

in unfiltered happiness,

Friday, May 3

Follwing the Scent...of Jasmine

My jasmine plant is starting to flower. What I love is the way the smallest flower can take over my senses. It reminded me of a house I walk by regularly on my breaks at work.

I loved walking by it. And even more so once I learned the story of the man who lives there. One morning, as I was on my usual walk, a man was taking things out of a car parked at this Jasmine House, and putting them into his backpack. He greeted me joyfully. He kind of had that hippy gypsy like vibe with his bandena on his head and his Mountain Equipment Coop backpack.

I smiled and said hello, and thanked him for making my morning walks that much more enjoyable because of his Jasmine. He corrected me and said that this wasn't his house. It belonged to his friend who lets him park his car there. He goes on to tell me that the owner of the house is an architect who built and designed the house to be environmentally friendly. My heart smiles. This was just the meeting I needed.

That's when the solar panels on the roof caught my attention. He went on to tell me that the owner generates zero garbage and has a wood stove he uses to heat the house.

My heart smiles again. 

If we start looking, we will find inspiration to keep going on our chosen path, whatever that is, the universe is ever ready to guide us into the right meetings, the right conversations, the right and perfect moments to confirm to us and reflect to us that whatever we choose, we are supported.

I am so beyond grateful that there are already conscious beautiful human beings who are committed to minimizing their impact on this beautiful planet. I am both inspired and encouraged, awake and open, to the changes we are so capable of implementing in our day to day moments.

Here is to the paths laden with the scent of beautiful and inspiring things. Here is to every beautiful conscious human on this planet laying the grounds for a beautiful earth life and leading all of us by example.

Thank you for who you are being, what you are embodying, and what you are sharing.

Sunday, April 28

This HoneyMoon Phase

I completely forgot about this book until I was reminded of Don't Wake Me from this Dream. In the song is a line that says "this honeymoon phase, I hope it lasts forever, I hope these fuzzy feelings never fade" - well right around the time the song first got played I heard about Bruce Lipton's new book. It caught my attention only because it talked directly about the honeymoon phase. It's called the Honeymoon Effect: the Science of Creating Heaven on Earth.

This was something I'd never thought about before. As much as I understand and teach that we have complete power in the states of being we move ourselves into, I hadn't yet thought about the possibility that in a relationship, we can create and maintain whatever states we desire, and that we often unconsciously do.

No relationship pattern is imposed upon us - it is something we co-create, sustain, and cycle internally.

How empowering is it to wake up to that?

Funny how these things unfold, how you can't get a song out of your head or you fall in love with its lines, only then to draw into your life the means to maintain whatever state you were just humming about.

So really, you can even sing how:
...this honeymoon phase
I can make it last forever
I can make these fuzzy feelings
never fade

The Universe so readily reminds us that you can make it yours, you can make it last, you can throw it out the window, because it's all in your hands.

I. Love. This.

Saturday, April 27

Vibrational Spa Dates

Every once and again I link up with my heart-sisters scattered across the planet, usually in the form of a skype group call. Who ever can make it makes it and we play catch up based on a theme one of us is inspired to explore. I had no intention of making it to this one as I'd be at work for the agreed upon time.

Well lo and behold I got to go home early that day without any effort on my part. I'd forgotten about the call or anything else related to it. I came home and got myself a copy of Words, the movie with Bradley Cooper. I had the intention of watching it later in the day or in the week. I looked at the time and it's mid-day for me. Sweet, I have a whole afternoon to myself. My mom texts me right then. It's been a few weeks since we've touched base so she's waiting for me on Skype. So I get on Skype, which she adorably sometimes calls Skip, and there are messages about the group call. I look at the time and realize I will actually be home and can make it. I wrap it up with my mom, take my dog for a walk, get my endorphin's going with a good workout and grab my dinner. I'm ready!

Before we start the call one of the ladies posts about how she loves the trailer for Words and links us to it. I laugh. This is how we always flow, on similar if not the same wavelength.

