Friday, November 30

I live on an Island

Fact: I often forget that I live on an island.

It's when someone asks me if I have any travel plans that I remember this fact. I haven't had any big travel adventures since I've been here. Vancouver Island is its own world. I have the ocean. I have ancient forests.  And living in Victoria, I have the city life. It has everything I like and love in coastal living, the serene quietness I so often crave and the bustle of a small city that I enjoy, so I haven't felt the need to venture off very far. Seattle is the farthest I've gone in the past few years and that was just by ferry/bus. I've yet to step into Victoria International Airport but living on an island, there's usually an extra few hours added to your travel plans.

I also have my dog and at the thought of leaving her with anyone I seem to create a good deal of anxiety in myself. It'd be a good idea to get a handle on that since my passport is renewed now and the Universe is showing me suitcases left right and centre.

And I still get the questions from friends and family I haven't seen in almost three years. Are you coming home to visit any time soon? Are you going anywhere? Do you have travel plans this year?

I'm really content with where my feet have landed right now that I've yet to go very far. I'm here. Grounded. Happy. And good. If anything, my answers now often are: well, you can totally come out here and visit me!

That's not to say I'm not up for the adventure of travel and new scenes, the opportunity to fill my senses with new smells and sounds, it's more that I'm not chasing adventure like I used to. Adventure is all around me in so many small and unbelievably magnificent ways. It's just a delicious life all around that leaves me feeling so effortlessly connected to everything, to everywhere, and to everyone.

Tuesday, November 27

You Brighten Me

I'm blogging like everyday. Someone seems to be demanding that I do so through the ethers and I gratefully oblige half giggling and half cross-eyed and a little be-wilder-ed at the way this magick lays itself all out. After the love flows out and the words are laid, I sit and I stare and I tell myself this is going to have to be my last entry for the week. This is just much to much running to my computer to dump out the words that start to swirl when the feeling comes like a flood through my heart. I can't lie and say I don't enjoy every moment of it.

And then the next day rolls around and the words are back with another stream, another story, another bubbling up of goodness that just has to flow out onto the screen. And it has to be a blog my heart insists 'cause the pages upon pages I send to recycling just won't do for the type of recording this energy demands. And so I blog.

What do you know in your heart for sure?

That feeling right there, that's where all the magick begins.

I feel like I'm walking around in a love-trance induced by what I now know is God's commitment to having me swoon all over Him. Dear God, you win. You know exactly what you're doing. You are the Casanova of creation. Check mate. And home run. And you take home the gold. Good job.

I don't know what else to say. Except that I know this intoxication is just the entry gate into this new universe.
The truth is, indeed, that love is the threshold of another universe. Beyond the vibrations with which we are familiar, the rainbow-like range of its colours is still in full growth. But, for all the fascination that the lower shades have for us, it is only towards the "ultra" that the creation of light advances. It is in these invisible and, we might almost say, immaterial zones that we can look for true initiation into unity. The depths we attribute to matter are no more than the reflection of the peaks of spirit. - Teilhard de Chardin
My how we've brightened up through these pages.

I am Initiated.

Monday, November 26

My Love for Balloon Heads

As much as I love the telepathic rendez vous this stage affords us and enjoy just how wild it all really is, I'm equally fond of hugs, mouths, hands, skype, love mail, email, texts, instagram love fests and all the ways of communing this physical world has to offer.

My conscious mind gets suspended in moments when those glimmers of unity come through from direction-less spaces. I love the feeling of that broader seeing. I can almost see the conscious part of me, or the left brain in me, float about like a wide eyed tranced-out balloon head. To my left brain the formed world (and so it thinks the "real" world) consists of things it can see with the solid instruments of the body. So when that expanded seeing becomes your perception, it almost wipes out all of the boundaries of your conscious mind, boundaries that usually define the realm of realness you often inhabit.

Perception is so malleable. The moment you expand out of the bubble of physicality you just see so much more. And this seeing is an incredible seeing. It sees whole events, it can take them all in, and present them to your senses which if are relaxed enough can see that whole picture, before that whole picture is completed by the sequence of events that are meant to make it.

Where the conscious mind comes in to make the experience digestible in an incredible way is in the physical details. No matter how well you've perceived the big picture, there's no accounting for the beauty of living it bit by bit, bite by bite, word by word, touch by touch.

