Sunday, December 25

The Dawning of New Minds

Days away from it being the year two thousand and twelve and I'm thinking to myself...or I should say still thinking to myself HOW IS THIS ALL HAPPENING?

Life is an absolute and wonderful mystery, and we're getting to play and tap dance on the frills of its twirling skirt.

Lost in the details of our every day human moments, we forget the vastness that is unfolding in and as us right now - the whole expanse of the cosmos, the whole expanse of multiple timelines, the whole field of unending unknown realities carry on, and here we are, reading a blog, stirring a mug of hot apple cider, or chatting about that lady who did x, y, and z the other day. What we let ourselves contain in awareness and what we're CAPABLE of containing in our awareness amazes me to no end.

Every time I sit to contemplate something, the narrowness of our everyday conversational content makes itself known. We favor the small details and make them important - we make small thinking important and overlook the magnificence of the kind of life we live, that we are alive, that we are the beings that we are, that these worlds and universes are what they are.

We are smack dab in the middle of sparkling brilliance and we choose to forget it. And what thrills me is what takes place when we are eye to eye and remembering it all. To be in the wonderment together, oh the beauty we birth in those moments, and the space we hold for a new kind of mind to be and now.

I love our sillyness.

Friday, December 2

What is not love?

The best tester for how stabilized you are in your perspective of love is change - what is your default response to change, to new information?

When defenselessness, transparency, and the steady recognition that there is no event, no appearance that is love-less, that there is no space where love is not...become your first nature, that is when you know that you have moved yourself out of the illusion of separation.

It's an ongoing exploration of where you are holding your self in relation to that unified tension-less state.

Love is on all sides of the equation.

Sunday, November 27

All Made Up

I went to pick up some make-up and the lovely lady did my whole face. It was good times. I've never been the wear make up every day kind of gal. I often opt for a hat and a face wash before I head out for the day. But once in a while, it's so much fun to put on the layers of goo that makes my face look artsy.

the one commandment


Thursday, November 17

Saturday, November 12

I Am Sovereignty

A most liberating sense to hold within yourself is one that says: I will never conform to your definitions and expectations of how I ought to be in the world.

You can never be confined to the limits of someone else's mind, or your own for that matter.  You cannot be captured by the mind. You can be perceived by the single heart, you can be clearly seen through the eyes of love, but there is nothing that can contain the totality of who and what you are.And there in rests your freedom to be your self, all of your Self in any given instant.

It's one of our most interesting patterns - we want people to fit nicely and neatly in the boxes we've created in our own mind for them. We make our approval of them mean more than their own self approval.It's safer that way. It's safer, they're safer if they are put in the box of the known, the familiar. We're conditioned to remain blind to the Unknowable nature of the life that organizes itself into all that is seen.

In your self recognition, you'll clearly see how it rings true that: I'm not your ideas of me - your ideas of me are solely about you.

In our inter-relatedness we forget how much of an independent authority we have over our own spontaneous being. We are our own rulers, the sole authors of how we individually show up in the world. But we've been trained to believe that the approval, validation, and expectation we need to conform to are those of the outside world, those of the "others" around us - we're taught that it's safer to conform, it's better for our survival and integration into the social context to shrink ourselves to the definitions and expectations written out for us elsewhere.

People short-circuit when you clearly and boldly stand outside their ideas of you. And yet to remain in your authenticity, you have to be uncontrollable, indefinable, un-graspable by not only the mind of other's but by your own also. You have to allow your being the freedom to extend itself in whatever direction your inner impulses choose.You have to live in the freedom of both your stability and changeability.

Never overlook the magick of your being. Give yourself permission to Be your self UN-apologetically.

Friday, November 11

Be in Wonderment!!!

One of my favorite things about this life, is just HOW MUCH there is to fall in love with every day. Every day is a chance to ask the question: I wonder what I'm going to get to fall-in love with today? I want to make a "you're my favorite" pin and stick it on everything!!! EVERYTHING! Including the fat raccoon I saw the other day. See the magnificence of everything in your view. Acknowledge it. Go discover it. Move out of the mind of familiarity and into the heart of wonder. Are we really here, being this, experiencing this, living this!?!??! WOW!!!

Sunday, November 6

Trippin On This Fantastic Voyage

I drove up island on Thursday to give a talk on creativity followed by a one day workshop on Saturday. It was incredible to be in that space. I've been a speaker in smaller environments, and with being on the radio for a few  years have grown comfortable just letting it flow. But there's something more when it's a live audience. The eye contact, the way they adjust and shift in response to what I say, the way they register and interact with the information flowing out of me is INCREDIBLE to witness. The more I grow, the more humans fascinate me.

One of the participants at the end said: "thank you for that thorough scrubbing"


The whole trip was indescribable. The organizers offered their basement suite for me to stay in. It was a two bedroom suite bigger than the house I live in right now, which had its own entrance so I came and went as I pleased. Every part of this trip was lined with the ease and fluidity of the talk and the workshop. Everything was JUST better than that JUST right feeling.

I feel so blessed to be where I am, to be what I am, to just be.

I'm settling back into my home space now feeling the flow of it all, feeling the magick of it all, feeling blissed out on the blessings that continue to unfold themselves into my world.

Monday, October 31


Sometimes it's like you have to poke holes in yourself to let out the pent up steam - the tension that's been bubbling unnoticed underneath your skin. Why don't we notice these reactions in the moment? Why do we put off releasing tension until it's already changed us in irreversible ways?

I find that any place where I don't have the space to really be honest, to authentically be whatever version of my self I happen to be in the moment, to say what I need to say and to say what I won't say, is a place I outgrow. Meaning if I can't grow and expand in that space, in that relationship, I grow out of it. I think it's like that for most - communication is a way to grow together and the absence of it is a way to grow apart. Either way you can't help but grow, the outcome being growth that unites you with another or growth that takes you away from another.

What nourishes and deepens all relationships, regardless of their form, is real communication. It's only when you say what you won't and have the space to do so, that you create that bridge into real authentic communion.Communication is really the unification of universes - your world and the world of those in your life. We all see differently. We all interpret differently. We all experience differently. That difference is only bridged when we open up and say "this is what I see" and "this is how I see this" and when we allow other's to have the freedom to do the same.

"Hold Space" is one of my favorite expressions - it just means simply be there and allow those in your life to express - to let out the steam in an unconditional space. No judgment. No reaction. No withdrawing or pulling back. Simply holding that space of neutral observation while they unfold the knots within themselves. We all have steam. We all have things we let brew and bubble within us. And the best gift relationships afford us is that they have the potential to be such powerful temples of full on healing - release, relief, rejuvenation.

Commune. Come-unify. Comm-unification.

Whatever way you look at it, communication will make or break the relationships you have in your life.

Tuesday, October 25

Everything I need

I have everything I need.

We go through life thinking we need external things to feel complete, that we need things 'out there', impermanent objects, to complete us. That it's when we have object x, object y, and object z that we'll finally feel like we have it all.

But what I get to step into everyday now, more aware and more awake to the power that lives me, is how fully equipped I came into this delicious world. I already have it all, all the tools I need to live the life that thrills me are built right into the structures of my being. The light of clarity over this grows and glows brighter each day.