The conversation starts with what we think about reality and fiction, how they show up for us. I chime in and I express that to me, what we're taught to be fiction and fantasy is actually the reality and what we're taught is the reality is the fiction. This holds true for me more and more each day as I witness the world of my imagination take shape into my moments. This goes double to what I get to witness with my clients as we work together. Synchronicity. Shock. Confirmation. Awe. Excitement. All of it is a daily visitor of my waking world. Dreams don't come true, they are already true. Dreams to me, those things you wish for, are like memories of events that have happened somewhere in this complex continuous web of time and space. They are real. The line between fiction and reality is drawn the wrong way as we're taught to perpetuate a false experience of limitation.

One of the ladies replies - "is that in a blog?"

Well, now it is. 

I may have blogged about this before but I can't recall so here I am again expressing this reversal of a paradigm we've been taught is the way things are. We are taught that limitation is a reality. We are taught that settling is the reality. We are taught that the cards that you are dealt with are it, that you are dealt them from the outside - that you just have to make do. We are taught en masse that things don't always work out for everyone. Fate and destiny are held to be powers imposed upon you where you have no say in how your life-boat is steered in this creative living river of a Universe.

Not so! Not so! Not so!

Everyone that's called bullshit on this premise has taught, expressed, and painted a picture of a world, an expanse, that is an inexplicable canvas where your imagination, your feelings, your inner seeing can, if you allow it, plaster itself as your world. Not as some delusional private world that no one else but you can see, but as a shared reality everyone participates in. I recall an interview Will Smith did, about how he finds there is almost a delusional like quality to those who succeed in living their dreams - they hold on fastly to what they see with their inner vision. And there kind of is in the beginning what may appear to be a delusional awareness, where you can't explain how you know that what is not yet visible will become visible, and what you don't yet have in your hands will come to stand in your hands. But it's more than that - it's this inner knowing of how things really work, an ancient understanding you've always carried with you. And to be honest, who cares if you come off as crazy? If you know what you know, who do you have to answer to at the end of the day? Every great feat of our world began with someone willing to be crazy enough to dream a different dream.

Fate and destiny make use of you as you make use of them. Nothing in this world is an imposition - everything is a co-creative dance between you, your heart, your mind, and this unknown force of a universe showing up as your world.

I hold that if we pay attention to how we are moved and how life moves in us, we will understand that our understandings of fiction and reality have been reversed, for we, have always been the paint with which we color our world.

Our group call just grew from there as we collectively oooo'd and aahh'd over how our individual lives continue to unfold synchronisitcally with an awareness of our creative place that both grows us and grows inside of us. One of the ladies felt like she was at a vibrational spa. And that's exactly what it felt like, we were in this relaxation and elevation saturated bubble that lifted all of us into our inner radiance.

It was a fantastic call.

Thursday, April 25

Speak for Me

There comes a point where you cease going to your projections for validation of any kind. That's a good point to find yourself standing on.

What is a shadow? How can that ever be a true source of validation? You must look to the Unknown. Look deep into Its eyes and find the only Truth that rests beyond the world of mind.

We are, in a lot of ways, taught to continually go "out there" for answers, for support, for connection, for acknowledgement. And while on a certain level connections are delicious and extensions of acknowledgment can reflect to you more than you expect, ultimately the primary source of true and complete satisfaction is entirely within. If you forget this, you will forever be leaving the source of deep inescapable bliss for shadows born of barren lands. Look not to the meaningless for answers. Always go back to the source.

Between intuition and what you access when you are in meditation, whether walking or sitting, or simply being in your being, it's as clear as ever to me that the greatest support seeps on in not always through faces you know but through avenues and mediums you never expected to come to face with.

I look at the world that has formed before me and I can see it as clear as day. And where certain matters are concerned all the answers I could ever need are directly in plain sight, elegantly and brightly being showcased before my very eyes by the brilliant dance of light that is my life. I connect the dots and put the pieces a cosmic hand hands over to me. I keep quiet and do my work and let the story speak for me.

