Wednesday, August 31

Mind Alone

The mind itself appears as wind in the moving element, lustre in the lustrous, solidity in earth and void in the space. If ‘the mind is elsewhere’ the taste of food that is being eaten is not really experienced. If ‘the mind is elsewhere’ one does not see what is right in front of oneself. The senses are born of the mind, but not the other way round. It is only from the point of view of fools that the body and the mind are said to be quite different; in fact, they are non-different, being mind alone. Salutations to those sages who have actually realised this truth. - Yoga Vasistha

Monday, August 29

Black Cat


If a random stray black cat crosses your path...bend down and pet the darn thing. Black cats need love too ~

Sunday, August 28

emotional cliff diving

i figure, if there are things in my life that keep flinging me off emotional cliffs and testing me, it's because life wants me to remember i have wings and am built like the rock of Gibraltar.

there is a purpose to every madness, a rhyme for every reason, and clarity in every confusion.

nothing shows up that isn't for the evolution of your own consciousness, the expansion of your heart cave.

nothing.

Wednesday, August 24

the Goal, the Means, the Destination

Sometimes it's like living in two different universes...

Or maybe it's more like I've traveled in time, and then was the future and now is the past and I don't know how to get back there...to those moments of certainty, where the magic was at its peak, where whole moments organized themselves to speak your name, to show me your face, to make you appear as the everything that you are to my being.

Love.

It was how everything around me wrote itself. Every step I took was lined with the light of your being, written with the magick of who we are. Every thought I thought, every feeling I felt, every thing that stirred within me was leading me, directing me, pulling me into recognizing, knowing, feeling, living your name.

Love.

Everything is different now, what felt to be something that absorbed me, that fought with me, that tangled and knotted me up in ways I didn't know were possible is gone. And I look for it. I look for it as though that was how loving was meant to be, as though the pruning was eternal.

And then I realize...this was where it was all leading me to.

Everything now offers me a deeper look inside, a continued chance to live...Love.

There's nothing else. This is leading into Love. That is leading me into more Love, into the deeper Universes of being what I Am.

Love.

It is the goal, the means, the destination, and every moment in between.

Tuesday, August 16

Hurling Yourself into the Abyss

"Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed." — Terence McKenna

Saturday, August 13

It's Like...One

try as you may
try as you might
you cannot separate
what has always been One

Friday, August 12

Perfect Moments

I can still feel the sun on my skin.
I can still feel the fun of driving with the top down.
I can still taste the delicious food.
I can still smell the rue, fragrant in the traditional cup of coffee.

I can still feel the abundance of all the places life takes me.

Thank you for who I get to meet.
Thank you for the way my moments come together.
Thank you for the good company you always send my way.

I live perfect moments!

Wednesday, August 10

Full On Mastery

It makes no sense to go for anything but full on mastery.

That goal is the only thing that will reveal to you the dedicated creative fire that lives inside. Whatever you set your sight on, whatever you begin, when you make your goal, the outcome, MASTERY itself, something is unleashed inside.

Whatever I've taken on, that becomes my purpose. I'll try anything once, and if upon trying I like it, I'm staying in it until IT and I are completely one. Mastery is the full on integration of something into your being, the merging with it until you are that thing itself. When you are, you move and express the reality of that thing effortlessly within yourself because you've become it. You've become one.

Mastery is not dominance. Mastery is developing a seamless oneness between your self and the thing to be mastered.

My quest is the same in what ever I take on: what am I capable of accessing here and becoming? What am I capable of tapping into and bringing into life here?

It's there. Whatever power charges your moments, animates them, and makes them dance before you is there in every situation to come alive inside you to make YOU dance exquisitely amidst  the forms of clay, like you were a part of the painting.

Come alive. Be in it to MASTER it.

~k.

Monday, August 8

Crossing the Bridge

"I had grown up in a house with a fence around it, and in this fence was a white smooth wooden gate, two holes bored round and low together so the dog could see through. One night, the moon high, late for me home from the school dance, I remember that I stopped, hand on the gate, and spoke so quietly to myself and to the woman that I would love that not even the dog could have heard.

I don’t know where you are, but you’re living right now, somewhere on this earth. And one day you and I are going to touch this gate where I’m touching it now. Your hand will touch this very wood, here! Then we’ll walk through and we’ll be full of a future and of a past and we’ll be to each other like no one else has ever been. We can’t meet now, I don’t know why. But some day our questions will be answers and we’ll be caught in something so bright...and every step I take is one step closer on a bridge we must cross to meet."
— Richard Bach

I've been blessed with amazing connections in this life time, boys growing into men growing into teachers, who have taught me what it is I want to experience in a love creationship. And with each refinement, with each clearing and coming to view of my Him, my perfect compliment, I have moments of anger! Well where are you damn it! I'm here, waiting! Don't you know how ready I am for you? Can we stop wasting time and start this already!?

Funny thing is, in moments of lucidity, I know it's already happening and has been happening since before I knew how to recognize the unified movement of love that is my life.

I oscillate between awe and anger. Awe at the details that continue to shape before me - the words spoken to me by others, the synchronicity that befuddles me at every turn, the surreal visions and previews, the faces I meet that show me even more glimpses of him, the song everything around me sings echoing the love of many lifetimes that Life has designed me into.

That's a weird pendulum to let yourself swing on - awe and anger. Wow and Ow.

I'm angry for the moments I was right there and not seen, for the instants I was in reach and not grasped. I'm angry at myself for choosing to chase something that I was forever pushing out of my own reach. I'm angry at him for not cracking the reality code, walking through the walls, bending the spoon, and finding me. Apparently that's his job, while mine is to sit here shining like buried treasure.