It is not the fleeting waking world that holds answers but the world of Being that precedes and contains it. It is not the echo that charts our course but the sound that sources it. Only when we look to the origin, the causal principle of our own self and world do we discover that the most reliable power in this life, is the one that's within us.

Life is that good!

Thursday, October 13

Let's make everyone FEEL this Love

If there's one thing I know, it's that more so than being thought about, talked about, or believed in, it's the love that is felt that invites hearts into opening.

This is so clear to me.

I notice that when I'm feeling love, the way people move around me is very different - it's like we're all dancing, doing the waltz together, we move and we look and we gesture in ways as though there is a silent song in the background guiding our flow --- it's amazing when you notice it and are amidst of it.

Love, when it is being felt, seems to extend itself out from your own heart and directly touch the heart of those around you.

I love all the ways love transforms, rewrites, and recodes this world.

All that we know about one another is secondary to all that we really are to one another.

~ Love ~

Monday, October 10

Veda Physics

"in my father's house are many mansions..."

why does this continuously bring me back to the multiverse/parallel universes model...

..."Because You are unlimited, neither the lords of heaven nor even You Yourself can ever reach the end of Your glories. The countless universes, each enveloped in its shell, are compelled by the wheel of time to wander within You, like particles of dust blowing about in the sky. The śrutis, following their method of eliminating everything separate from the Supreme, become successful by revealing You as their final conclusion" (Bhagavata Purana 10.87.41)


Sunday, October 2

How Wow Now

Now Wow How

I think the more you commit to seeing all that is incredibly extraordinary in all that seems ordinary, the more aliveness you infuse into your own being.

It's our own perception that makes or breaks how much energy we find in each and every moment that finds us and each and every face that meets us.

Friday, September 30

I Got This!

Exactly what it's like right now in my reality bubble :)

Just magisize everything ~

Saturday, September 24


A red basket of fixtures in a corner and I'm "seeing red" = angry, fuming, rage, heated emotion...

Follow that up with mention of the base chakra (color red) from someone, blue phase light vs. red light convo, and a red shirt gifted to me while I'm wearing a red shirt all in the same 24 hour period and I think...notice what you notice.


So what's here?

A thrust of massive energy to be tapped into...fuel for the fire...symbolic ignite-r.

It's never about what it appears to be about. Be expanded enough in your view to see the common thread weaving your scenes together. Read your moments like a story book...from a birds eye view.

In this thread there is an invitation, an invitation to accept the power of the fire, the power of the flames and to let my creative forces become unleashed, fully, completely, wholly.

To let the inner dragon out - for on its wings are the magick of alchemy and in its breath rest the power of fire.


It's the color of initiation...of being ignited into a new dimension within Being.

Tuesday, September 20

spiraling upward into infinity

The timing is what astounds me - like clockwork we unfold unknowingly on schedule. The right conversation, the perfect time, the perfect reflection and you're back into the fullness of Being Love.

And then there it is - the echo of that shift looking back at you through eyes that beam at you like your favorite melody.

You are remarkable. 

And we are spiraling upward into infinity.

What I call being IN being in that all-inclusive state of Self - living as the spacious field of Being that contains everything and everyone. So much of what we call "love" and "being in love" is incrusted with resistance, with separation, division - you can't hide behind walls of separation and other-ness and consciously take in the pervasiveness of Love.

Put down your separation. Walk through every wall. Contain everything inside yourself. This is the tension-less state of ease you're made of.

This is the Home of all homes.


Saturday, September 17


This movie playing out before never ceases to amaze me.

On days like today when everything flows from one scene to the next with grace and ease, I seem to wake up a little more to the magick that weaves my worlds together. I feel at home in these moments awake to so many facets of this waking dream.

I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm awake!

Why do we forget and what makes us remember? What makes us forget and why do we remember?

Thursday, September 15

All Ways Free

I am clearly a magickal sea nymph moon child. Clearly.

I refer only to the ways the moon and the ocean move me!

Put them together and wow.

Wild forces. Wild!

And I love 'em up because under the surface of all that they stir up, they point me to the boundless deep of a dark and loving silence where everything is dissolved into no-thing.

Oh the wonder of all that we're under!

What is caged by the waking dream and what is free of it all are here right now - it's all in where you put your attention.

Tuesday, September 13

What it's about...

It really isn't about making the best of anything,'s about bringing the best version of yourself into it. It's when you fill up what "is" with all of yourself, with the fullness of your consciousness, that you grow and expand the field of your reality to contain more - and it's that expansion from the inside that translates as more expanded "desirable" moments.

Thursday, September 8

You've Made Me Whole

you bring to life
old forgotten songs
inside my own mind
and into my heart
you roll
forcing the light in your eyes
to shine on the cracks
I've hidden inside
and now you've made me

you stretch my bones
to hold more love
than i've ever held
before my eyes met yours
and lit the fire
i willingly burn in
now that i'm yours

there is no space
you've left unignited
there's no corner inside of me
in which you're uninvited
breathe me
consume me
wear me out
until all there is left of me
is you and only you

you bring to life
everything i am
inside your mind
and into your heart
i climb
letting the light in your eyes
burn through the walls
i used to hide
and now you've made me

- Kidest 2011

Sunday, September 4

The danger of a single story

I will make burning my aim


Should Love's heart rejoice unless I burn?
For my heart is Love's dwelling.
If You will burn Your house, burn it, Love!
Who will say, 'It's not allowed'?
Burn this house thoroughly!
The lover's house improves with fire.
From now on I will make burning my aim,
for I am like the candle: burning only makes me brighter.
Abandon sleep tonight; traverse fro one night
the region of the sleepless.
Look upon these lovers who have become distraught
and like moths have died in union with the One Beloved.
Look upon this ship of God's creatures
and see how it is sunk in Love.

Saturday, September 3

Quite Like Us

I've never seen or felt
A beauty quite like us
It's how we show it
Without showing it
The way we speak
Without using words
The way we know
When nothing is revealed
But it's in the way we feel

And I see the way they look at us
Like they know what we're not saying
Like they feel what we're not expressing
Like they hear the way our hearts beat
Even when we're fighting
In the quiet corners of ourselves
Where we keep it locked in
And tucked away
Never to be spoken
Never to be shared
And there's still never been
A beauty quite so sacred
A beauty
Quite like this us we're being

We can change the atmosphere
With a simple gaze
We can suck out all the air
With a change of mind
And we change it all back again
When we rest in the hearts
That beats like one
That tick together
On the second hand
Of a cosmic clock

I've never seen it written
A story quite like us
I've never breathed or lived 
A beauty quite like us
I've never touched or tasted
A beauty quite like us

- Kidest 2011

Wednesday, August 31

Mind Alone

The mind itself appears as wind in the moving element, lustre in the lustrous, solidity in earth and void in the space. If ‘the mind is elsewhere’ the taste of food that is being eaten is not really experienced. If ‘the mind is elsewhere’ one does not see what is right in front of oneself. The senses are born of the mind, but not the other way round. It is only from the point of view of fools that the body and the mind are said to be quite different; in fact, they are non-different, being mind alone. Salutations to those sages who have actually realised this truth. - Yoga Vasistha

Monday, August 29

Black Cat

If a random stray black cat crosses your path...bend down and pet the darn thing. Black cats need love too ~

Sunday, August 28

emotional cliff diving

i figure, if there are things in my life that keep flinging me off emotional cliffs and testing me, it's because life wants me to remember i have wings and am built like the rock of Gibraltar.

there is a purpose to every madness, a rhyme for every reason, and clarity in every confusion.

nothing shows up that isn't for the evolution of your own consciousness, the expansion of your heart cave.