That I am loved by a love greater than any shadow could ever portray, is a matter of fact displayed at all hours of the day.And I am starting at it with all of my eyes wide open.

Wednesday, April 24

When's not to Love?

When everything you thought was fiction becomes a reality
and everything you thought was reality becomes fiction

That's when you know
you have become who you were always meant to be.

It makes me appreciate my destiny that much more.
That a future love could have seen me as this
before I saw myself.
That a heart can know what it knows
That a heart can accept what the mind had denied for so long
And stay steady

Thank you dear heart for knowing what you know

I'm amazed
and excited
to wear this skin
that's taken so many scenes
to form itself
as me

Thank you life
for putting me exactly where I'm meant to be

It's not fantasy
This is the real world
This is where we were always meant to be.

Monday, April 22

Going the Distance

Ever wonder why it is we know what we know? I met with my personal trainer to go over how to do my set of workouts properly, and I'm still sore in very strange places.

Firstly, I learned that I know nothing about the body and how it runs. I knew nothing about big muscles and small muscles and learned things that as I absorbed made a lot of sense to me. Most of my life I've been a mental acrobat. Ideas, thinking, writing, using my mind and being my mind come easily. My body? It takes some conscious paying attention to, in a way that I didn't always know how to be in it. I used to work out regularly in high school and I for the most part have been skinny most of my life. But that doesn't necessarily mean fitness. 

Somewhere along the way I completely unlearned what I knew about fitness. And while I pay attention to what I eat because I'm vegetarian, I don't really pay attention to my level of fitness. That all came to light when I tried to do laps in the pool and was exhausted within fifteen minutes. It woke me up. So I committed to being strong in body - it's great that I can walk for hours or enjoy movement, but I am inspired to kick that up more notches than I'm comfortable with. I don't know why, but I feel it and trust it, and so am busting myself to achieve a new level of fitness.

Strong in mind, definitely.
Strong in heart, work on it everyday.
Strong in body, on it to own it.

Whatever it is I welcome this.

Lately my drive has also been different. So has my level of irritation but that's an easy fix. My interests have been different. I look at myself with little recognition, in a good way, in a way that's surprising to me just how much energy I have to extend myself in the various branches I'm extending myself. And in the process I'm learning the art of not over-committing. That was a good lesson.

I don't know where it's going, but what I'm sure of is the trust I have in life and my own being.

We have to trust those inspired impulses, listen carefully to the pulls and synchronicity showing up. There's a message in them, an extension from a different realm, guidance, and support all wrapped up in the same candy wrapper.

I'm listening, I'm being guided, I'm letting myself go the full distance.

Natural Beauty

Sunday, April 21

Not Earth DAY, Earth LIFETIME

It makes more sense to treat the earth with respect and consciousness every single day that you are on it than on one arbitrary day every year. We have some really weird traditions. Turn off equipment, power, electricity you don't need every day. Reduce your waste and dependence on plastic every day. Recycle every day. Re-purpose everyday. Consume water consciously every day. All of it. Every. Day.

You want to be fit? Then just have one day a year dedicated to good eating habits and exercise.

You want to know more and learn more? Then just have one day a year dedicated to learning and knowing.

You want to live your dreams? Then just have one day in the year dedicated to making them come true.

Yeah, it sounds absurd when you put it that way right?

Change comes when you make that change a lifestyle, a living practice, a way of being in the world. 

It applies every which way you can look at it. 

Thursday, April 11

Green Campaigning Grows!

More BC Greens commit to measuring their campaign Carbon Footprints!

Jane Sterk (Leader - Victoria-Beacon Hill)
Andrew Weaver (Deputy Leader, Oak Bay-Gordon Head)
Adam Olsen (Saanich North - Gulf Islands)
Carrie McLaren (Burnaby - North)
Mayo McDonough (Nanaimo-North Cowichan)
Spencer Malthouse (Victoria-Swan Lake)
Kerry Davis (Cowichan Valley)
Ian Gartshore (Nanaimo)
Darwin Burns (Burnaby-Lougheed)
Chris George (Shuswap) - and our first BC interior candidate,

Thats 10 so far, and we're anticipating more over the next few days!

