Skip to main content

The Girl and the Sea III

The Way Home
Strange how the riddles of late had me feeling. My heart. What was I to do with my heart? A longing had been lit in the midst of my being but I did not know what it was I longed for. I had become restless to find the voice I couldn’t hear calling me. I felt this soundless voice and saw its evidence in all things around me and yet knew not what it would have me do. I had felt most at home sitting at the shores of the sea but my heart now became restless even then.
There is so much to know. There is so much to uncover. There’s so much to question.
I disappeared into myself. Months passed in the dreaming of my own sleeping and in the doing of my own unravelling.
Then a moment came. I dreamt myself walking to the shores again. In spite of my restlessness I knew I wasn’t going to fear this any longer. I wasn’t going to question any longer. I cannot fear the heart of life anymore. The time had come for doubt and I to part ways. I settled myself and came face to face with the deep Sea of mystery. I was ready. I took in my last breath, I laid myself to rest, and I surrendered all of myself. There was no longer any “I,” it was just the Sea and nothing else. There was no separation, there was no separate existence from This.
I felt peace.
And then I felt the subtleness rise within me. I knew what was to come.
In one envelope the Sea formed itself around me, like the silk cocoon that forms around the dying caterpillar preparing it for its rebirth. I felt the electric vibration of my own life come into my awareness. A flash of light and it was all gone.
I saw parts of me breaking apart. Layer after layer, I watched as parts of me rhythmically dissolved and disappeared into the substance of the mist. I was dissolving into liquid, I was going home to return in the newness of my trueness, that which I had always been.
This was the death of myself. There was no “me.” There is only this Sea of mystery.
I awoke. I was home. I am reborn.
Upon waking I found I had come back with many revelations of my past wonderments. I found within myself what it was about the Sea that captivated me so deeply. So I returned to the seaside to revel in the revealing as I looked out into the Sea, this time seeing it truly for the first time outside of time.
In the back of my mind I knew the Ocean was a microscopic metaphor for what the nature of reality is really like – the nature of life. This realization was the whispers of my Soul I had longed to make out. The Sea is vast. It is mysterious. It's life giving and life taking. It's captivating. It's beautiful. It's restful. It's so many things and yet it's also just one thing. Life itself is the very same. Life is many things, many forms, in a cosmic ocean of oneness.
I knew this. I felt this. I was this. I am This.
The Ocean itself mimics our own inner existence, the existence of our Soul, our true Self and its relation with the Universe. Ocean and wave, soul and universe, ultimately it is all One. And the ascent and descent of our internal substance looks and feels something like the dance of the waves upon the great Sea.
My internal waves are the very thoughts and emotions that violently and subtlety rise and fall into my very self. It is all the dance of the invisibility within me. My thoughts and my emotions rise and fall to tap dance upon more thoughts and more emotions like the play of the folding waves of water upon the Seashore.
Life is the mirror that reflects yourself back to you.
I know this. I feel this. I see this.
Yet there's more as I found in the months of my absence from this scene. I am the sea itself. I am life and living. Never have I been separated from the Sea of life. I am the wave and the Sea, and the breeze that shatters me. I am all these things and more in this inner Universe I uncovered.
Melting into the spaciousness of my Soul took me to the place I had always known to be my home. The silence of the soul is always the way home. The way home had always been with me, and now this is the sight I see clearly in the everything of this everything I call Life.
I am this girl and I am the Sea.


Popular posts from this blog

Baby Smiles as Meditation

You know when you're having a frazzled day and something pops up in your face to get you to slow down, get back to earth, and just remember how amazing life is? Today, that something for me was a smiling baby.

In my mad dash to get all my errands done, I was up in my head rushing through the aisles of the store and running through the checklist in my head. I get that way now and again, forgetting to breathe deeply and relax into my moments. I can't even say it's the human condition or the world we live in. It's not any of that, it's forgetting to remember or overlooking the ease and flow that's always here to carry us when we remember to just slow it all down.

I look up as I push my cart around, and there he is, this little round faced ball of happiness just staring at me. The moment our eyes meet, he breaks into a huge smile like my turning to look at him was all he was waiting for, like we're bff's who haven't seen each other in ages and are about…

What does it mean to Honor the Self?

Such great wisdom from Dr Nathaniel Branden:
The first act of honoring the self is the assertion of consciousness. The choice to think, to be aware, to send the searchlight of consciousness outward toward the world, and inward toward your own being. To fail in this effort is to fail the self at the most basic level. 

To honor the self is to be willing to think independently, to live by your own mind, and to have the courage of your own perceptions and judgments. 

To honor the self is to be willing to know not only what you think, but also what you feel, what you want, need, desire, suffer over, are frightened or angered by, and to accept your right to experience such feelings. The opposite of this attitude is denial, disowning, repression, self-repudiation. 

To honor the self is to preserve an attitude of self acceptance, which means to accept what you are without self criticism, without lying about who you are in a pretense aimed at deceiving either yourself or someone else. 

To honor …

The End of Time: The Next Revolution in Our Understanding of the Universe

When a book clearly articulates a map of "time" that makes the most sense, you have to go get yourself a copy of that book...

“Nows within this now, rather like snapshots in an album. Each Now is separate and a world unto itself, but the richly structured Nows 'know' about one another because they literally contain one another in certain essential respects. As consciousness surveys many things at once in one Now, it is simultaneously present, at least in part, in other Nows. This awareness of many things in one could well exist in a much more pronounced form in other places in Platonia.” ― Julian Barbour

The End of Time: The Next Revolution in Our Understanding of the Universe by Julian Barbour