Wednesday, August 24

the Goal, the Means, the Destination

Sometimes it's like living in two different universes...

Or maybe it's more like I've traveled in time, and then was the future and now is the past and I don't know how to get back those moments of certainty, where the magic was at its peak, where whole moments organized themselves to speak your name, to show me your face, to make you appear as the everything that you are to my being.


It was how everything around me wrote itself. Every step I took was lined with the light of your being, written with the magick of who we are. Every thought I thought, every feeling I felt, every thing that stirred within me was leading me, directing me, pulling me into recognizing, knowing, feeling, living your name.


Everything is different now, what felt to be something that absorbed me, that fought with me, that tangled and knotted me up in ways I didn't know were possible is gone. And I look for it. I look for it as though that was how loving was meant to be, as though the pruning was eternal.

And then I realize...this was where it was all leading me to.

Everything now offers me a deeper look inside, a continued chance to live...Love.

There's nothing else. This is leading into Love. That is leading me into more Love, into the deeper Universes of being what I Am.


It is the goal, the means, the destination, and every moment in between.

Tuesday, August 16

Hurling Yourself into the Abyss

"Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed." — Terence McKenna

Saturday, August 13

It's Like...One

try as you may
try as you might
you cannot separate
what has always been One

Friday, August 12

Perfect Moments

I can still feel the sun on my skin.
I can still feel the fun of driving with the top down.
I can still taste the delicious food.
I can still smell the rue, fragrant in the traditional cup of coffee.

I can still feel the abundance of all the places life takes me.

Thank you for who I get to meet.
Thank you for the way my moments come together.
Thank you for the good company you always send my way.

I live perfect moments!

Wednesday, August 10

Full On Mastery

It makes no sense to go for anything but full on mastery.

That goal is the only thing that will reveal to you the dedicated creative fire that lives inside. Whatever you set your sight on, whatever you begin, when you make your goal, the outcome, MASTERY itself, something is unleashed inside.

Whatever I've taken on, that becomes my purpose. I'll try anything once, and if upon trying I like it, I'm staying in it until IT and I are completely one. Mastery is the full on integration of something into your being, the merging with it until you are that thing itself. When you are, you move and express the reality of that thing effortlessly within yourself because you've become it. You've become one.

Mastery is not dominance. Mastery is developing a seamless oneness between your self and the thing to be mastered.

My quest is the same in what ever I take on: what am I capable of accessing here and becoming? What am I capable of tapping into and bringing into life here?

It's there. Whatever power charges your moments, animates them, and makes them dance before you is there in every situation to come alive inside you to make YOU dance exquisitely amidst  the forms of clay, like you were a part of the painting.

Come alive. Be in it to MASTER it.


Monday, August 8

Crossing the Bridge

"I had grown up in a house with a fence around it, and in this fence was a white smooth wooden gate, two holes bored round and low together so the dog could see through. One night, the moon high, late for me home from the school dance, I remember that I stopped, hand on the gate, and spoke so quietly to myself and to the woman that I would love that not even the dog could have heard.

I don’t know where you are, but you’re living right now, somewhere on this earth. And one day you and I are going to touch this gate where I’m touching it now. Your hand will touch this very wood, here! Then we’ll walk through and we’ll be full of a future and of a past and we’ll be to each other like no one else has ever been. We can’t meet now, I don’t know why. But some day our questions will be answers and we’ll be caught in something so bright...and every step I take is one step closer on a bridge we must cross to meet."
— Richard Bach

I've been blessed with amazing connections in this life time, boys growing into men growing into teachers, who have taught me what it is I want to experience in a love creationship. And with each refinement, with each clearing and coming to view of my Him, my perfect compliment, I have moments of anger! Well where are you damn it! I'm here, waiting! Don't you know how ready I am for you? Can we stop wasting time and start this already!?

Funny thing is, in moments of lucidity, I know it's already happening and has been happening since before I knew how to recognize the unified movement of love that is my life.

I oscillate between awe and anger. Awe at the details that continue to shape before me - the words spoken to me by others, the synchronicity that befuddles me at every turn, the surreal visions and previews, the faces I meet that show me even more glimpses of him, the song everything around me sings echoing the love of many lifetimes that Life has designed me into.

That's a weird pendulum to let yourself swing on - awe and anger. Wow and Ow.

I'm angry for the moments I was right there and not seen, for the instants I was in reach and not grasped. I'm angry at myself for choosing to chase something that I was forever pushing out of my own reach. I'm angry at him for not cracking the reality code, walking through the walls, bending the spoon, and finding me. Apparently that's his job, while mine is to sit here shining like buried treasure.

To live and see the unity and grandness of this love and the yet physical absence of its reality from my hands, my arms, my mouth turns me into an emotional pretzel. I'm angry at it for taking so long, and angry for what it planted within me and made me reach for.

Because if I didn't know this possibility existed, I wouldn't be rung up and stripped down as I am, unwilling to settle for anything less than my hearts dreams coming true. 100% fulfillment where ever day I exclaim - I've always known this was the love I was designed to live.

I tend to walk on the bright side of most things that come into my view. Lately the conversations I've stepped into have been about the shadow the light casts, and this is it. On the bright side of knowing, feeling, trusting and developing that perfect faith, there it is, the furious fire of desire burning as anger.

I shout at my projected love - I'm angry that you're not really here like you're supposed to be. I'm angry that you remain absent and invisible, that there is no hand to hold or mouth to kiss or arms to be wrapped in. That you keep peaking through into my moments but have yet to walk into them fully as you.

In those moments of anger, some inexplicapble I-can't-wrap-my-head-around-it synchronicity will show itself, and I shout at it - NO, I don't want to play anymore. I don't care that you're inexplicable and magickal. I don't like you. Go away until you can materialize yourself in the flesh. Enough! I don't want to see any sign of you until you're ready to be here, in the full-fledged flesh, full-time.

I imagine his higher self and my higher self (which I make up are the same Self) in those moments watching me eyeing each other going "well, she's lost it" and going back to their game of cosmic scrabble.

I think in the conscious creation, conscious observation, conscious wahtever-ation game we forget to feel the whole spectrum - the light and the shadow of everything we step into.

Yes, I'm allowed to be mad at him especially because I know he's here, that on some level he can feel and pick up on the full spectrum of my coming and goings. Just like I can his - those moments where I get feelings that have nothing to do with what I'm living in my world I know are me picking up on his unfolding...

At the very least, that's the kind of connection I'm dreaming of.

And when the angry cloud passes...I return to giggling at the ridiculousness of being here, in this life stage of awe and inexplicable wonder.

Oh yeah, I feel it!

Embracing Otherness

"Let's not be freaked out by our bountiful nothingness. It's more of a Reality than the one's our selves have created. Imagine what kind of existence we can have if we honor inevitable death of self, appreciate the privilege of life, and marvel at what comes next. Simple awareness is where it begins." - Thandie Newton

Sunday, August 7


When I imprison you in judgment, I'm imprisoning myself.

