Friday, August 12

The Sun's Always Shining

I imagine I have many entries about the sun in this blog to fill a book. That's how grateful I am to always return to that gold electric glow up in the sky and on the inside. That sun, it never stops shining, whether you can see it or not, its light ever-waiting for you to land on it with your eyes or with your heart.

What an undeniably wondrous existence this is.

I remembered something this morning. A trip to San Francisco that I made years ago, a trip the whole
way flying from the east coast to the west coat I spent thinking and feeling like I was riding off into the sunset of my heart. A feeling that I was both leaving and returning home. It had this element of nostalgia with it, a deja vu kind of plane ride that I couldn't put my finger on but felt nonetheless. That feeling stayed with me that trip as I walked the various hilly streets and played with friends.

I find it peculiar when I wake up to a familiar feeling, not knowing what put it there, what stirred it up into my awareness and yet still being able to connect and recall all the memories with it.

The hold of the folds that is this life, is the grand gesture that is God's own hand reaching to restart your heart. Hold on tight. There's no looking back, simply because there is no 'back there' anywhere in life. There's just right now, and whatever language of light plays out in your heart in this moment.

Our lives are woven with feelings and our days put together with geometry. We see what we think we see, but it is what we feel that tells us which world our soul currently inhabits. And when that world feels like light, and gratitude, and the magic of the unknown filling you with inexplicably good feeling anticipation, you must remind yourself to tip your hat to the sun up in the sky and deep inside.

Friday, July 15

The Will to Win by Berton Braley

If you want a thing bad enough
To go out and fight for it,
Work day and night for it,
Give up your time and your peace and your sleep for it,
If only desire of it
Makes you quite mad enough
Never to tire of it,
Makes you hold all other things tawdry and cheap for it,
If life seems all empty and useless without it
And all that you scheme and you dream is about it,
If gladly you'll sweat for it,
Fret for it,
Plan for it,
Lose all your terror of God or man for it,
If you'll simply go after that thing that you want
With all your capacity,
Strength, and sagacity,
Faith, hope, and confidence, stern pertinacity,
If neither cold poverty, famished and gaunt,
Nor sickness nor pain
Of body and brain
Can turn you away from the thing that you want,
If dogged and grim you besiege and beset it,
You'll get it.

Tuesday, July 5

Dive Deep, The Ocean's Just Right


Easy days.
Light days.
Light years in space and I'm as cleared as they come.

And I'm getting clearer still.

Shedding all that would keep us from being light. Unloop, unearth, unwire, fray, frizzle and fiddle until it all comes tumbling apart, tumbling down leaving only the shine of your unmarked soul.

What happens when you're shadow dancing thinking the magic couldn't have been bigger, brighter and more fantastic than what you are living, and you turn around to find that it's been your shadow you've been watching so far?

What happens when you finally finally finally look at yourself directly in all your illuminated glory?

What becomes of your dancing then?

Stick around.
And take your glasses off.
Look on up, the lighting's just right

We haven't seen anything but the farthest edges of all that we are. The splendor and the inexplicable wonder we watched so far is cast by the shadow of our shadows.

What then of our light then?

When in doubt, always choose the free fall.

Dive deep knowing you'll only land in a clearer space than the ground you were standing on.

Tuesday, March 1

On the object of emotional enlightment as the subject.

Orange cats and dreamy numbers and little boys with garden tools and my mind was going WHAT.

This morning I woke up with a new kind of feeling swirling all around and in my being. My meditations for the past six months or so have been on a whole new level. So has my life. I say this even though I've been meditating for at least about a decade and every single one of those sit downs, eye closed, watch breath moments haven't been anything other than utter deliciousness. But lately, thirty year old memories evaporating and all the juicy good feelings I've ever danced with taking up center stage has been the game. I smile a lot these days. Uncontrollably. I laugh in my bed early in the morning for no reason. Yes, exactly like a crazy person. It's wonderful!

Only the feelings I'm giving me I now know I'm giving to me. Breaking the old stimulus response loop, breaking that thing we do where we are entirely dependent on the environment to tell us who we are and what we feel and what we think and the like is a magical, a very magical thing indeed. What do you mean you can live life in a state that is totally independent of what does or doesn't happen in the world around you? What do you mean you can live a life knowing who you are on every level without the environment needing to tell you so?

I'm not rapping about intellectual enlightenment and the detachment and headlessness that brings. That too has its place but it's an incomplete puzzle. There needs to be an emotional enlightenment right along with that. When mind and intellect are awake alongside emotions and the body, oh what a swirly world it looks to be.

That probably won't make any sense to eyes that have not gone inside and looked at how the whole doing the human thing happens. That's what I said. You know that whole "you are not a human doing, you are a human being" thing? Well, you're actually not a human being either - you're doing the being human thing. You're doing all those beliefs and sighs and deep gut wrenching tearing yourself all up inside and rehearsing the same old emotions over and over again thing. What you are has no such boundaries of being-ness or no conditions or rules for operating in such a way. But alas, that is the game you play.

When was the last time I blogged anyway?

Well that is the juice for this early day after the leap year morning.

And the ending? Well...Love Wins Big.

Friday, November 13

When it’s Epic

What makes a story Epic?

If you go by Hollywood’s portrayal, an epic story is one of grand adventure – it could involve alien invasions or alien abductions or some endless sequence of overcoming one out of this world obstacle after another. “Epic” in the mainstream sense is equated with some larger-than-life external experience showing up to redefine the way you look at the world and maybe even yourself. But in this presentation, it’s all about what’s happening all around you and what’s happening to you…seldom is it about what’s happening through you.

