It's not worth it to hold back
It's not worth it to separate
It's not worth it to hide
It's not worth it to fear
It's not worth it to shrink
It's not worth it to defend
It's not worth it to be anything other than fully vulnerable
I'm awake to the subtle ways in which I had been undermining my capacity to feel and flow love. Creating something that is naturally true as 'too much work', creating the effortlessness of Oneness as something that needs mental input, moving from an inner dialogue of full blown love and appreciation to an inner dialogue of judgment and resistance in all its colors - there are so many ways we undermine our capacity to feel love, to be love, to breathe love.
Resistance builds only when I'm not paying attention to what I'm REALLY saying inside myself. And that resistance turns into walls - thick invisible walls that I create and wrap all around me so no one can get in, and I can't extend myself beyond the lines I've drawn.
Lines that say:
- you can't hurt me
- you can't come in
- you are a threat
- I don't trust you
- you're going to hurt me
- you've already hurt me
Lines that articulate the many voices of resistance to BEING love. Lines that affirm the need to self-protect, the need to hide behind walls.
Resistance and fear are one and the same thing, so when it shows up is when you really have to look and force your eyes to remain open in the looking.
What am I fearing here?
Why am I fearing this?
Why am I putting up walls?
Why am I creating separation?
It always starts as a subtle story - an insecure one, a dashed expectation, a fear-based reaction, that turns itself into an avalanche of resistance.
Awareness is always the solution. Because once you see how you are being in relation to whatever is showing up, you can choose something different.
You can choose to breathe love again instead of holding on to fear.
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