When I set myself free of judgment, of the conditional view, of the view that some unfolding was something other than love...

I set you free too.

And so goes the dance of true love, true oneness - nothing is done to anyone other than the One that I am.

I am.

The accordion plays.

The neighbors make it seem as though I'm in some piazza listening to locals laugh and dance in the square.

And I am here present to the Love that we are.

Wow ~

Moon Cat Magick

I am grateful for the depths I am able to access with the support and guidance of one of the clearest mirrors of Love I've ever come across. She has many names - today she is Moon Cat.

At the end of my session I realized my daughter (who isn't born or conceived of yet) will be named: Sophia

Oh the depths we access.

I'm so grateful for the guidance that comes, and the angel whose woven himself into my every moment of awakening to the Love that is in everything, as everything.

When I'm seeing love in it all, I'm being my full whole self.

THIS is meaningful to me :)

Saturday, August 6

Go Deeper

choose to be intimate with the mystery, with the unknown
than with the story in your mind
then go deeper

Tuesday, August 2

I Am Mother

My dog does this thing when ever I sit down on the floor or lay flat on my back for a stretch or just for whatever reason - she jams herself right into me and makes herself at home. I put my arms around her and always feel like the most fortunate person in the world. She just melts all over me with no awareness of personal space or any of all the nonsense thinking minds come up with. It's the moments with her that remind me why it is I want to have children.

I was joking around with a pretty friend at work. I said something like "go get yourself fixed" referring to his trip to the chiropractor. To which he made wide eyes and replied "I probably should since I don't want kids anyway." My return was "I do, I want like ten, though we'll see if that's the case after I have one." After that convo I was thinking about WHY it is I want children and the moments with my dog and the feeling of sharing that kind of a bond with a person really touches my heart.

The whole reason I got my dog was because I had this overwhelming need to nurture and care for something. I remember laying in my bed one day feeling like I had to have something that I could just give love to, that would be a space for me where I can just love and adore unreservedly. And after almost four years, I live how it really is one of the best steps I've ever taken in my life.

And then there's this whole being human thing - an experience I can't understand. No matter how much I study or understand there's still an overwhelming well of awe inside of me for how we are. That the human body can grow a baby inside it, that it can nourish and support a whole other being inside itself, that a unique individual being can come into the world through me, that I can walk around with my belly stretched all the while a little beautiful person grows itself all confounds me.

How does life do what it does? I want to be a part of that dance in every way I can! I also want to know what it'd be like for a child to grow up in my presence, to see day to day if I can be present to this child's eternal innocence and be taught by it, through all the shenanigans of being around another human being, let alone one that formed and grew itself inside of me. There's so much of it that I want to know.

I don't want to have children just because it's what humans do. I want to see what it's like to be conscious, to be aware, to be awake, to be committed to the dharma of being nothing and everything, and to be a space of learning...I want to see and look with an open heart and see what happens.

Part curiosity, part a science experiment, part a many reasons for why I want to be a nurturer to little so and so with big eyes and a laugh that sparks my heart into fireworks. Not to mention to meet and dance with the perfect dad and partner to do it all with ~

I'm grateful for all that this life offers so organically and mysteriously to us.

And I'm also so grateful for all the love Leela has brought into my heart - every time she snuggles up to me, my heart fills in ways I cannot describe!

yay :)

Mystery in Everything

I've been in the mood for old school J lately!

In Love with the Mystery

Sunday, July 31

Breathing Love

It's not worth it to hold back
It's not worth it to separate
It's not worth it to hide
It's not worth it to fear
It's not worth it to shrink
It's not worth it to defend
It's not worth it to be anything other than fully vulnerable

I'm awake to the subtle ways in which I had been undermining my capacity to feel and flow love. Creating something that is naturally true as 'too much work', creating the effortlessness of Oneness as something that needs mental input, moving from an inner dialogue of full blown love and appreciation to an inner dialogue of judgment and resistance in all its colors - there are so many ways we undermine our capacity to feel love, to be love, to breathe love.

Resistance builds only when I'm not paying attention to what I'm REALLY saying inside myself. And that resistance turns into walls - thick invisible walls that I create and wrap all around me so no one can get in, and I can't extend myself beyond the lines I've drawn.

Lines that say:
- you can't hurt me
- you can't come in
- you are a threat
- I don't trust you
- you're going to hurt me
- you've already hurt me

Lines that articulate the many voices of resistance to BEING love. Lines that affirm the need to self-protect, the need to hide behind walls.

Resistance and fear are one and the same thing, so when it shows up is when you really have to look and force your eyes to remain open in the looking.

What am I fearing here?
Why am I fearing this?
Why am I putting up walls?
Why am I creating separation?

It always starts as a subtle story - an insecure one, a dashed expectation, a fear-based reaction, that turns itself into an avalanche of resistance.

Awareness is always the solution. Because once you see how you are being in relation to whatever is showing up,  you can choose something different.

You can choose to breathe love again instead of holding on to fear.

Saturday, July 30

Feel What You Won't

How come blue is the reference for sadness? Isn't it a higher frequency in the electromagnetic spectrum? Curious.

I caught myself saying "I'm blue now" referencing a change in the color of the shirt I wear at work. And today I wrapped my arms around a lovely heart who had just finished wiping tears from her eyes.

Sitting to write more pages in one of the books I'm working on, a co-worker's comment popped up in my head.

Notice what catches your awareness.

"So how come you've been so quiet lately? Are you okay?"

He asked it with actual concern, like something was wrong. My initial and immediate response was: I'm good.

I didn't realize I had been quiet lately - and as I flip through the moments of the past couple of weeks I notice...yeah I have been less of my flitter-bug-y self lately. I'm usually super happy to see people - my heart lights up, and I choose for it to light up for everyone. And yet lately there I was, a little more closed off, more inside, more retreated.

Not to the point where it's noticeable though, unless you're really paying attention.

And I wasn't paying attention. I hadn't really noticed how much of a difference there had been in me let alone in how I was showing up to other's in my world.

I'm glad someone else noticed it!

Events impact us - even if we process information differently, and we know how malleable our playground is, and we know the power of our attention and focus, there's still that initial confrontation with some information and the reaction from it that needs to go acknowledged. You have to process the energy, the pattern and really let yourself be with it before you can move through it. Because otherwise it's just a game of masquerading around as something other than yourself.

It took today's sequence of events...the being "blue now", the tear faced beauty, the co-workers comment for me to ...wait-a-minute myself back into my being to feel and acknowledge that sad part of me.

It goes without saying: say what you won't say and feel what you won't feel.

'Cause until you do, the energy isn't going anywhere. It's staying with you!

So feel what you won't feel and let it be a passing cloud in the field of your awareness. Because it's only after you've felt it, processed it, that you can be all of yourself again.

Be fearless with your "low" feelings as you are with your high one's. They're all perfect!

Thursday, July 28


some moments don't need words. like fire lit skies at sunset. you don't need words or verbal sentiments. the view so clearly speaks for itself.

there are moments in the day like that.

like laughter, looking at someone laugh and light up from the inside.

that is one of my favorite views right now.