I’m not sure what made me ask what makes something “epic” to me. I was reflecting on the past ten years of my life, looking at all of the adventures I’ve gone on and the changes I’ve experienced and I could only settle on one conclusion. What makes an experience epic for me in my own life is not when something apparently unbelievable comes along wrapped up in a giant golden bow but rather when something comes along and unwraps things inside of me so that I once again awaken to how everything is happening through me. The epic thing is the thing that makes me look at myself differently, makes me feel more empowered, more loved, more supported, more connected, more capable, more magical than I ever thought I could be. It makes me more self-aware and reminds me and reflects to me that all that I behold, whether believable or unbelievable, is my own doing.

What’s epic is never the thing "out there" but the thing inside your own being. The only larger than life thing there is, is the living power inside every being. That's it. Everything else is a mirage formed and deformed by the degree to which this living power is allowed to express itself fully through you.

The Universe doesn’t actually have scales in what it presents. Any scale that is perceived is a human construction and not an actual elevation or devaluation inherent in the thing being perceived. There are no great things and great people and small things and small people. Regardless of the wrappings something comes in, it is not greater or lesser than something else. No event, no circumstance, no individual or groups of individual are held to a higher value than others in the cosmic sense - only in the realm of conditioned thinking does such a gradation exist.

The core of everything that shows up is epic. If you focus on the wrappings, you will become entranced by them falling to the belief that they are as their surface suggests. But the surface, the wrapping, the appearance will always be an unreliable presentation. The value of what shows up, its true service to you and your evolution, is not in its appearance but rather in what it makes you aware of about your own being. If you focus on the core of whatever is showing up though, you will without fail awaken to the epic capacity inside yourself.

Every moment is an epic moment when you condition yourself to focus on its core, its essence, the substance out of which it has been formed.

Sunday, November 1

Where ever I go, there I Am

What I love is waking up with the urge to blog!

I know it's still a few months early to be writing about this past year but I have to say 2015 for me has been a year of exponential growth, not just in the material sense but in the immaterial as well. I think every season I feel more tuned in, more in touch with the inner unseen wizardry that runs the who. But every season I'm proved wrong as I reach deeper into my bottomless boundless beginning - that beginningless space that writes all the stories of all times and all spaces.

Maybe 35 is the magic number because it has been both a rebirth and rocket blast into new spheres of empowerment for me. Bolder. Stronger. Better. Faster. All of the above with a heavy dose of even more lightness-ness.

The more I awaken, the less I seem to need to do to live everythign I desire to live.



Friday, October 2

All Eyes on Three



All the world’s a stage and we’re putting on the performance of a lifetime. 

I figure five sleepless nights is good cause to revive this old blog. I have every intention of writing frequently here, since writing is one of my many trusted mirrors that lets me look at myself in a way I understand best. But that intention floats into nothingness somewhere between the full time job, commitment to produce a book every year and life in general. It’s always there in the background though – this thought that says “I really want to post a blog…”

Something about the rare full moon last weekend brought with it some energy that my conscious mind hasn’t caught up to yet. Ever since July 2015 hit my life has been unfolding like a dream, an even more vivid dream than one that brought me many moments of magic. Only now I’m not longer the passive observer I once was watching a movie from some un-locatable space inside myself. Now, this cycle, this round, this go-about I’m right at the front of the surf board, not only riding each dip and rise of the currents painting my moments but quietly directing the movie itself. I’m mixing metaphors to keep myself from saying anything while at the same time bringing two worlds to collide in front of my eyes. Two beautiful, very beautiful worlds – three if I factor in the years in between them and paint a face I only now see as the mid-point reflection of everything I’m waking up to.

Somewhere some how this is as meaningful as it is meaningless. 

One, one was magnificent. Beautiful, epic, tittering myself on that edge between sanity and complete loss of all my edges. I reached for something so big, at least it seemed that way at the time, that I learned how to raise the earth up and above to propel me into new levels of understanding…everything. I made magic, beautiful inexplicable magic. Bending trees, raining rainbows and riding on the neck of shooting stars. One taught me how to be One in a world that denied oneness but only on the surface. One leaned in and whispered to me about my eternal luminous-ness, a light so bright and a sound so cosmic that it broke the rules of time and space and wove a show fit for a celestial audience. All the world was our stage.

Two, that mid-point was a lesson in individuating, in noticing the merged self and learning how to not be swallowed up to the point of disappearance. We’re not here to disappear. We’re here to learn to stand in all the states of being, the one, the other and the whole without losing any one of the numberless perspectives each state presents. Each is valid, worthy and must be embodied fully. A balanced interchange requires balanced players, players capable of standing in all shoes without losing grip on their individuality within the underlying thread of oneness - to forget yourself is to forget a part of the whole. To lose yourself is to lose a part of the whole. An impossibility exercised only because you haven't learned how to be fully you - fully individual and simultaneously One. Two was about emerging from oneness and dissolving into oneness intact. 

Three, I don’t yet know everything about three but I know it’s as epic and beautiful as anything I could have ever dreamed would come to me. Three I suspect is about a trinity – learning to create self and other out of the wholeness that always contains us – learning to allow self and other in the wholeness, to contribute consciously only that which is bright and beautiful. Three is about embracing the destruction of boundaries and elevation of independence – contradictory you would think these are but in dissolving self and other, and resolving to set both free to completely be totally self and totally other something reveals itself – an indestructible core for which there are no words. 

We don’t create relationships…if we pay attention enough we’ll learn to notice how it’s the living entity that is the relationship, that is the living intelligent force field that creates the you and me out of itself. 

Three is not about you as One. 
Three is not about me as ‘two’. 

Three is about noticing that primary unseen ooze that forms itself as you and me.  Three is not about awareness of self or awareness of other. Three is about the space out of which self and other emerge.