I am totally fond of the whole spectrum of experience this whole dream life thing offers me. Every level of it is delicious beyond explainable degree.

Naturally Beautiful

I'm in love with these series of photos: Colors of Harar Ethiopia girl at henna. Harar. Ethiopia

Sunday, November 25

Here You Come, I Hear You Come

I was noticing today how a lot of my "change my world completely" shifts happen around this time of year.

It was November 25 when I left Toronto after dropping out of a Masters program (and ran away to southern California for two weeks).
It was September 30 when I packed things up in Ottawa and moved to the west coast.
It was December when I moved into my own apartment for the first time.

There is something about this season that gets me to complete some stage and move into a new one. And I think it's useful to notice what the cycles of your own being are.

I was awakened early this morning by a warmth that came over me. It felt like another shift. It was like climbing into a warm bath but from the inside of my being and it left me feeling slightly different but in a good way. And if what I've been noticing of late is any indication, I am grateful for this warmth and all that it is carrying into my world.

This life is the flow of such beautiful dreams.


Friday, November 23

The Rise

this is a true beginning
of a world never before seen
so let your breath go
and let it in
feel the rise
deep in your being
I am rising
deep in your being

you've knocked on the door
and have seen it closed
you've looked for windows
and lived through the echoes
now you've come again
and everything is left open
for you to move on in
for you to rise within

let your breath go
let your arms fall
let yourself rise, like never before
this is the part
you keep yourself standing tall
this is the part, you take it all

this is where we start
a thousand miles
but never apart
a million pictures
of all one heart
this is how we start




Into All Your Senses

Was it always meant to be this easy and satisfying? Let me rephrase that. It was always meant to be this easy and satisfying. I've stepped into a completely new world. Though my world looks exactly like it did, the feel of it, the energy of it and who I am in it is dramatically different. I'm here now. Smack dab in the middle of (I love saying that) the heart of my paradise.

I took the last of the curtains down yesterday, the one's I'd been using to keep hidden from sight. What else was I going to do on my days off from work but trample through the boundaries I had declared were true.

I don't even know how I came to that point of noticing it, the last of the veil I'd used to remain out of sight while I did all my work of returning to this seat of Grace. This is what I've always wanted and this is how I would have always wanted it to be - to walk in through this world fully awake to what and who I am in every facet. There is no space left now in which I don't recognize the power of That which looks through my eyes. Everything is as this seeing decides.

If we pay enough attention, all of our tricks undo themselves out of our being. I sat with this last of the last steps into my heaven. I sat and felt into it as I lovingly watched it show itself, offer itself, and lovingly dissolve itself. Thank you, I said. Thank you for keeping my seat warm.

I do all my work while sitting now, with eyes closed and with only feeling as my guide and my bridge.I recognize how most of the time, we're not even aware of how we're keeping ourselves out of the very spaces we dream of living in. But it's only us doing it all, never some other force keeping us where we don't want to be kept.

I needed to see it like this. I needed to witness it like this. I needed to take it all in just like this. Before I could with any confidence say what I was born to say. My purpose and my paradise can only know and recognize me in this way, as I was meant to be from before the beginning.

This gift is the greatest gift of all.

Thursday, November 22

Steady. Stable. Strong.

I don't think I ever understood what growth was until I started digging on my self.

So much of the world shows us that growth is the nature of everything. Everything around us grows. It expands. It becomes more intricate, more detailed, more everything. It becomes so fantastic in its variety and unity. And our own beings grow. They grow through stages awkwardly and beautifully, every part of us morphing and remolding itself into form - and all of this I've always been able to see. I never understood it though - I saw it, I accepted it, but I never really understood it. Not until I went within.

The view from the inside of what growth is, is so arresting and so mesmerizing. Watching myself move through fuzzy, wobbly, and unclear states, watching myself go from being unfocused, unsure, uncertain, to this level of clarity and stability...witnessing that involved process of my own self come into focus, I have come to have a tremendous appreciation for all facets of growth.

What must be happening to all the particles that make me up to organize and reorganize themselves in this way, through this change? What must the consciousness of a tree go through as it keeps reaching upward into space?  What's bubbling up behind the curtains of every city and town we walk into for it to be as alive and as developed as it is? These inner workings have my attention now because my own inner workings have revealed to me so much. We are so entranced by the visible that we often play ignorant to the invisible movements that bring all things into view. I can't live on the surface any more. Not when there is so much beauty deep inside all of the processes that make us who we are and that make our world all that it appears to be.