Tuesday, July 26

Monday, July 25

beautiful strangers

i love those moments that just seem so random

i've had the most wonderful afternoon of love festing with a sweetheart. i'm headed home. i walk to my bus stop and have a seat. i'm half day dreaming and half enjoying the world all around me.

this tall boy walks up to me. puts his arms in prayer pose and bows his head.


i noticed i had one of my mala-bead bracelets on and wondered if that's why he greeted me in that way or if that was just the way he greeted all.

he stat right next to me. bubbly. blue eyes. beautiful soul. and then he offered me an ipod charger.

it  was hilarious.

he carried on. and then asked me if i found muscle-y men attractive.

i answered, 'no, i personally don't find the over-developed muscles thing attractive'

he didn't seem satisfied with that.

he said some more amusing things, said his goodbye and was on his way.

i just sat there laughing.

beautiful days ~

Sunday, July 24

Life Lives & Life Dies

a customer at my work had these amazing tattoos on his arm - big dancing skeletons with mexican flare. he told me it signified día de los Muertos - day of the dead - and he was going to add more to that tattoo to create something memorable to remind him of his cousin.

billions of beautiful species are birthed into being right now. and billions of beautiful species are dying in this very same breath. this is happening in unimaginable scales all around us. life exhales itself into life and life inhales itself into death in each moment.

and what i often find myself feeling in moments when i observe human reaction to death are we so unaware of how much dying there is in each and every moment? how is it that we are shocked and startled by the death of one individual in our view, when death is happening in each and every second all around us?

it's so strange how indifferent we are to the death of one form of life and in complete misery to the death of another form. when we can see the beauty in the living of life and in the death as well, we've brought ourselves into balance and harmony with the ways of physical embodiment.

i love that there are cultures that honor and celebrate and recognize death as the beautiful extension of living that it is. death is beautiful because life is beautiful - they are one and the same event.

at least, that's how i see it ~

Saturday, July 23


it's way more fun when you play with a model in which right contains left, and up contains down - everything is embedded in everything else. everything is contained in everything else - the whole in the one, and the one in the whole.

i in you and you in me.

he in he and she in she.

that in this, and this in that.

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
i love that rumi talked about holograms decades ago...

welcome to my hologram/hologame ~

Friday, July 22

my motto

my motto is: dive deep into the fire of love - fearlessly leap into its blazing center. if it burns, it's only burning away all your delusions. whatever the outcome, you are cleansed and rebirthed in the fire. like a phoenix. you never lose for stepping into the flames. you only gain more of your Self.

Wednesday, July 20

Brightly Burning

It's wrapping up isn't it?

I don't know anything
I only know the energy

Moments when I realize that no matter the situation facing me, the story, the moment, the expression...I'm standing there burning brightly.

For you.

And to be That...really is to live without being involved in anything other than the light within. The longing we sought, the journey we took, it all led us to leaving the world behind, with all the bridges burnt so we could never go back to it...not in the same way we left it.

To be in the world and not of be standing amidst the noise and not hear it or see it, to simply be the light needed...

That's all.

Tuesday, July 19

Like A First Breath

"i've been stealing hearts
where i don't belong
i'm breathing hard
when you come on strong
the more i love
the less i know
...stealing hearts"
~ Silent Love Song (Jason/Raining Jane)

The song is not so silent after all.

I wonder what it is that creates the need to breathe deep. What is that? When you're in the energy of connection, whether with a beautiful someone or in meditation, it's like you NEED to let more air in and you NEED to let more air out.


Breathe again. I've been looking at this the past couple of days - as that's all I can do to keep myself from what feels like splitting at the atoms. There's just more energy buzzing through that it's stretching everything that is me. I focus on something in my world and suddenly I can't breathe deep enough - I can't breathe hard enough.

Why? What's happening physically, energetically, mentally? What's taking place atomically and anatomically?

I'm forever curious about the way we unfold - the more I awake, the more I want to know about the how's and why's of the way we are in every moment of every day.


In those moments, and I'm in one of them now, it's like I've never taken a real breath before until these deep breaths. Up until this energy, up until this connecting, up until this breathing I hadn't breathed before. It's as though what the stillness of meditation or what the energy of a connection with another births within us, is that first real breath of being alive.

I'm alive.

Breathing. Deep. Often.

Grateful for the Breath of Life ~

Monday, July 18

Merging Now

Past couple of nights have been interesting - like I'm more charged up than usual - a friend said it could be the full moon but I typically remain in an easy rhythm throughout the lunar cycle. I also have a daily practice to release any and all charge from my system enough to keep things flowing and relaxed. It's what makes my moments as perfectly orchestrated as they are.

I find anytime it feels as though my focus is scattered, or I have a hard time locating myself fully in the moment, it's only because I'm some how disconnecting myself from the moment, from the what-is-ness of right now. Beautiful feelings and possibilities pull at my attention, the energy of moments past linger on, and my focus becomes frayed enough so that I become a little more physically unbalanced. It's subtle but I find it's in these moments that I bump into furniture or end up scratching and scuffing various parts of my body - a behavior to tell myself I'm not fully in my body anchored in the now.

I love self awareness and I love moments that are energetically so beautiful that some part of me stays to stare at them longer, to feel into them deeper, to love them a little fuller. And I love even more the ability to keep bringing myself into the Now, the feeling of being centered and being in full release of what was so I am spacious enough to welcome what is becoming.

I am grateful for what's energetically merging into the space all around me and within me. SO GRATEFUL for the magic that spell binds me and fills me.


Saturday, July 16

Constant Light

When God asks: can you be a continuous source of light in the world?
I answer: yes papa love, I can!

In my view...that's all we are here to do, be.

Not to shrink and flicker and contract in response to the going on's of temporary patterns, fleeting appearances, but to remain steady, to leave the light within turned on, at all times, and in all directions.

To be
Or not to be
A steady lighthouse

That is the question.

Be Love

Tuesday, July 12

Moon Beams and Orchids

Purple and white orchids
Moon beams in goddess dreams
It all comes together
Like a neatly tied bow
On a cosmic gift
From the goddess of thunder

Lightning strikes
as our hearts ignite
To live the words we write
You are he
and I am she
King and Queen
of a world made of
rainbow streams

Alive in the gladness
Of being the light
in the madness
Awake to our oneness
We are

Monday, July 11


I'm everything and more
The whole world in my core
A mirror of your light
A secret kiss in the night
Bigger than the dreams dreamt
Wider than the feelings felt
I'm the center of your heart
Felt close when miles apart
I am you and you are me
We are one so can you see
I'm all you've lived and more
The whole world in your core
 - Kidest

Kathryn Schulz: On Being Wrong

Saturday, July 9

More awake than EVER

I love this life and the way EVERYTHING in sight mirrors to me just how in the flow I am. As the days go on and the curtain keeps opening wider and wider, I'm awake to the power I have within me. Each moment serves as my platform to watch myself, to watch the inside and see what I'm making up and what I want to do with what I'm making up. I'm making up everything about everything right now - in a sense, there is no reality, there is only make believing!