Wednesday, April 10

Do you love the Earth?

Living where I live, I get to wake up each day to a nature abundant environment. I am grateful for this and often find myself awe struck and my breath stolen by the beauty of this planet I get to be on. I often find myself saying - I love this planet, I love this earth, I love this home.

Questions and conversations around "green" movements to me include creating awareness around this one thing - our awareness of our love for the earth.

Do you love the Earth?
Do you love being on this planet?

From my observation, our love for our home isn't or doesn't seem to be at the forefront of our collective awareness. Many are so absorbed in the moment to moment minute details of human life, that this broader question of: "do I love being on this planet? Do I love this earth?" isn't a point of reflection.

I feel it - I feel that if we were truly aware of how we feel about being on this planet, how we feel about the Earth, if we were taught to think and consider that in schools, then our relationship with the planet, with the earth, with our environment would be different. Our relationship with being here, living off of this great and beautiful expanse of elements, would be a conscious one.

So I wonder if that has to be included in our green conversations.

Do you love being here? Do you love living on earth?

And if you were fully aware of how much you love living on this planet and being here today, what would you do differently?

We've created a culture of calling those that remind and invite us into this question "hippies" and "tree huggers" so as to not really allow ourselves to look at how careless and clueless we have been allowed to be about one of the most important relationship in our lives. The call to change our impact is a call for us to wake up to this important relationship.

And that's where a shift is needed - because when we are in love with something and when we come into awareness of how that something is already loving us, that awareness inspires us into behaving differently, into behaving with love instead of disregard and unconsciousness.It is where we love, and when we love, that we show up responsible.

Monday, April 8

The Right Kind of Planet

RKOP - right kind of planet

This is an idea that's brewing in my heart-mind right now, and has been for a little while. At first I thought I'd love to work for/with Jason on creating some sort of street team or group or forum where the conscious planeteers of our community could gather to heart-storm and brain-storm up solutions and points of action on how we can (continue to) contribute to and influence changes in support of reducing our footprints, supporting our local farms and establishments, and creating a culture of conscious consumption...having a co-creative space where we can acknowledge what we are doing and look to grow into what we could be doing. I know many of the people of the rkop community already consciously choose to be the change, and thought it would really create a growing collective of change makers.

I was waiting to think about and feel into this consciousness that's been bubbling up inside of me, pushing it aside for a few months until I made contact with him and told him about it. And then today, something changed. This idea, desire, thought just pushed itself through and out, this blog being its fourth appearance.

I don't yet know what this will form into, I do recognize the energy, drive, and the feeling of purposefulness behind it. I'll keep feeling into it and actioning it in any way that I can.

I know at the very least, I will have grown and learned in the process!

Sunday, April 7

Carbon Offsetting During Political Campaigns...Way to go Green Party BC

A few years back I got to work on a project that addressed carbon accounting, offsetting your impact, and learned a great deal about the impact we and everything we do has on the environment. It was eye opening and at the same time empowering to know that there are things we can put into action now.

And for the first time EVER, members of the BC (my Canadian home province) Green Party will be purchasing offsets for their campaign's impact, greenhouse gas emissions, on the environment.


This excites me.

Progress looks like this - it is a start!

A carbon neutral party will, I envision, evolve into a carbon neutral government - and that definitely gets my vote.

Friday, April 5

A Love So Great

It was so much more love than she’d ever felt that she didn’t know what she was feeling.

It was being hugged from the inside, out. It was cellular love.
It was a love so thorough, so complete, so wrapped through her that she thought she was having a heart attack!

