It's so strange for me to see sadness in your eyes. It's so strange to hear it in your words, this undercurrent of melancholy that slithers through the words of knowledge and optimism you string together. I don't understand it but I see it and I hear it muddled and confused amongst the clarity you've been uncovering within yourself.
It's even stranger because I know what you're capable of, the lightness that can stamp itself so loudly on your face that it steals breaths and stops minds for miles all around you. I stare hard, concentrating and focusing, trying to telepathically ask: what's stealing your joy away?
I don't know that anyone can ever really try to be happy. Happiness isn't something you have to try to put on. It's something you find when you throw everything else away. And when you find it, there's not a darkness in this world that your bright eyes alone could not illuminate. There, hiding underneath all the misconceptions and self-judgments, this inner treasure waits for you to see, to figure out once and for all that it's never been about the changing things and faces all around you. It is your own heart, your own beautiful and extraordinary heart resting in your center saying "look at me, I'm your own happiness". Find that, connect to that, and your eyes will never again reveal anything but fascination and wonder over everything this existence is turning out to be. We're born to live each moment with the wonder and fascination you see in a child's eye - only ours growing more intense as each moment reveals more miracles, more sensations and feelings, to be spellbound by.
God has never loved anyone more than you.
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