I am so awake to the steadiness, the stability, and the strength of looking at the world from the back-stages of creation. What. A. View.

Thank you Life!

Monday, November 19

How You've Suited Me Well

I sit in a dimly lit room looking for the words that will tell you everything. I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you all that I’ve uncovered in these dream pages we call our life. I want to tell you the treasures and delights of this stage we've been trampling on for days on end. And our feet have still yet to tire. I have danced with you through lifetimes before this. I will have loved you into worlds after this. 

And my words they trip and fumble as they make their way out, willing only to let themselves fall ungracefully at your feet. 

I want to lay myself at your feet. 

I'm grateful for how far we've come. I'm grateful for how deep we've journeyed. I'm grateful for all that's fallen away as we fell and rose in the furnace of this divine loving. It didn't burn. It only made us yearn for more. Burning in Love is our only way now. 

I thought I had to wait to tell you, I couldn't wait to tell you, until I realized it was you telling me all of this through my own fingertips. 

So this is where we are now. You as me, me as you, us as either and neither. Everything makes sense now. Everything is us now. Everywhere and no where we turn only to meet each other. There's no telling what love intends to do through us. But look what it's done to us. It's melded and fused every joint and every opening until all we know and all we could know is one thing. That we are love. That we are one. That we are born again and again into each other and formed from each other. 

I went looking for you having forgotten I was already expressing you. And in that moment I realized you've been expressing me all along too. 

And this all suits me just fine. 

Yours,
Mrs. October 05

Sunday, November 18

I Am Inside Out

I question my self constantly. I'm a little neurotic about the whole thing. My motivations, my angle of view, my position in the vastness of this ocean of consciousness - I question all of it with immense pleasure. Mostly out of the observation that a big part of the world still lives from the outside in. Meaning, the apparent outside of circumstance and condition is made to be the decider of our moods, our place, our fates. Really? Is that so? For much too many folks, it is.

It's weird to watch around you when you've so committed yourself to the inner asylum of self awareness. The fact that I can change and modify my location inside myself, and intuit things, feel the hidden waves and undercurrents of what's happening in the inter-web of all life, by simply having this internalized location tells me pretty matter-of-factly just how much of an intimate presence we each are to the field of all things living. And that alone to me has become the essence of freedom. There's this unconditional setting free of my being in the recognition that the relativity of where I am and who I am in the grand life stage is guided by something completely internal. 

And it's this awareness, it is this relationship to my awareness that has so vividly revealed to me how life always moves from the inside out. It does, everything about me, everything about life is coming into view from a hidden world. You can be so tuned in to see and witness directly how the creative energy of the universe moves through you and out into the world while appearing to be moving you inside of it. Everything about life moves from the hidden to the visible, from the unknown to the known, from the inside to the outside. And you can be awake enough to see this movement in action. Nothing is out of the blue. Nothing. I not only see this now, I feel it and watch myself in the movement of it, and rejoice in the living of it.

So I often come back to questioning everything to dig through an apparent manifestation and into the hidden current that's pushed itself out as that manifestation. Not just with my experiences but with the experiences of those around me, friends and clients alike. And since the cause is always an invisible one, I always find what I'm looking for, the creative string and invisible pathway of the movement. This is what gives you leverage over the known world, that you have access to the unknown hidden creative sectors of creation.

You can plop yourself down on any point of the manifestation string. If you're on the outer end, you'll think manifestations matter, that appearances have meaning, and you let yourself get pushed around by the temporary shadows of hidden currents. To you located at that point, the world is where the power is, and you are at the mercy of the props on the cosmic stage. If you're on the inner end, you'll know that it's you that matters. It's you that carries the meaning, that is the meaning. And you know that it's how you organize yourself in these inner hidden spheres of life that ultimately sets into motion the pictures that display themselves on the spatial screen of your waking world. To you located at this point, the world is your reflection and nothing more. In one form you are outside in, in the other, you are inside out.

It's such an extraordinary design this whole field of awareness thing.

Saturday, November 17

Laugh. Giggle. Wow.

OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS

I squeaked, clapped, and squealed today when I noticed what universe I had stepped into as of late...or rather realized what universe I had always been in. The recognition was so vividly awesome that it filled me with spontaneous fits of giggles and cackles throughout the day. Even the people I met with today were filled with giggles after only moments of conversation allowing me to conclude that even my contained inner giggling was contagious. Bonus!

I love this. I really really really love this.

I often see things before they happen. I've probably written about this before. Somewhere along the way, must be between taking up meditation and diving deeper into the rabbit hole of our holographic world-scapading (*non-word* alert), my third eye opened wide, and I started experiencing vivid scenes of things not yet seen. After the first few instances, I started recognizing the prophetic montages that would download into my seeing as I emerge from sleep. It was always on the verge of waking up that they'd preoccupy my inner lens and parade through my awareness, showcasing some event or sequence of events that would later make itself known in my three-dimensional experience. Knowing things before they happen is normal now.

I don't always know the details of what it is I'm looking at though, and I don't know the how or when, just the theme of this what. But I know the feel and I know the general theme. And days would roll on, or months, or in some cases years. And then the montage I had witnessed in my heart-mind's eye would begin to display itself before my waking eyes. And I'd know it. I'd look at it going...hey I know you, I've met you, I've seen you, I've lived you in another dimension.

And it's spectacular when it happens. Every time something I'd seen in a vision materializes itself into form, I'm floored. How I see it in that other dimension is different, the energy and the shapes are there, but it's like looking at mists rather than the hard solid stuff of waking experiences  And then when I live it in waking experience, the solidity of it, the hardness of it, the color of it, it always astounds me.

The only conclusion experiences like these bring you to is this: you've been here all along, it's all been here all along.

Thursday, November 15

Sleeping with Curiosity

Climbing into bed with curiosity still turned on has some really interesting effects.

My dreams have been ultra vivid lately so much so that remembering them causes some serious stirrings inside while walking with my groceries outside in the rain. It a-muses and interests every part of me. That we can feel so much of the Universe inside our own being, this is the incredible thing.

I have learnt that the secret to everything in this play is to make up my mind like I make up my bed everyday. A clean decisive arrangement of my mind and my world is woken up with laughter and amusement at 2 o'clock in the morning. What a ride.

So this was all I had to do? I think this to myself often now. This is it, just this simple flip of a switch inside my own head, this is it? Yep. This is all it will ever take to get you from where you are now to where you've wanted to be for minutes, hours, days, months, years...

What I've noticed is, the only obstacle there ever is, is you. Everything is a layer of smoke you're adding on to the scenes to keep yourself from being curiously whisked away into bliss by Life and the Love inside of it. Life's always in love with you, it never says 'no' to anything you're pulled toward because it's the one pulling you there. When you let go of the bars, when you let go of holding onto the world you're being moved out of, it's a smooth effortless carriage ride into where your heart has already decided to live - into where your heart was born to live.

You spend so many moments watching everything from the outside like a spectator, then from the side, then from the other side, considering every angle but the one inside. The heart knows. You put all sorts of reasons in front of what's had your attention for hours, months, years and convince yourself it's not about you, it's not for you, it has nothing to do with you. And the moment you make up your mind about all of it, the moment you wake your mind up out of it, the moment you see through your own deceptions, you're thrust into the centre of everything you'd been silently watching. Your own heart comes to face you in ways only God can orchestrate.

And you realize, this is it. This was all you ever had to do.

Make up your mind. Say YES fully and with unwavering commitment to whatever's inside your heart. Decisively. Unquestioningly. Then get out of the way and let God, the Universe, Love fill in the details.

This is all you ever have to do.

Monday, November 12

seriously.

If you're not going around using superhero catch phrases throughout your day, then I just don't know what you're doing with your life (yes inspector gadget counts)
seriously. get it together.

Sunday, November 11

Whispers in the Night Sky

I wondered what to call you in this letter, and the name Naveed presented itself, it means the bearer of good news and good wishes. How fitting since that's what you are.

I dreamt of whispers in the night that told stories of how I came to be. Fashioned out of heavenly things and lighted by the spark of celestial stars, I travelled from further than the highest of your dreams to get to you.

And while you're asleep I tell you this in a language only you will understand:
I'm not made for you. 
I'm made from you.

Saturday, November 10

How We're Blessed

I just have to look at my life to see clearly the amazing synchronisitic flow of events that continuously presents itself. All of our moments are made with love, literally put together by this hidden power that blesses us with itself.