It was love that was so pervasive she didn’t know what to do with it.
She couldn’t describe it, she couldn’t label it, she couldn’t contain it. It was bigger than she was consciously, and vibrationally, ready even to endure; a love so great she couldn’t quantify it or understand it.

And in time, little by little by little, she and so many others of you have raised your vibration until you feel on a very constant basis that Love wrapping through you.


Sunday, March 31

Mystery, especially He

“Nothing you become will disappoint me; 
I have no preconception that I'd like to see you be or do. 
I have no desire to forsee you, 
only to discover you. 
You can't disappoint me” 
― Mary Haskell

To presume to know you, to judge you by your words or actions or anything else visible in this world, is to forget that you will always be the beauty of a great mystery expressed.  And if what I have seen and discovered, if what I have witnessed up until this moment, is only the edge of the beauty that you are, then it is only gratitude I hold in my heart for what of yourself you share. Everything you are only draws me deeper into our embrace. There is nothing in you and there is nothing of you that leaves me with anything short of awe and wonder. You are the long awaited miracle in my world, the eternal answer to the songs in my heart.

Dear earth inhabitant...part 2

"I’m saying that there are many things about our culture – from the way we live and how society is run - that actually contribute to people being sick....The only way to live healthy in this culture is to be in it, but not of it"  - Dr. Mate    http://torontostandard.com/the-sprawl/gabor-mat 

What will it take to tip the iceberg of unconsciousness toward consciousness? I went to a big store the other day only to see shopping cart after shopping cart being put into plastic bags. As far as I could see in all directions, I was the only person at the checkout line with my own reusable bags. I triple checked scanning the aisles on either side of me. It was such a weird moment. Really? We're still here? Come on.

While I can understand the occasional "oh I forgot my bags" person in line, to see that many people just without hesitation walk out with six or seven plastic bags of items was weird - I thought I had seen progress but it may have all just been in my imagination. I usually shop at smaller stores and notice how it's the other way around. So what will it take to create a massive shift in how we consume, what we consume, and how much of our consciousness we bring into that consumption?

To me, a lot of our issues, individually and globally, are the outcome of unconscious participation in the world - where we are driven and directed by uninformed impulses. We've given up our power to ask questions, to be curious about what something means or does, or what its consequences are. What we use in our lives, what we feed ourselves, what we feed our kids, what we bring home, how much of it we bring home, on so many levels is the perfect reflection of erratic gratification that is primarily sourced by ignorance.

This. Has. to. Change.

Can we be intelligent creators and consumers? Can we ask "if I create this thing, what will its impact be" before we birth things into the world? We've given up intelligence for convenience, and that's what's hurting our bodies, both our individual bodies and the shared body that is our home planet.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a quiet vegetarian who knows the power of the heart and mind in this play-field we call our world. We can make anything happen. I don't think everyone has to convert into any one type of eating style or consumerism or give up their home to live in a small portable box made of recycled material. I think we can have the capacity to marry luxury and convenience with intelligence and consciousness - to create and consume in ways that supports the expansion and evolution of our species while nurturing the earth ground we stand on. Diversity is meant to be enjoyed, and the fruits and variety of this beautiful earth are many. I think and feel, however, that if we set out to create and enjoy ourselves consciously in all that we do, in all that we bring into our bodies, minds, hearts, and homes, in all that we build and create, that our lives and ultimately our world and its structures would be transformed...for the better.

So I keep pondering...what will it take to roll this giant whale of unconsciousness onto its side and tickle it into wakefulness?

Cause this really has to change.

Saturday, March 30

Leaning into...disorder

Oh man, where do I even begin to write about the day that has made itself today?

Lately, the words and I have been on break. After releasing my new book, it felt like my brain had committed itself to solely be interested in speaking and interacting with images. I could stare at pictures and engage and interact with images of all kinds but the moment I turned my eyes and mind toward words, blankness, void, total death of thought would come up. I took it as a sign that portions of my word-threading self had flown off into the deep to work on the next book.