It was different before - my platform was somewhat solitary - there weren't as many people in my life then as there are now. It was all theory before - being in-powered, being a love prophetess, being in my fullness. It was all theory and knowing without the actual opportunity to really practice and step into it. I had opportunities but they all seemed distant and delayed in a sense - it wasn't in my face, everyday human interaction, everyday human connection. I shift my own perception while in a conversation and there it goes, the whole world changes into something different. I remain centered in love, and every face that comes continuously for the next ten fifteen thirty minutes is beaming.

What I live is, once you've gone IN enough within yourself, you'll really get to see how every shred of every moment is a complete reflection of what you're keeping active within you. You go IN enough that what would typically be an unconscious current is suddenly in your awareness, it lifts itself right into your view and you go - OH HEY, that's not useful, and in that instant it all dissolves. And as it dissolves, the world around you reveals itself to have also peeled off some crusty layer to display a new shininess.

Every single moment is the newest it has ever been - but you can't see that if your looking glass is layered with the crust of your unconscious nonsense. And it's when you wake up to your eternal awakeness, when you wake up to the mind filters you are imposing on this fresh new Now, seeing everything in its simultaneous meaninglessness and meaningfulness, that your own seeing gifts you with something incredible.

Your own miraculous magical power.

Life is WOW.

Right Now.

In each moment you're either awake to that and living that or you're awake to your own unconscious melodrama.  Locked in your own mind you miss out on seeing, breathing, living, being the brilliant light spectrum of this moment.

Friday, July 8

Hooked on Physics

Over the past few years I've had a growing interest in the science that sounds a whole lot like the ancient knowledge teachings of the far east.


My brain warps and curves when I meddle in the concepts, and it feels good because I feel like I'm on the brink of seeing both sides of the equation - the observer side and the observed.

And I know that with just a little more concentration, the concepts will become intuitive and second nature to my growing perspective.

Life is as theoretical as it is physical.

And I don't know what I'm talking about most of the time - it's really all that time but there are those times when I think I know and that just confuses the whole thing.

I'd like to directly download into my mind the understandings of: Brian Greene, Lisa Randall, and Lee Smolin to start with. And then I'll re-install Walter Russel to get back to the meta in the physics.

And somewhere in between all that, I have to remember to paint my toenails, brush my dog, and mail out some packages.

Tuesday, July 5

Choosing the Effortless Path

I've been noticing that there are two ways in which things happen for me in my life. One where I run on the hamster wheel like there is no tomorrow and get or move into what I want to experience in minuscule increments. And the other, where I do nothing, absolutely nothing and find myself in the right spot, at the right time, talking to and connecting with the right people.

The first way is full of effort, and sweat, and carries a heavy sense of having to engage in some inner fight to get the outcome - and it rarely ever works out to a desired standard anyway.

The second way is full of a carefree flow - a 'whatever' attitude that co-mingles itself with some magical force that just picks you up and moves you around like a chess piece. In the not caring, in the not investing, in the 'whatever'-ness, in the letting go of attachment to any outcome, you flow into many an unexpected magic.

I no longer wish to make anything happen in my life. I no longer wish to MAKE something be a certain way. I quit. Completely. Volunteering myself for struggle and striving takes so much of my being away from appreciating, reveling in, and celebrating how I am where I am now. I like the second way better. It's more fun, full of miracles, full of beauty and mind boggling perfection.

I choose the effortless way.

Sunday, July 3

I Like the Way

I like the way you come my way
And I like the way you smile
And I like the way you pretend
To look straight ahead
While looking right at me from the sides
I like the way you move closer
And I like the way you try
When you come on by
Every time you come on by

I like the way you look at me
When you make it obvious you're looking
I like the way you play like a child
Masking how deep you've gone within
And I like the way you sound yourself
And the way you pretend to hide
What you know the way you know
When you know all that you know

I like the way we move together
I like the way we come together
I like the way we laugh together
Each time we let ourselves come closer
Every time we let ourselves come closer

It's a conspiracy all around me
To bring me closer to you
It's an invisible strategy
To let me feel you too

I like the way you walk around
And the way you stay by me
I like the way you linger on
Even when you make yourself leave
I like the way you come on back
And take your rightful seat
I like the way you come on back
Into the seat right next to me

It's a conspiracy of the stars
to watch us dance like we do
It's undoubtedly a cosmic strategy
To bring me closer to you

I like the way I'm closer now
I like the way it feels
I like the way you are with me
Now that you're clearly here

I like the way you're here
I like the way you're here

Friday, July 1

It's All Gone Down

It's like some brilliant artist
Out of some heavenly realm
took all the whispers of my heart
And carved them out as you

Beauty and light
Childlike delight
Laughter in the awareness
And magic in the timing
Of the way we move

Every angle and shade
Made to reflect
An easy perfection I can recognize
I so recognize it
It's what I breathe
When you come into view
It's what I feel
When you bring yourself closer
And make your way to stand
Right next to me
And walk on right beside me

And every moment
that our paths intersect
Weaving through the isles
Wearing uncontrollable smiles
We make believe
That we don't know
How it's all going down
How it's all gone down

Another me and another you
This me and this you
It's all gone down
Here and everywhere
In all conceivable realms
It's all already gone down

We go up
As it's going down
It's already gone down

Tuesday, June 28

Living Lightly

The more I wake up to the programs and from the programs we've made up the more I see, breathe, and feel the light in everything.

There is no weight in anything, it's all weightless.
There are no dark moments - it is all arising from and within the ocean of light that is our Being.

The rain is light, your tears are light, the night is light, your moments of forgetting are light.

What we divide in our own mind will appear divided to our eyes and in our life. When you wake yourself up from the illusion that there is anything other than the vibrant luminosity of creation here, in this moment, the light of your awakened recognition will dissolve the imaginary shadows you're creating with your own mind.

Wake right on up to your living Lighted Self.

Live lightly ~

Sunday, June 26

God Sends Me Angels

God sends me angels every where I go - they take on human form and stories and theatrics, but the gleam in their eyes and the love in their hearts always gives it way.

God sends me angels every where I go - they hug me when we first meet and love me in all the ways I need, and in those silent moments when our eyes meet, I know what I know.

God sends me angels every where I go.

Wednesday, June 22

Happily Ever Now

Playing out my mythology
On a stage
Built by Kings
Made for Queens

The dream is always bigger
than we conceive
Always brighter
than we believe

And the energy that swirls
Always peeling off the layers
Of the myths we keep ourselves
Hiding Under

Hero's and Heroine's
Warrior's and Fair Maidens
It's Happily Ever After
We're always after
When all we ever are
Is happily Here Now

Monday, June 20

I Heard It

I heard it happening when I was in the in-between state of sleeping and waking up. The shift, the recognition, the realization "wait, why have I been telling this story that this thing that I want is going to cost me that thing I love to do" and then "I can just as easily step into the recognition that the thing that I want most can enhance that thing that I love to do"...

It's amazing what happens when you let go of the very story that's been keeping you from experiencing the best of all worlds - you can have your cake and eat it too, 'cause whatever it is that you really want also really wants you - AND it is something that will add to your already amazing life and enhance it into even more than you imagined!

I love watching those limiting programs just fall away, and living the knowing that the sky has already become our possibility.

Love is having all that you've ever dreamed of and all that you never thought to ask show up on your door step.

The goal after all 
is to leave no altar of limitation 
in tact - shatter it all to the floor!
Let it all crumble!
Let it all fall!

