Wednesday, August 16
It's been an amazing week of beauty, change, and my deepest thankfulness for it all. This first week was spent as close to nature as I could get. 5 nights and 6 days of...my heart feeling like it was expanding to fit everything that was coming through me. It was completely overstuffed. I took a plane to the west, all the while staring out the window into the tiny spec remembering what a wonderful lesson flying provides. From the plane so high up above and looking so far down below, it can be easy to realize that life really isn't at all that is down there. The house down there and all it holds that now looks like a smidgen of ink on the big picture really isn't who you are, and has nothing to do with you. All that down there below is stuff and symbols you've given meaning to. Everything down below is all that's outside of you that you're constantly looking at and thinking it is who you are. You have taught yourself that you are defined by the stuff you've accumulated; the house, the cars, the relationships, and all the drama you play out in life. But the truth is, you are none of those things you find yourself looking down on. Everything that is true and that matters is within you...and it is within you that you must look to for answers about who you are.
The way this trip found me is a story of multiple coincidences - you know, those moments where so many many things align themselves together to show you what would be good for you? Well, this was a trip I had to take. I'm learning more and more on what we label "coincidences" as I see them popping out at me from all directions trying to direct me and show me the answers and experiences I've been looking for...
On this trip I went and climbed a beautiful mountain and learned it's harder to get to the top if you keep looking at the top thinking "I can't do this." The lesson in all things is to enjoy the process that takes you from the bottom to the top. For if you spend too much time focusing only at the goal, the end result, setting your eyes on it and wondering how you are going to get through to the end, you'll lose your way and completely miss the lesson and probably fail to accomplish what you set out to do. The point of setting goals and accomplishing them is to take it one step at a time. To take it moment by moment, doing what you need to do, until you get to the end.
I marvelled at the setting of the sun by the beach, and watched lovers kiss just as the sun kissed the water. I sat on giant rocks and stared into this beautiful deep blue pacific that ran forever and held only thought of amazement in my mind. I listened to it swoosh and woosh with only the noise of the seagull's taking my love away from it. I tried to love the ocean as best I could but I knew it would just slip through my fingers and I wasn't prepared to get that wet. I snuck a peak at the hidden streams that trickle down and through the mountains.
I stared at the moon in the clear night sky in complete silence and wished I could hold that moment a little longer. I thought of love. I stood in the middle of the forest and stared up at the sun that peaked through to give light and felt inspired, felt illumined. I mingled with nature gasping all the way home. I fell in love over and over again with all of creation and was deeply thankful every moment. There were no shadows of any kind on this trip, only learning, peace, and indescribable beauty. I woke up every morning exclaiming "this is the best day ever" and it was!
I spoke little and allowed only thoughts of love and the one's I love to enter into my mind. If I hadn't friends with me on parts of this trip, I wouldn't have spoken any words at all, but I had enough moments of stillness all by my lone-self. I planned nothing. I just went with the flow and allowed life to teach me and show me what she wanted to. I decided, that although I can make any place my "home" I will "settle down" somewhere where nature dominates...where I could kick around by the ocean and take in all the beauty of mother nature. I know I will love it there, where ever this "there" ends up being.
It was 6 days and 5 nights of blissful love timed perfectly into my ever-evolving understanding of life and living. I am so alive!
Okay, I did cheat though. While the "nature buff" in me was in love, the other part of me did completely like taking a nice shower, and sleeping on a soft "bed," and walking to the Starbucks in the city and getting a tall vanilla latte to take with me on my silent walks around the city, and eating mango cheesecake and tiramisu all at once. Even then I was waking up to the sun warming up my face and to the birds that made me think I was in some paradise out of a dream...the city's an island so all around me are mountains and beaches. I wonder if I could be the type to sleep on the dirt in the open air...
I have much to ponder and uncover for the clues and riddles of this life have been streaming a-flow like a river. My intellect and my heart don't always seem to agree and so I enter that realm of pondering and questioning and uncovering once more. I've learned much I'd L O V E to share and will soon.
These next coming days I'm packing and preparing for my move to the city of smog. I willingly and joyfully go in the guise of being a student once again while all the while knowing the truth is much deeper than I pretend...though I don't yet know the "how" of the matter I've been told to "surrender to uncertainty." And so I pass on that message to you as well. If you are met with situations, not knowing the "how" or "why" of the matter, surrender to your uncertainty knowing it will work itself out. Doesn't it always work out in the end?
Monday, August 14
The Voice of the Sea
I found myself sitting at the foot of the ocean again, recalling all the while the many moments that appeared as this one does, the vastness still captivating my eyes as I gazed to the far reaches of this extended heavenly body of mystifying element.
I longed to know more of what I can know. I longed to break apart and follow it home for I was certain it knew my origin and my end.
I watched it rise from itself in sections and merge back into its own greatness. Waves upon waves of greatness would rise and fall sounding sounds that none could imitate. Then, I closed my eyes as I do in the many moments I sit before it. I inhaled all that I could to rise as the waves did and exhaled to feel myself fall in their likeness.
The wind began to circle around me brushing my cheeks with its gentle hand. I could feel our elements collide as air and skin mingled in this coolness of day. Then a gentle thought entered my mind. I knew it was the voice of this sea of wonder. I knew the wind was its hands preparing me, comforting me, as it led me to enter into its current of secrets.
“Tell me,” my heart whispered. And then I heard…
“These waves you seem so fond of, forget they are a part of me, one with me, as they rise to raise themselves. In that fleeting moment that they rise, they think they have an individual existence. They forget that I am their source and resource. They forget that their true nature will always be and has always been the Sea.
But they remember, for in their forgetting they suffer the instability of their seeming separation. They waver and toil with the wind and feel the pangs of their thinning existence. But they remember their true nature, their absolute reality. They are pulled into remembering by the tie that binds us so intensely. We never part for they are a part of me, and I a part of them, unbreakable and impassable. And in their remembering they realize that they are the in-breath of my own rising and the out-breath of my descent.
So too are you and life tied in this way at your essence. The knowledge of your origin and end begins with this understanding. Forget not your source and resource. Forget not the vastness with which your oneness remains. Remember child. Remember. “
Quietness came over this spread of wisdom before me. I felt these words sink into my being. The wind brushed my cheeks once more and disappeared. I breathed in all the stillness and let out the air as I opened my eyes. Night had come. My heart was full of something but I knew not what it was. I felt pulled as if the strings of life itself had beckoned me to follow.
Follow where?I wrapped my arms around myself and stared down upon the sand that served as my resting place. Moments passed in the stillness. I looked up and gazed at the ocean once more as the wind echoed "remember."
You know when you're having a frazzled day and something pops up in your face to get you to slow down, get back to earth, and just remem...
In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest, where no one sees you, but someti...
May I be filled with loving kindness. May I be peaceful and at ease. May I be free from suffering. May I be happy. May I be safe. May...