And then today happened. A total professional chaotic mess I was gifted to clean up. Cleaning up my own mess, I'm all over - cleaning up after someone else's total lack of organization however makes me want to break already broken things into tiny pieces of sand and then throw them into someone's eye. Okay, maybe it wasn't that big of a thing in the grand scheme of things, but for someone who is an organizational nut like I am, the effect of stuff like this on me is as predictable as rubbing two exposed wires together near gasoline. I keep laughing in between shaking my head in disbelief. What amplified the utter annoyance was that it didn't only affect me, it put me in the middle of and in front of two other people's disappointment, shock, and confusion. So not only did I have to deal with my own neurosis, but I had to keep myself in as much a professional cage as possible so as to not exacerbate the mood and matter further. This has never been the kind of professional plate I wish to serve anyone - luckily, most of the job environments I've been in have met my professional standards or raised them altogether.

Disorganization is strange to me. It's a foreign language. If I walk into someone's home or come to the office I frequent only twice a week and see paper everywhere with no order to it, I stare at it like it's twelve week old garbage.  I am very detail oriented - I actually enjoy working with databases, spreadsheets, and lists, filing things and organizing them. I like creating order - I LOVE creating order, structuring things, grouping them together, creating clean lines and corners. So when a situation or space that is not a reflection of that comes up, some corner of my brain twitches.

Oh control, how I love you so.

I think if I take anything away from today, it's to be as comfortable in disorder as I am in order. While I'll never be one of those individuals who seeks out chaos to thrive, I sure as hell can give it a wink and a nod the next time it shows up. I just have to remember, that not everyone I meet or cross paths with will work the way I do, and the reflection of that is not always going to be a situation or space that makes sense to me. Maybe I should throw a bag of crumpled up paper onto my bed and roll around in it to drive the point home.

Saturday, March 23

This Love Is On

I feel a great love brewing
I feel it in my bones
Where ever you are my heart
There I am most at home

I heard you but I didn't listen
When you wrote about how you adored me
I was looking but I didn't see it
The love you were extending so freely

You blew away my ego
As all it kept saying was no
And you elevated my heart
In this love that's a work of art

You brought me into being
In this world we are dreaming
I once felt so far away
Traveling  galaxies, you brought me to stay

You floor me with your telepathy
And your heightened heart alchemy
A reader of light so clear
The beauty being, you were never not here

You put on the hair I like
Top it off with that hat
Your eyes are lit with love
And I'm all ready to start

Do you feel like starting something?
Do you feel like taking my hand?
What was that thing you said
About the ocean and the sand?

I feel you in my breath
I feel you in my chest
I feel you in everything
And in that I know I am blessed

~ This Love is On ~
(c) Kidest, March 23, 2013

Wednesday, March 20

Oh, Hark

I wanna do it big like Oprah.
Build schools in Africa
Build some bridges and blur some lines
All the while redefining open minds.
I wanna stretch you out into the stars
Leave a mark in your open heart.
Remind you there is no dark
When you're the light, oh hark
Hark the songs the silence sings
There are no binds, there are no stings
You know the saying, let freedom ring...

to be continued... (c) Kidest Mengistu, 2013

Sunday, March 17

Love is...

Love is what fills you up of life while emptying you of all your wounds. That's why it stirs you and strips you at the same time.

Scribbles from my journal.

Sunday, March 10

I will see the world

I know that some way and some how I'll get to stand in all the places I dream of standing in, taking in the sights, and sounds, and energy of all that is great and here. And while this map shows the places that have history, structures, places that excite my heart, I think there's something for my heart in every inch of this beautiful world. Travel excites me. Adventure excites me. New experiences thrill me.

Thursday, March 7

One Soul

The highest state of human love 
is the unity of one soul in two bodies 
- Sri Aurobindo

Tuesday, March 5

2013-03-05 Reading

One of my go to mirrors is cards and oracles. It's a way to just notice what maybe circling in my field, and I find so useful to bring to light those parts I may not be consciously aware of - and most often it accurately echoes exactly where my focus is. 