Sunday, June 19

Thursday, June 16

BLESSed in BLISSings

I had the brightest of days yesterday - feeling so blessed for the ground I stood on and for the smiling love that was all around me in every direction. I love connecting. I love looking people in the eyes, seeing their smiling face right in front of me, exchanging words - mystery to mystery.

My heart felt so open that I was able to access even more love and "put down my separation" as Matthew Engelhart puts it, in all directions! No walls, no walls, no walls.

That was another amazing thing - getting to chat with Terces and Matthew on my radio show - you can catch the convo here ----> Awakening to a Higher Calling with Matthew & Terces Engelhart

The world is so beautiful - the magic so pervasive. I have so much to be grateful for. I am so much to experience. I have and am so much to love.

Thank you for where I am, who I am, and all that is with me. I am showered in the love of existence. I am saturated with gratitude for being where I get to be, being who I get to be, having what I get to have.


Wednesday, June 15

The Big Boss

So I got to hang out in the owners office by myself today - with the big view, sky light, three screen computer and everything...

Tuesday, June 14


I'm raising $400 for my radio show Be Love Radio so that I can upgrade the account to host longer shows and have more call-in lines available to listeners.

After some conversations, I can always tell that there's more to go after 30 minutes, that way more energy and expansiveness is at the door waiting to flow in. And I creating the space for that.

I'm excited to watch BLR unfold. It's been an incredible thing so far - the conversations have been so full of upliftment, inspiration, and empowerment that I choose to bring more of that into the world.

Here's to the magic of giving and receiving!

Monday, June 13


Emptying out completely is like giving the mind a radical face-lift - peeling off all the layers of concepts and knowing's you've accumulated as you play in linear time to leave a transparent noggin' of complete unknowing.

I don't know what anything is. No before. No after. No me. No you. Nothing being what you think it is. Nothing happening in any direction.

Empty. Empty. Empty.

I'm ruthless in my letting go, fearless in my surrender to the void within. Diving deep and giving it all up.

What you see through the emptiness of mind is beyond what the word 'mystery' can contain.

It's garbage day today.

Saturday, June 11

Never Had to Wait

I never had to wait
The lines had all been set
The words already spoken
In black lines on white fields
The picture ever so clear
Not such a mystery here
I never had to wait
For anything
Not for anything

Nothing was in the way
The path so wide and open
Arms ready to embrace
What came from miles
Wrapped in the heart of Grace
I never had to wait
For what was written to be mine
Before land and before time
I never had to wait
For anyone
Not for anyone

It's so easy
When you live it and you see
When it's in the air you breathe
No you never had to wait
Not for anything
Not for me

Friday, June 10


Things I did today:

First the cheesecake

Then the topping

Then put it together...

And then tossed together my favorite korean dish - at least my version of it anyway without the fishcakes - Dukboki

My neighbor who is originally from Greece spoke a few Amharic words to me today (ethiopian). She knew how to say THANK YOU, and WHY. She was so lovely - first introducing herself as I fumbled out back trying to get my dogs toy, in my house shoes and socks, up a hill - it wasn't graceful. Then telling me her name and asking me where I'm from. And then she threw words out at me - I love it when people do that. I then agreed to give her a cooking lesson for an ethiopian dish she likes - since I've got all the ingredients and all...right here next door.

I love my world.

And now it's time to enjoy today's baking fest result - the kitchen in my house is going to be where it's at. YES! ;)

Thursday, June 9

There is only Now

Attached to your own biases of this waking wilderness
Attached to your own filters of misconceptions
Attached to the illusion of time
And the fabrication of a story
You'll never see things clearly

What you see before you
Will always be yourself
What you have seen before you
Has always been yourself

For there never is a 'them' out there
Only the 'them' you construct in your own mind

When you can see that you are forever projecting
Your own images and limitations on what you perceive as 'other'
Then you will be able to see this 'other'
As your Self

And only then do you know what Love really is.

Love never separates
Or fails to recognize
The light that is in everything
And as everything.

Be Still
Be Love

Wednesday, June 8

Fond of Castles

Some moments are more surreal than other's - it takes my brain more time to register all the beauty. In fact, I think my brain moves into a slow motion reel while switching itself to a high definition lens. I was spell blinded riding into what maybe my next amazing work space. All around was ancient green trees standing thick and tall. On all sides I looked out was the majesty of life speaking out and speaking loud.

And then the view turned into this...


This isn't even the whole picture. The property is located right by water and is home to gorgeous birds who are the perfect decorative marks adding to the beauty of the whole experience. The buildings themselves, castles that they actually are, have a rich history. One I happily listened to as my charming interviewers with the British accents showered me with the information. I exclaimed once again to their delight: SERIOUSLY?!!? I think they loved me.

Life really is majestic. It only makes sense that we all have castles to play in, in some shape or form.

Coincidentally, my high school looked like this:

There may very well be a theme I love running through my world. I do live in View Royal after all and just interviewed for a job at Royal Roads University.

Love is KING
Love is Queen

Moral of this story. We all belong in castles.

And that's all I'll be saying here.

"There are two ways to live life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstien

Dream the Life ~ Live the miracle! 
It's your birthright.

I'm fond of...

the delicious dream that came to visit me last night.


Thank You
More Please

Monday, June 6

It's all my community!

The planet is my community.

INspired by everyone coming into view.

This guy is on vancouver island - my appreciation for human beings just grew that much more.‎"The only thing between a dream and a reality is fear."

Sunday, June 5

I Am Stretched

I feel like I often start my blogs with "one of the most amazing..."

I was just about to do that again.

Stretching - that's what brings me to my type pad in my otherwise word filled day.

I started the day with reading one of the many books on my exploration journey, then had another amazing sharing with Erin Ross on Be Love Radio as we continued on with our Getting That You Matter series. I'm a total believer in her book on the topic which is due out sometime this year. Getting that we matter, getting that we have an impact in every moment because of how we're choosing to resonate and how we're choosing to occupy the space we take up both energetically and physically, really IS the starting point to living a conscious awakened life moment to moment.

When I do the shows, one of my goals is to stretch my capacity to listen and to stretch my capacity to allow something greater than myself to fill up the space of the show. I find most of the shows reach deep to elevate the very consciousness that we (both myself, the guest, and the listeners) collectively are. It's one of the most energizing experiences in my life.

More and more that is what I am stepping into everywhere I go - stretching my capacity to contain the moment and all that it holds. Stretching the very ideas that occur to me, the intentions, desires, dreams so that they can be more, so that they can manifest as more than my conceived mind allows. I find it's when I consciously step up to my capacity to stretch that miracles bubble on through to show me that there is always something more willing and ready to express and extend itself through me.

Rather than taking on the work of conceiving myself and containing myself in the smallness of my everyday mind and my everyday ideas, I am committed to letting the Universe, that which is Greater than me be what conceives this me and continuously surrendering to that.

I Am Stretched.

Saturday, June 4

On the Philosophy of Total Rad-ness!!!

I've been walking around my house, proudly announcing almost everyday that my various planted things are growing.
I think anytime you end up doing something you didn't know you could, you can't help but want to shout it out a little here and there - to make sure that there are other witnesses to your newly discovered genius.

