There was a spike in the love meter in my life last week. Toward the end of my day, I felt my heart opening wide and ripples coursed through me like the waves of the sea. I felt like myself again.
I had gone to see a massage therapist the week prior and knew on first entry that I had not been present to myself for quite some time. I had gotten lost in my own mental spinning, giving hallucinations primacy and letting my state of being in presence fall to the background. I always recognize this state. I'm unfocussed. I imagine if you were looking at me as a painting on a wall, I'd show up blurry and without clear lines in those moments. And there I was, as my session went on laughing and re-connecting to who I am in my center.
She told me there was a lot of tension around my heart and all down my back. I knew this. It was the very reason I'd gone to see her. I felt the tension of where I was holding myself and had spun my own mind into knots everywhere. As I came undone on the table, I could see where I was holding myself and how I was holding myself. That was just the beginning.
It continued on from there - my return to my Self was inevitable as the crack of recognition opened and the light of my own being shone through the stories that had preoccupied me. I tore through my own illusions and laughed again. My own creations veil the ease, joy, and lightness that is always here right Now.
And then there it was, yet another shift in my own attention as I recognized how I had been spinning myself out of my own stage for characters invented in my own imagination. I laughed again as it dawned on me and as I stood in the presence of Love once again. I felt it all. I felt that love reach down deep into my bones. I felt it sound its sound in every atom of my being. I felt it all and I shivered and sighed and took deep breaths. And I walked into my moments feeling the glow of being my Self return.
All there is in the world is either the echoes of your own resistance or the echoes of your own openness. Where you are standing in the knowing of love all around, the world shows up glorious. Where you are standing in the resistance to love all around, the world shows up tense and dark and painful. That's all the echo ever is, in body, mind and world all you ever see is whether you are holding yourself open to the love or whether you are shutting yourself off.
As the chest cough and achy bones followed, I knew what undoing had brought them through.
How much love can you really stand in your life? Can you let it immerse you in its light and maintain your openness? That's the question we live answering in each and every moment. Giving all of yourself into the energy of love is all this moment is about.
Love doesn't hurt, resisting it does. Love fills the holes our resistance creates. Where we tear ourselves apart in resistance, love welds us back into wholeness. Love unties all the knots and washes us clean of all that tension creates within our being. Love fills.
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