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Showing posts from 2006

love's possibilities

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" she asked, already expecting my practicality to take its form and form the words she thought I'd say, but instead...I said:

"I believe in love.
That's the beginning and the end.
I don't really care how it comes into my life.
Whether it's in an instant or over time,
whether it's at a distance or in the flesh,
whether it's upside down or right side up.
I don't care if I'm falling in love or rising up to it.
Love is love and its possibilities are endless.
So I believe in love.
I believe in all the ways it can come to me.
I believe in love at first sight and I believe in love over time.
I believe in love at a distance and I believe in love in the flesh.
Whether I'm right side up or upside down,
whether I'm falling into it or rising up to meet it,
I believe in love, in all its possibilities.

The Girl and the Sea III

The Way Home
Strange how the riddles of late had me feeling. My heart. What was I to do with my heart? A longing had been lit in the midst of my being but I did not know what it was I longed for. I had become restless to find the voice I couldn’t hear calling me. I felt this soundless voice and saw its evidence in all things around me and yet knew not what it would have me do. I had felt most at home sitting at the shores of the sea but my heart now became restless even then. There is so much to know. There is so much to uncover. There’s so much to question. I disappeared into myself. Months passed in the dreaming of my own sleeping and in the doing of my own unravelling. Then a moment came. I dreamt myself walking to the shores again. In spite of my restlessness I knew I wasn’t going to fear this any longer. I wasn’t going to question any longer. I cannot fear the heart of life anymore. The time had come for doubt and I to part ways. I settled myself and came face to face with the de…


Look inside, see if your rebellion is rooted in love.

Seek your true family, the community in which you feel at home. There you will find the quality of communication you long for.

Take time regularly for some form of meditation which steadies you in your center. Breathe into the Hara center (a hand's width below the navel), and collect your energies there.

Give whatever you would like to now, in full awareness of your boundless richness.

Meditate on this statement: "The truth which you speak has neither past nor future. It is, and that is all it needs to be."

the compassion of God

"And in the Bhakti Yoga Sastras it is also said that if honestly and sincerely a Sadhaka takes one step towards God, God comes running towards him taking a hundred steps. The Lord thinks, "Oh, he is coming to Me. I shall go and save him." Such is the compassion of God. ~ by Swami Krishnananda

...beginning new

change is in the air again...i can feel it coming on. i can't really describe any of it as I truly see it and feel it...but that's part of this game it seems. cryptic...but such is the mysteries of life.

i really don't even know what it is i'm feeling. i just know...this is ending...and i trust this knowing. i may not know the how, when, or anything else of it...but i know...this is ending.

fascinating discovery...

“Past and future exist in the present reality, appearing to be different because of having different characteristics or forms. (Y.S. 4.1)”

if past and future exist only in the present reality, then "past" and "future" are the faces the present puts on. everything is a mask the present moment puts on. the concept of time gives the illusion that there is a continuation of moments, but in truth, for the Seer, there is only the now, only one moment that changes its colors around. the past and future don't exist in actuality but rather as imprints or images that have dissolved or that will rise in the field of your awareness.

..."All of the characteristics, forms, memories, deep impressions, etc., exist in the here and now, whether in active or potential forms. The appearance of past and future comes from the condition, path, or order in which they are sequenced."

this means that all the characteristics, forms, memories, and deep impression are within me RIG…

the pain of imagined separation

every anxiety or stress i ever experience is based on the idea that i am separate from my source. regardless of the form the anxiety takes, this is the surest thing i have noticed. any kind of disorder in thoughts, or any kind of experience where i feel conflicted, if i look closely i totally see that underneath all the surface thoughts is the idea that i am limited, that i am separate, or that i am without the source. whenever i pause to look at the situation, i can see my discomfort and know that something isn't right, but it doesn't always dawn on me that in that moment i had attached to the idea that i was on my own in this life. this idea is layered with thoughts that change in appearance and content but that essentially reflect this at their core. i don't always recognize this. i'd like to be more aware of this and grasp the true nature of the "problem" whenever it arises.

The Girl and the Sea II

The HeartCenter
I returned to the foot of the Ocean with some slight trepidation. The stillness of the night invited my longing heart, yet my mind knew not what to expect. I sat to gaze out into this infinite wonder again. I can't explain my affinity to this mysterious body of solidified mist. Like others before me, I too believe the Ocean has the answers to my one-thousand-and-one questions about this life, about my Self, and about all the elements of every level of my being. In its vastness and inner stillness, it holds all the secrets I long to know still. This was as clear as its translucent reality. This bolted vault that holds all of life's goodness, by its grace, lets me know what I can know. It speaks to me in a silent voice none can hear, and stirs my soul in ways that cannot be shown. Just as it extended to the tips of my toes, and just as I began to break apart and follow it home, my hand came to rest on a pointed rock. Startled I jerk-opened my eyes and turned to my…

this unfolding Love

i can feel my heart trying to escape through my chest right in this moment. i've been feeling it since the moment i arrived and woke up in my old bed. there's a lot of love in the air. the trailing echo of love songs from my friends CD, the comfort and roominess of the back seat, the distant voices of the two girls in the front seats, and the pitch black darkness of the road all makes this seem like the perfect setting to make this entry. this love comes to me in many places and through many faces. it comes through so many embraces,smiles, and looks exchanged between friends and family alike. it turns to greet me in the yes of old and new, shining out a lightness i can spot a distance away as my heart flutters and my whole being pulses to the beat of this invisible tenderness that surrounds all things. but there's more to it than eyes can meet. there's more brewing underneath this skin that words can't yet express. there's a knowing of things to come, of things…

