Friday, March 12

I'Meditated/Medicated

I start every morning with this reminder:

"nothing came before this instant
nothing comes after this instant
the only place is here
the only time is now"

I feel what the words point me toward. It instantly brings me into my center. Right now, I am inside a completely blank canvas, I am inside a completely blank page. I've been meditating daily for something like five years now. And even as I write that, it's really odd to think in time.

At first it came as a curiosity, and like most people that try meditating, I thought it was a ridiculous practice. My thoughts were fast. I couldn't find a gap or space between them. How do you stop thinking uncontrollably? I started with just five minutes of releasing my attachment to the thought-stream of the moment. Then that time grew. And my fascination with this inner resting place grew with it. The first thing I'd say to anyone who wants to achieve inner balance is, start meditating. And allow yourself to be easy about it. You no more get on a wild horse and expect to ride it with ease the first time, than you would turn inward and expect your untamed mind to be instantly silent. It could happen like that, but if it doesn't for you, practice and persist. It's worth the initial efforts.


I was really fascinated with this new mode of being, with this growing level of awareness of my inner world. I had no interest in what such an inward turn would allow you to do. Every book I had read on the topic said psychic abilities,  stronger access to your intution, clairvoyance, enlightenment and all sorts of other phenomena would arise. But the books I had emphasized the release of such experiences because they were of the world of waking consciousness only. So I did just that. I let these really cool experiences come and go. People would start to get sleepy around me - I chalked it off to my growing energy field of pure calmness. Got insomnia? Just come sit next to me. And all of these instances and more were just experiences of waking consciousness, a world that only arises when the brain-body is at a certain level of functioning. Why attach to that? Why hold on to that?

This lovely man said to me, "you know, it could take me years to achieve awakening." Of all the traps we set for ourselves, this is one of them. If you let yourself release the phenomena, the mind-stuff of waking consciousness, it is your innate awakeness that shines through. You are already awake, but you mask this with stories and conditions of time, with stories of waking consciousness. And that's just fine. It's all right.

I kept releasing the phenomena of sorts and being this space. We really can't contain the energy of this natural state into word-boxes and concepts. We can't touch it with words. It's the shiniest aspect of ourselves that's so worth accessing as often as possible. Funny stuff continued to happen around me, and again, I released them and saw them to be only passing experiences, like clouds, here one moment, dissipated in the next.


Like water, like food, like air, my being thirsts for this innate space of Stillness. I even often catch myself in a state of spontaneous meditation now. Where everything on the inside just goes silent. Completely wordless, thoughtless, and without internal motion. No pre-meditated meditation, just instantaneous in the moment peace, total peace, and a heart that feels like it's a giant glowing ball of heat. Sometimes these moments last hours, other times longer. And it is what everything else is, more experiences to release. More patterns of energy to completely let go of so that I can be this alive pulse of emptiness. So that I can be at Home in and as my Self.

Nothing to hang on to. No sticky stuff to get tangled up in. Storyless and historyless. No stories to make up. Nothing happened before Now. Nothing will happen after Here. All there is, is this tiny sliver of immediacy where breathing arises, where waking up arises, where falling asleep arises, where all the experiences of humanity and physical consciousness arise.


It all floats on by, and that's the gift of this amazing world where nothing actually happens and everything appears to be happening.

I am fully medicated. All day, everyday, I Am That I Am.

Yours in Love,
Unknown and Unknowable

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