For instance, right now I'm in the process of finishing up a book on success that I'm hoping to have available for readers in the next month. I just have a couple of the chapters left to tweak and wrap up, send to a few friends for feedback, and it'll be good to go. Success has been my focus for the past several months and sure enough, it's what's in my field and showing up in the cards.

I am totally manifesting and being manifested by dreamy things - life is a good dream.

Here's the spread for right now:
The World
Card 1 (The World) : How you feel about yourself now  »
You are about to reach, or are already enjoying, a period of total fulfilment, wholeness and satisfaction - the arrival of your hearts desires. You feel satisfied with what you have achieved and are enjoying the rewards of past efforts. A time of happy outcomes, material wealth and greater spiritual awareness.
The Chariot
Card 2 (The Chariot) : What you most want at this moment  »
The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is success, to win and not give up the fight. You are successful and assertive in most things, or if you haven't quite got the success you want, you will get it. This is a time of movement and change - expect a journey relating to work, or if you want that car you've been looking at, go get it.
The Empress
Card 3 (The Empress) : Your fears  »
You are feeling insecure, perhaps have money worries, as a parent you may have concerns over your children, or perhaps it's an unplanned pregnancy. There are people around you who love and care for you and they will give you support. Try not to be over protective and do not resort to emotional blackmail, it won't do you any favours.
The Tower
Card 4 (The Tower) : What is going for you  »
Sometimes sudden disruptive change is inevitable, and as painful as it may seem, we come through it a stronger and better person. No matter how disruptive things are at the moment, or if you feel life is really against you, re-evaluate and move on - often a new direction can bring new opportunities you never dreamed of. If you have been planning to move home you will be experiencing setbacks.
The Sun
Card 5 (The Sun) : What is going against you  »
You may experience a few delays on your quest for success and achievement but don't worry, you'll get there in a blaze of glory. Success may go to your head a little so a little modesty wouldn't go amiss. Other than a few minor delays, look forward to a period of joy and happiness. If you are experiencing problems with conceiving a baby, The Sun often heralds good news around children and a much wanted pregnancy or birth of a longed-for baby.
The Star
Card 6 (The Star) : Outcome  »
This is a time of good luck and fortune, perhaps after a period of struggle and heartache. Good health, possibly after a time of illness, and good fortune that will give you a new zest of life. If considering a new love affair, new job or career, or travel, then go for it. You may also receive a gift or gifts!

Monday, March 4

Once Upon A Muse

once I was a muse
now I am a friend
then I will borrow a heart
that I don't intend to return
~ Kidest 
March, 2013

I think if what you're doing in your world always seems normal and sane and "just like you" to those that know you best, then you're not pushing out your boundaries of being enough, you're not growing yourself into new spheres of being and experience.

I don't know how healthy a precedent it is to state that for myself but I recognize how many times I've heard "this isn't like you" or "Kid this is crazy" to know that those are the exact moments that moved me into bigger playing fields of being, of seeing, of feeling, of living. And I love that.

It's not that I propose a life of recklessness, but more so occasions of it where you do what you don't expect yourself to do, you say what you don't expect yourself to say, you live what you don't expect yourself to live. There's actually no such thing as recklessness outside of the word recklessness. We confine ourselves with false prisons, the expectations and definitions in our own minds, those around us, our cultures, our overall social world. But we are not at all creatures meant to be imprisoned in this way. Freedom is what we have and what we're after in so many ways.

I feel that we are healthiest when we afford ourselves opportunities to do and be the unexpected, the unpredictable. It short-circuits the left-brain and teaches us to know that there is always so much more than our comfort zones would allow us to explore and to live.

Every moment is a wide open opportunity to live the cageless way.