Whatever step I take, I seem to always be met with this graceful orchestration of circumstance to carry me into whatever direction I've chosen to go, whatever experience I've chosen to have. I recognize it only when I take a step back though. I recognize it only when I pause, take a breath, and look with awakened eyes. Moments are moments, they are beads strung together around the neck of a creative beautiful wonder I will only call God.

When I decided to move out to the west coast over three years ago, it was a step in the dark. I knew I wanted to be near the water. I knew I wanted to break out of the complacent binds I had created for myself. I knew I wanted west. Pacific ocean. Milder weather. Different. I had no idea what it would entail or what would unfold. I had no plan or purpose outlined, no job lined up, nothing. Then it all happened. Someone I knew at a distance had a room to rent on the island. I got picked up by her in her daughters truck, we tossed all my things into the back, and I spent some amazing moments on a farm, with horses and lamas, chopping firewood and hanging out with bails of hay. My dog and I were in spacious heaven. It wasn't what I envisioned. And yet it was beyond my expectation in terms of the beauty and blessings it brought into my world. Experiences I would have never had were it not for that step came into my world, and I was changed. I ended up finding a job, where I met and made some good ties.

One of these ties would end up being my ride to work everyday for the next year. Saved me hundreds of dollars in transportation costs. Blessing. The other's would end up not only helping me move into my new apartment in the city and later down to where I am now, but would provide me with gifts only my heart can understand.

I've never had to strain or strive. I'm awake to how unnecessary the game of struggle is in the way our moments are capable of assembling themselves. Again though, I only realize this when I take a step back and watch the bridge of incidents that have moved me into my chosen destinations  Every step of the way, where ever I have gone, whatever direction I've taken, whatever environment I've stepped into, support, comfort, and love have always show up. It's a necessity to reflect on this, to reflect on this ever continuous thread of love that's present in my moments, in your moments.

Because it's then that I feel the constant hand of God the most. And it's then that I realize that no matter where my attention is cast now, no matter what my next step is, no matter what experiences I've chosen to invite into my world, that hand will meet and carry me into all of them. Because it always has. And I see it so clearly and repeatedly in all that I have lived to date.

This Love is all that moves us, meets us, and lives us. I know it's like this for all beings. I know this is how events unfold, that there is this hand of grace moving us all through our chosen paths and into the experiences that will fill us in ways we never expected or anticipated.

It's a blessings to wake yourself up to the recognition frequently.

Friday, November 9

This is what a leader looks like...

I'd like to think I've been blessed to have been amongst people who were amazing leaders in the various organizations and companies I've worked in. I've also had the opportunity to witness the opposite, the toxic dissonant type of leader that disperses and puts people into negative emotional rhythms, that literally brings the energy down.

The success of any endeavor  and the growth potential of any system,  is strongly influenced by the effect those in the position of leadership have on those being led.

To me, this is one of the best examples of leadership I've seen to date!


Sunday, November 4

Forward to what?

"Forward to what" is a really great question, one everyone has to ask. We each have to begin to contemplate the answer to that question. We can't put the vision of and for the future we're an intricate part of in the hands of one individual. That's careless. Do we elect leaders to be the solitary holders of the fate of our country, our world? That seems irresponsible. The part of every citizen of any country is constantly active whether we're aware of it or not. Our inaction and our action is contribution, but our action or inaction isn't just in voting. Must we vote? Absolutely. Is our jobs as citizens done once we've cast our vote, once we've ticked off a little box? Never. We have to engage every part of ourselves in the process of change. So Forward to what? We each have to answer that individually. What kind of state do you want to live in? What kind of country do you want to live in? What kind of world do you want to live in? What do you want to see around you? You have to ask yourself those questions and bring the answers to life in yourself. The changes we seek to see in the world come faster when we're all plugged into the process.

Saturday, November 3

All you have to do is feel, feel, feel

Do you remember when I told you to stop looking for tokens of love outside of yourself? You smiled knowing you were doing that exact thing as you searched my eyes for answers. You are your own answer, and when you know that, you'll find what you're looking for in my eyes. 

I wrap myself up in this indescribable feeling that comes from knowing every ending.

Every ending is love.
Every beginning is desire.
And every desire is for more love.

It's this infinite loop of love and loving that grows itself, that deepens itself, that folds into itself.

This is what we are.

All you have to do is feel it all...inside.


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