Wednesday, July 28

Wiped Clean

More and more I wake up oblivious to where I am and who's around waiting to play in my days. It takes a little longer for the story of me to reload into my consciousness upon waking, that there's this period of blankness. Who am I? Where am I? What am I? No-thing. Blank. Complete absence of story-awareness.

OH YEA! Now I remember, I'm so and so living at such and such playing with so and so, and so on.

It's fascinating to me how innocent the foundation of my being truly is, that there is this being-ness simply alive and present and completely without identity or story. It's a little freaky at times, to be in a room full of people chattering on about things and have "my" conscious awareness fall away, there's just this seeing, bee-ing, observing thing happening, and nothing else. I die a hundred million deaths every day, and the reality of that is so clear. One time I took some green puffs from a friends special stash and lost big blocks of my evening - apparently it was a fun night but even though I was out for the stroll and in full participation of the fun times, I didn't consciously store all of it. And now, that's happening all on its own, without any chemical nudges. Weird. Cool. Quackery.

We seem to think that death and birth only happen once to the body, in the body. But not so, not so. What dies, what is birthed, what lives, what cares - so fleeting, so temporary, so illusory.

Anyway, it's weird, and yet it's fun. I find because of the absence of the stories and such, there's just more playing, more flowing, more just going with whatever toy shows up. I spent the better part of my morning playing on my work laptop. At work. I should be reading research papers on Geographical Indicators, summarizing them to add to the website I'm managing. But I'm not.  I should be finding more local green sustainable info links and such, but I'm not. I should be preparing for the board meeting in an hour, but I'm not, I'm blogging.

Who cares?

If I lighten up any more, I'm just going to vaporize into thin air. And then what'll happen to this blog?! GASP!

Yeah, Life's kinda a whole lot of fun!

 - k.

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