Saturday, March 2

The Spotlights

oh man.

i don't always understand the energy that pulses and moves. this is so new. one moment i'm washing my hair and watering my plants. and the next i'm standing in a surge of heat and focus that's coming through like like a thousand spotlights have just been turned onto you. i suspect it's the special effects of the dragon totem i've tapped into.

the difference though?

i dive into these surges and swirls, these spaces and movements. hands and legs and heart and mind. all in. and that part of it i love. even if the ringing in my ear gets louder and the push through feels like i'm ploughing through some non existent snow bank, i move into whatever moves with commitment. my motto seems to be 'fine, let's do this' but with almost a combatants attitude. no more hiding from power. no more shrinking from change. no more hiding behind the curtains of dream things made of nothing.

and then i know i'm in the right flow when this is what shows up right after:

okay. let's do this.

Saturday, February 23

I'm A Director

It was sometime around the time I decided to drop out of graduate school. I had been reading Eckhart's A New Earth for the second time and was in This space I often expand into when I'm contemplative. I passingly thought, "I wonder what my life's purpose is."

That same day my roommate and I had a movie date - I'd known her for years, since junior high school and was renting the second bedroom of her condo in Toronto from her. Because she worked shifts at varied hours, and because I was likely going to be leaving the city, we had decided on seeing Happy Feet, just the two of us.  We were both completely in love with the idea of penguins that sing and dance - singing and dancing was a big part of our group of friends.

We got into the subway station. I went through the gate first. And just as she was about to go through, the gate stopped working. And everything slowed down. Literally. It was as if time and space had warped and I stood there near a pillar in the underground metro station while person after person stopped and asked me for direction. It was very weird, like I was the only person standing there who could be asked for direction. I stood there pointing this way, and that way, and up the stairs and toward the exit over and over again. Meanwhile, the line had formed at the entry gate and people were now coming in via the person booth. My friend walked up to me and said "what was that, that was weird". Time and space returned to their normal speed and I walked through the rest of my day more aware of my purpose in the world.

I recognize that what we contemplate is what we create a template of consciousness around. Whatever we ask, we are participants in the answers we receive, and sometimes it is blatant how grand this whole design really is. You have to pay attention to the questions you are asking, because you're constantly asking questions. The answers always show up with a loudness  that is to the degree of attention you've put into the question. Ask attentively and the answer will be loud and clear.

Friday, February 15

When You Wake A Sleeping Giant

I wonder what happens.

I keep trying to go back to sleep but something keeps poking and prodding at me and all I feel like is an angry grizzly bear who is a couple of galaxies tall and a few universes wide.

I don't know what all these jolts of electricity amount to, but I sure am excited to find out. The flow comes in and I feel like I can run a few times around the whole planet. I'm getting much more energy for the effort. It's as though God stopped drawing me in ice patterns and has now started using fire to paint my portrait. Or maybe he's using neon colors instead of invisible ink.

Don't mind the burns. Don't mind the brightness. It all amounts to dreams fulfilled in the end.

This was always going to be a good show.

Thursday, February 14

My Jessica from Brooklyn

Once upon a time, I drove down winding roads into a little town called Killington Vermont and met a girl named Jessica who was born on the leap year of February and at the time lived on the east end avenue at 63.

I always like to think of her in exactly the thread of detailing she showed up in 'cause it adds sparkle to the marvelous painting that this entire life is. We became instant friends and she's even the first love-face to gift me with rainbow knee-high toe socks.

Love is rad. Has it really been 5 years?!

And today I am so over the top happy and proud and in ecstasy about her bus adventure of standing up for herself and owning the space she occupies and the ground on which she stands that I had to immortalize the EPIC feeling that's just flooding my being. If every being on the planet spoke up and spoke out, if every being on the planet stood up and stood out, my what a world this would be.

Good God may we all breathe fire and send out a thunderous roar when we need to.

Damn straight you deserve to be treated like the queen you are. Respect! (said with a Jamaican accent)

I high-five the Giant in You!

(turtle-love forever)

Baby Smiles as Meditation

You know when you're having a frazzled day and something pops up in your face to get you to slow down, get back to earth, and just remem...