To live and see the unity and grandness of this love and the yet physical absence of its reality from my hands, my arms, my mouth turns me into an emotional pretzel. I'm angry at it for taking so long, and angry for what it planted within me and made me reach for.

Because if I didn't know this possibility existed, I wouldn't be rung up and stripped down as I am, unwilling to settle for anything less than my hearts dreams coming true. 100% fulfillment where ever day I exclaim - I've always known this was the love I was designed to live.

I tend to walk on the bright side of most things that come into my view. Lately the conversations I've stepped into have been about the shadow the light casts, and this is it. On the bright side of knowing, feeling, trusting and developing that perfect faith, there it is, the furious fire of desire burning as anger.

I shout at my projected love - I'm angry that you're not really here like you're supposed to be. I'm angry that you remain absent and invisible, that there is no hand to hold or mouth to kiss or arms to be wrapped in. That you keep peaking through into my moments but have yet to walk into them fully as you.

In those moments of anger, some inexplicapble I-can't-wrap-my-head-around-it synchronicity will show itself, and I shout at it - NO, I don't want to play anymore. I don't care that you're inexplicable and magickal. I don't like you. Go away until you can materialize yourself in the flesh. Enough! I don't want to see any sign of you until you're ready to be here, in the full-fledged flesh, full-time.

I imagine his higher self and my higher self (which I make up are the same Self) in those moments watching me eyeing each other going "well, she's lost it" and going back to their game of cosmic scrabble.

I think in the conscious creation, conscious observation, conscious wahtever-ation game we forget to feel the whole spectrum - the light and the shadow of everything we step into.

Yes, I'm allowed to be mad at him especially because I know he's here, that on some level he can feel and pick up on the full spectrum of my coming and goings. Just like I can his - those moments where I get feelings that have nothing to do with what I'm living in my world I know are me picking up on his unfolding...

At the very least, that's the kind of connection I'm dreaming of.

And when the angry cloud passes...I return to giggling at the ridiculousness of being here, in this life stage of awe and inexplicable wonder.

Oh yeah, I feel it!

Embracing Otherness

"Let's not be freaked out by our bountiful nothingness. It's more of a Reality than the one's our selves have created. Imagine what kind of existence we can have if we honor inevitable death of self, appreciate the privilege of life, and marvel at what comes next. Simple awareness is where it begins." - Thandie Newton

Sunday, August 7

Wow

When I imprison you in judgment, I'm imprisoning myself.

When I set myself free of judgment, of the conditional view, of the view that some unfolding was something other than love...

I set you free too.

And so goes the dance of true love, true oneness - nothing is done to anyone other than the One that I am.

I am.

The accordion plays.

The neighbors make it seem as though I'm in some piazza listening to locals laugh and dance in the square.

And I am here present to the Love that we are.

Wow ~

Moon Cat Magick

I am grateful for the depths I am able to access with the support and guidance of one of the clearest mirrors of Love I've ever come across. She has many names - today she is Moon Cat.

At the end of my session I realized my daughter (who isn't born or conceived of yet) will be named: Sophia

Oh the depths we access.

I'm so grateful for the guidance that comes, and the angel whose woven himself into my every moment of awakening to the Love that is in everything, as everything.

When I'm seeing love in it all, I'm being my full whole self.


THIS is meaningful to me :)



Saturday, August 6

Go Deeper

choose to be intimate with the mystery, with the unknown
than with the story in your mind
then go deeper

Tuesday, August 2

I Am Mother

My dog does this thing when ever I sit down on the floor or lay flat on my back for a stretch or just for whatever reason - she jams herself right into me and makes herself at home. I put my arms around her and always feel like the most fortunate person in the world. She just melts all over me with no awareness of personal space or any of all the nonsense thinking minds come up with. It's the moments with her that remind me why it is I want to have children.

I was joking around with a pretty friend at work. I said something like "go get yourself fixed" referring to his trip to the chiropractor. To which he made wide eyes and replied "I probably should since I don't want kids anyway." My return was "I do, I want like ten, though we'll see if that's the case after I have one." After that convo I was thinking about WHY it is I want children and the moments with my dog and the feeling of sharing that kind of a bond with a person really touches my heart.

The whole reason I got my dog was because I had this overwhelming need to nurture and care for something. I remember laying in my bed one day feeling like I had to have something that I could just give love to, that would be a space for me where I can just love and adore unreservedly. And after almost four years, I live how it really is one of the best steps I've ever taken in my life.

And then there's this whole being human thing - an experience I can't understand. No matter how much I study or understand there's still an overwhelming well of awe inside of me for how we are. That the human body can grow a baby inside it, that it can nourish and support a whole other being inside itself, that a unique individual being can come into the world through me, that I can walk around with my belly stretched all the while a little beautiful person grows itself inside...it all confounds me.

How does life do what it does? I want to be a part of that dance in every way I can! I also want to know what it'd be like for a child to grow up in my presence, to see day to day if I can be present to this child's eternal innocence and be taught by it, through all the shenanigans of being around another human being, let alone one that formed and grew itself inside of me. There's so much of it that I want to know.

I don't want to have children just because it's what humans do. I want to see what it's like to be conscious, to be aware, to be awake, to be committed to the dharma of being nothing and everything, and to be a space of learning...I want to see and look with an open heart and see what happens.

Part curiosity, part a science experiment, part a wonderment...so many reasons for why I want to be a nurturer to little so and so with big eyes and a laugh that sparks my heart into fireworks. Not to mention to meet and dance with the perfect dad and partner to do it all with ~

I'm grateful for all that this life offers so organically and mysteriously to us.

And I'm also so grateful for all the love Leela has brought into my heart - every time she snuggles up to me, my heart fills in ways I cannot describe!

yay :)

Mystery in Everything

I've been in the mood for old school J lately!




In Love with the Mystery

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