Dear Love,

I feel myself opening and getting closer still to your tender and enveloping essence of bliss.
Your gifts are unending, ever flowing through me and setting every inch of me free from the cages I built around myself.
I live in your heart and the awareness of this grows with each passing breath.
You are the light that lets me see in a world diluted by its own forgetfulness.
Let not blindness come over me but call me with the silent whispers of your heart.
My soul's longing is this and only this.
Help me to stay aware.
Help me to stay in Love.
Help me to surrender all to your light, for your light is the only resting place for my soul.
I thank you for another day of loving.

my ear is like a sea shell...

8:12:24 AM

My right ear was being especially noisy this morning. I have usually only been hearing that "wooshing" sound when I make sudden movements but this morning even the slightest motion was making the sound apparent. I wonder what that means too.

12:09:50 PM

"everything in your life is what you are meant to do, and every place you are is preparing you for the next place you will be."


"By consciously expressing our gratitude to these spiritual helpers, we not only feel a deeper connection with our spiritual source but we affirm that we are simply one small part of a larger network of loving intelligence in the universe. Taking time to express gratitude for the guidance you receive from your spirit helper today can help strengthen its presence in your life."

Given the revelations of last night, I shouldn't be surprised to receive this message this morning. But I am, in the most pleasant way. When all messages you receive are consistent, you pay attention and notice the point you're being pointed toward. I'm not alone. I have help. I'm being heard. I have been heard.

I am most thankful for the guidance I receive. When I step back to see all that has been occurring in my life both on the day-to-day levels as well as the bigger changes, I can see with all clarity that I'm receiving very constant and helpful guidance. "Intricate" is…

i got toes!

I can touch my toes!!! I realized this last week and have since been dropping onto the floor at random points to check if I still have this new found ability. Just yesterday I was walking down the street with my friends when I exclaimed "I can touch my toes, look" and proceeded to drop my head down and extend my fingers to my toes and touch them. They were quite happy for me. I had to make sure it was a permanent thing before I committed this new discovery to written words.

Dear Love,

I long to be as you created me,
in fullness of heart and in the lightness of spirit,
always immersed in tenderness and in the sweetness of innocent playfulness.
You are the ideal I long to express in all my ways.
In purity you love abundantly, in close embrace with all you've created in this cosmic dance of all things divine.
You are my highest ideal displayed in all things hoped for.
Shower me with your electric kisses and let me melt into the fragrant drops of your loving essence.
Let me merge with your lightness and fullness.
Let me merge with your passionate certainty in what you know me to be.
Let me lose myself in the mirror of your eternal gaze.
I feel myself falling ever so deep into all that you are.
I don't wish it to end.
Let me fall into your depths forever.
Let me spin amidst your space and drown in your blissful embrace.
Let my tears speak for themselves and show you my wealth of gratitude.
Your graceful hands lead and guide me toward unseen beauty and unheard melodies.
You leav…

Above and Below

It's been an amazing week of beauty, change, and my deepest thankfulness for it all. This first week was spent as close to nature as I could get. 5 nights and 6 days heart feeling like it was expanding to fit everything that was coming through me. It was completely overstuffed. I took a plane to the west, all the while staring out the window into the tiny spec remembering what a wonderful lesson flying provides. From the plane so high up above and looking so far down below, it can be easy to realize that life really isn't at all that is down there. The house down there and all it holds that now looks like a smidgen of ink on the big picture really isn't who you are, and has nothing to do with you. All that down there below is stuff and symbols you've given meaning to. Everything down below is all that's outside of you that you're constantly looking at and thinking it is who you are. You have taught yourself that you are defined by the stuff you've …

The Girl and the Sea I

The Voice of the Sea
I found myself sitting at the foot of the ocean again, recalling all the while the many moments that appeared as this one does, the vastness still captivating my eyes as I gazed to the far reaches of this extended heavenly body of mystifying element. I longed to know more of what I can know. I longed to break apart and follow it home for I was certain it knew my origin and my end. I watched it rise from itself in sections and merge back into its own greatness. Waves upon waves of greatness would rise and fall sounding sounds that none could imitate. Then, I closed my eyes as I do in the many moments I sit before it. I inhaled all that I could to rise as the waves did and exhaled to feel myself fall in their likeness. The wind began to circle around me brushing my cheeks with its gentle hand. I could feel our elements collide as air and skin mingled in this coolness of day. Then a gentle thought entered my mind. I knew it was the voice of this sea of wonder. I knew …