A few months ago, being a garden grower on any level would not have been on the list of my I Am statements - and I have plenty of those. I am a woman, I am a coach, I am a writer, I am an inspirer, I am a radio show host, I am a friend, I am a dog owner, I am canadian, I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am employed, I am I am I am.

Now I can add, I AM A GARDENER.

It's been such a rad experience - to go from not thinking of doing it, to just doing it, and to it coming out perfectly. I planted lettuce, sage, basil, chives, mint (I love fresh mint tea), and rosemary - all from seed and all of them are breaking through the soil peek-a-boo-ing a happy hello to me and the lovely sun.

No matter what it is we are ready to step into, it is the same process of desiring to be something new and then stepping into it. Only the magick is in claiming it before you step into it - that will assure the perfect manifestation of that which you've taken claim of. You don't have to wait to see if your garden will grow, to own that you are a gardener, to declare and embody the energy and knowledge of being a gardener. 'Cause the knowledge, the energy and information of that thing you desire to be, already exists. So if what you want to be is ____________ claim it now and then start stepping into it.

Declare it - you can know that you are it before the proof comes. You can embody the energy, vibration, resonance of that outcome before the outcome shows up before your eyes. In fact, when you go about it this way, when you live from the outcome by declaring that you are already THAT (whatever it is) what comes is so beyond perfect for you that you will fall even deeper in love with this grand adventure that is life.

Life is so good and getting better with every breath.



Thursday, June 2

In Dreams

"Love is a Stranger"
~ Rumi ~
Heart came on solid footing with breath refined
to warn the best of communities.
Heart placed your head
like a pen on the page of love.

We are joyous pennants in your just wind.
Master, to where do you dance?

Toward the land of liberation,
toward the plain of non-existence.

Master, tell us which non-existence you mean.
The ear of eternity knows the letter of eternity.

Love is a stranger with a strange language,
like an Arab in Persia. I have brought a story;
it is strange, like the one that tells it.
Listen to your servant.

Joseph's face enlightened the well in which he was suspended.
His imprisonment became a palace
with orchards and meadows, a paradise,
a royal hall, and a chamber of sanctity.

Just as you toss a stone into the water,
the water at that very moment parts to receive it.
Just as a cloudy night is dispelled by a clear dawn,
from his humiliation and loss he views high heaven.

Reason do not envy my mouth.
God witnesses the blessings.
Through the tree drinks from hidden roots,
we see the display of its branches.
Whatever the earth took from heavens,
it yields up honestly in spring.

Whether you have stolen a bead or a jewel,
whether you have raised a flag or a pen,
the night is gone and day has arrived,
and the sleeper shall see what he has dreamed.

Wednesday, June 1

Saturday, May 28

Swan Love

Mama Swan
Papa Swan
AND baby Swan

Cutest thing I have ever seen.

Never been so happy in my life.

* must take camera with me out next time! *

Friday, May 27

Why Yes, I'd Love to Dance

Not having a full-time day job these past few months has meant more time to dance around my house while: baking, doing some gardening, cleaning, cooking, playing, and cooking some more. I attempted to read and write while dancing but it doesn't work as well.

I've also been doing a lot of daydreaming, which sometimes spookely has turned into catching flying prophetic visions.  It's all good though. I'm supernatural by nature.

When I dance, I like to picture the whole entire Universe as my man, I curtsy  and/or dance up and down the air like we're at a nightclub and no one's watching. It's fun. And for some reason gives me energy blasts that shoot up and down my everything. I think the Universe likes my moves.

It's either this or I get up in my head and start getting zapped by thought storms about this potential job, and that potential job, and that professor who may have had some work for me but then didn't, and that interview that I went on last week and blah blah blah. It's not worth it. Thinking of that sort is just not worth the effort.

It's more worth it to bask at where I am, when I am, how I am the way that I am right now. It's more worth it to get wildly involved in the picture in front of me and play the parts I'm gifted. It's more worth it to bake, and cook, and grow lettuce from seed for the first time, and create more zazzle goodness, and images to remind and inspire friends on my facebook pages. It's more worth it to LIVE the moments I have and celebrate the gorgeous bright eyed moments coming.

It's more worth it to love and be in love with the whole of this playing field that is our world, the way it is right now. Just the way it is.

If this moment loves me just the way I am, it is my practice to love IT just the way it is.

Love is happening.

And that's what's UP.

chika chika boom

Wednesday, May 25

Things I've said in the last hour:

Love is my guru.
Love and fun are childhood sweethearts.
My heart does cartwheels for you.

Waking up from sleep today I felt like someone had taken some spark plugs and zapped my heart a bagillion times. Today my devotion to love, my commitment to be Love's devotee is coming so easily and effortlessly.

Life is about loving, staying open, extending, and extending some more. I feel at my best when I'm in that space and when I'm being anything less, the world loses a little bit of its color, a little bit of its glow. I love noticing the difference. It only strengthens my decision to be open that much more.

A loving me, a loving world.

It's that simple.

Tuesday, May 24

Flight of the Firefly

I want to wrap my arms around the whole world, give it a nice squeeze and kiss it on the forehead.

The only thing to do, is just love - feel it, think it, flow it, wrap everything that's showing up in your world in it. Just love.

We can either focus on the narrative and get lost in the mind maze of thought stuff, or we can just stop, drop into the heart, and flow the light of love. One of the best questions I can ask myself I engaging the mind where I can engage my heart? Am I listening with my mind or my heart? Am I in separation or in connection?

I love you. I love you. I love you.

That is all of it ~

Monday, May 23

Eye See

If you zoom out far enough out of yourself, or if you zoom out farther into your Self as it were, the Universes read like a story book.

I live a life of one unified movement. Events that are one appear to happen as separate occurrences all over the world, all over the cosmos. But the thread of oneness reveals itself if you know how to read the pages of the cosmic story book. Or rather if you learn how to see more than your eyes show you, if you learn how to read and trust the impressions your inner senses register second after second. An event miles and distances from you can be known without the use of your physical sense instruments.

What these inner sensors are, I don't know - their feeling perceptions, images and knowings, intuition and all that can be called non-local communication downloading into your brain and body to tell you that something has shifted, something has changed, something just moved in a different direction. It translates differently but the feeling and the reality they communicate is proven to be true as you live them out in some later moment. I imagine this is how animals know when the weather is changing or when it's time to migrate in a certain direction. I imagine this is the unseen communication that's there to always guide all the different points of consciousness into knowing what the senses say can't be known...just yet.

I imagine that's what I'm learning now - how to see universally, how to know before knowing, how to perceive beyond the perceptible.

I often wonder if this is how it's always been. If everything about my life has always been a universal occurrence, that a star imploding on itself, a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, and strangers being made to move to the west coast within days of each other only to later become friends, are all the pre-orchestrated gestures of God's hand making themselves known to us. All one movement appearing to be separate events, but zoom out far enough and the unified thread reveals itself to be woven in the details...

This is proving to be harder to describe - what I see and how I see won't fit themselves into these words. I need more words.

One things for sure, I'm always going to be able to know before I know. This I am now sure of.

zoom zoom zoom!

Baby Smiles as Meditation

You know when you're having a frazzled day and something pops up in your face to get you to slow down, get back to earth, and just remem...