Enter my new life in an apartment with my almost 3 year old dog. For the first time in HER life, I started learning just how barky she was, and she was having to learn to modify her behavior to suit our new diggs. Before, in a house with a basement, an upstairs, and a backyard, no one really noticed the barking. We all had ample space for ourselves. Even if it was annoying or at times irritating, it'd all be forgotten in seconds because she'd go outside to play in the yard, or upstairs to nestle against some wall or something else. Out of sight. Out of hearing distance.
|Short-Ciruciting Cross-Eyed Moments Looked Like This|
So the training began. Leela's smart, she picks up most commands immediately, and by the third day of training has usually mastered the new behavior. For some reason, barking became a whole other story. Granted she is so much better than she was a year ago, but I got over-loaded. With the official complaint letter, a person showing up at my door with it, and the subtle threat implied, it felt like my freedom was getting squashed from every corner. I had no idea what to do with her. I had no idea what to do with myself. Talking to her, using the spray bottle and treats, herbal remedies, and now this ultrasonic thing had all nudged her but no big clicks in her brain just yet where she got it. What's not clicking in my brain too, I wondered? Mirror mirror, right?! After all, all of this is showing me something I've asked for - more peace, more freedom, more space, more goodness so that I can enjoy the beauty of my dog AND have peaceful sessions with clients and have wonderful visits with friends in her company and without her company.
This was one of those areas that I just couldn't fully flip my own mental script. So I turned to crying my eyes out. Cry, cry, cry just to release all the pent up frustration over all the effort. Just to release the feelings of helplessness and "I don't know what to do about this"-ness. On the first day of my cry fest, my partner didn't really know what to do with me. It was the first time EVER that he'd ever seen me just break down. And I tried to explain that I wasn't feeling "bad" in a bad way, if that makes sense. I don't think there's such a thing as a bad feeling. I had just reached this point with this situation that I needed a big release, to just let the built up frustrations, the little annoyances, the little and big moments of feeling like I don't know what to do with all this, leave all the nooks and crannies of my being. So I cried it out. And as I did, I had a thought, a thought that everywhere else in my life that I apply but on this particular situation hadn't reached yet, the open ended question that drives my mind, my focus, my ability to bring about the experiences I wanted --- if I were to have a dog that was quiet in all situations, what would I be feeling and experiencing? I had never asked that question before regarding my dog. I had never even considered it a possibility that I could have a quiet dog, a quiet home, a peaceful relationship and moments with her in this space. The power of the observer, my power to observe what I desire into being rests on the questions I ask and what I notice moment to moment. After-all, it was ME bringing all of this into being with my unchecked perpetual stories, irritations, and not-so-useful thought-streams. But before you ask the question, you have to know what you want to experience.
If I were to already have a dog that was quiet in all situations, how would my world show up?
There it is. The power of living from the end, the outcome. The power to live what you want begins with what you choose to observe. I do this in every other area of my life. But with Leela, there was so much un-released tension and resistance blinding me from recognizing this very simple yet profound practice that it never occurred to me to want something different, to observe another potential reality into being. As I started to reorient my consciousness back into a place of power, I found there was more releasing to do. This happens when you wait too long in some undesired situation. The resistant energy, the frustration and icky-ness congeals all up in your body. It becomes the gunk in your trunk. Those moments where I had felt like I was beating my head against a concrete wall had left their residue all over my multidimensional mind. So release some more. Tears. Writing. Tears. Writing. Pleading. You name it.Release. Release. Release. Expel.
And then back to asking the question again.
Our mind likes to wander and collect irritations like antique treasures. Untamed and unobserved, it will collect all the little frustrations and build a mountain to squish you under. It's a fun game to play once in a while I suppose. Let's not wait for giant stones to fall on our heads to wake us up to asking for what it is we'd really like to be experiencing. Let's be aware to the subtle indications, those subtle beginning irritations that are telling us we'd like to be experiencing something different, and begin right then and there to ask the questions that will lead us into our desired realities. The sooner we turn ourselves in the direction of our desired experiences, the less crying and whaling needed to get back on course. Action without vision won't do. Envision what you want and step into the actions that emerge out of that aligned inner sight. Let the IN-sights guide you. Reality is malleable, after all.
When you ask the questions, the right questions, what shows up to answer you is ALWAYS exactly the right thing to get you back to your dream moments. Though I'd assert, even those seemingly "bad" moments are dreamy moments appearing to remind you of your own power to have your cake and eat it too!
Ah waking world, all the ways you make this game so interesting!